Photo update

These were some of the photos that I meant to blog about but haven't been in frame of mind to actually create anything around it.But since I haven't put up photos for a while, here are the kids, in their full naughty glory.


I have been chided for bringing them to McDonald's and I realise I can't win with those who chide me. People chide me because Mac's is an icon of evil globalisation and the big Satan that trods on all other small independent eateries. And that the food there is poison to their little bodies. When I argue that they don't eat anything from there except a bit of egg from Mommy's muffin or the yogurt then I'm accused of being cruel for not allowing them to eat the addictive junk that Mac's serve. Can't win either way but it's a nice place to bring them for breakfast because for all the criticism, it is somewhat family friendly especially the ones located in gardens and near beaches.

Fearful Mommy worried she would burst the balloon.

Struggling to get off because the guy just looks too weird although Evan did think that poking Ronald McDonald in the eye was funny.

My little housecleaner. Reminds me of that Japanese invention where they strap sponges onto crawling babies' knees and palms.

Packrat says boys are trained to sleep anywhere by National Service in Singapore. Evan hasn't needed NS to teach him that. In the car, at Godma's house with a badminton racket in hand, no problem.

Sharing a shopping cart. The only way to make sure that we don't end up paying for breakage. We didn't expect, however, that Little Miss and Mr Quickhands were grabbing stuff off the shelf until we saw the 2 of them gumming a packet of tealights. Umm... waxy.

Read More

Reality bites

The dust in the house hasn't really settled yet. We're in, what would be generously known as an interim period where we live day by day and firefighting is the name of the game. The silver lining, if there is any, is that we are spending a great deal more time with the children. That, in itself is great, but I am only the one person. It's not a cliche when the proverbial they say that it takes a village to raise a child. And in our case, two children.

I know mothers who raise twins all by themselves and I take my hats off to them. If it were in my power, I'd declare a public holiday in their honour because it's an incredible thing for them to be able to care for twins all by themselves. I am unable to do that. There. It's taken me a good 15 months worth of therapy to be able to utter that phrase. There's still guilt behind it though, that I'm not able to do it but hey, admitting it is the first step towards sanity.

By being able to admit that I can't go it alone means I have to accept help. And when the paid help fucks around with us, it is even more imperative that I be open to whatever sort of help I can get. The division of labour in the house has been pretty much out of my control in the day especially because I'm at work most of the day. I try my darndest to be home by late afternoon so that I can hang with the kids. On any one day, one child gets more attention than another one because one of their caregivers is partial to Evan and the other is partial to Baby J. In a sense, it is fair. I try to give the other time of day when I come back. At night however, the battle lines are a little bit more rigid.

We decided when the mess began that the children will no longer sleep with the househelp, for various reasons. The children'sGgrandma called dibs on Evan for a variety of reasons, one of which being a very practical one. He was the one that did not need Mommy's breast in the middle of the night. So it's been this way for the last 10 days. Don't get me wrong, the best time of day with Baby J is in the morning, when she wakes up with sleep still in her eyes and a bird's nest of hair on the back of her head clamouring all over me and using my belly as a pillow. But I cannot help but miss Evan at the same time. As with his sister, it's his best time of day and I miss it because he's in Grandma's room.

I will be lying if I said I'm wasn't jealous of the fact that she gets to laugh at his morning antics and hear him chatter away about what must be what he dreamt about the night before. I will also be lying if I said I didn't care that because he spends more time with Grandma, she is who he runs to when he hears loud claps of thunder or bumps his head (which is an everyday occurence by the way).

Packrat tells me that it is natural to be jealous but it is not a neurosis that Evan must know about because it would not be fair to make him choose between Grandma and Mommy. So I try hard not to show that I care and I savour every moment when I can heave him around and complain about how heavy he has become. Packrat also admonishes me for over compensating for not spending enough time by indulging Evan when he asks to be carried and for me to dance him round the whole room waltz style. I love doing that because the chuckles of glee are endless but it kills my hips, knees and ankles and Packrat knows that it is in my future to get osteo-arthritis even without this weighted ballroom dancing I do with my son. So he chides me and assures me that Evan knows who his Mommy is and loves her even if Grandma is the one that deals with his immediate needs.

It's a difficult pill to swallow because in my husband's words, I did not read Naomi Wolf's Misconceptions closely enough. That even though society, aka the proverbial they, judge and expect mothers to do everything and be everything, it's a myth and it's impossible. Unfortunately, even though I read the book before I was pregnant and swore that I would not allow them to drive me crazy, I have inadvertently fallen into the trap of expecting it of myself thereby flogging myself for not doing enough and not being Mommy enough to both my children and their every need while working, struggling to be a good daughter-in-law (a role I would never be able to claim to be good at but by God's grace do not fail miserably), a daughter, a wife and all the multi-faceted roles that I, ever the superachievet, heap upon myself.

But if I stop and count my blessings and those I am aware that I have many of, I should be grateful that there is someone to pick up the slack where I fall short and that Evan doesn't ever need to feel he is second class because he is not. It's not how I would choose to do things but how things end up and even though I almost bend over backwards and kill myself trying to spend every other moment with him (which is harder now because Baby J has a case of false measles), I will always feel that I am not doing enough. So when he runs to Grandma when I'm busy trying to get a very cranky Baby J to take a spoonful of porridge, I am grateful that he gets hugs and kisses from her even though I'd love to be able to be the one to give it to him.

Reality sucks, especially when I have no superpowers that can help be the Multiple Mommy but I guess I just have to suck it up and take the lemons that life deals me to make iced lemon tea.

Technorati Tags: babies, grandparents, favourtism

Read More

First noun

Baby J uttered her first noun today. She has had some semblance of speech, having consistent sounds for various objects including me. What makes today different is her making the correct association with the correct word and the correct object rather than a random sound to a specific object.

So, her little finger pointed to the four wheeled vehicles on the road and she spent the entire day clearly articulating "car".

2 observations.

1. She has the difficult /k/ sound down.
2. Even on Sunday, there are so many cars on the road she never stopped pointing.

But we're still very proud.

What has Evan learnt? Tons too. But that's another post for another time because his achievements need photo/ video quality to make the impact.

*beam*

Read More

Fear

There were so many other things that I wanted to blog about, for the kids once my crazy work ended. I wanted to blog about their new crazy antics. I wanted to blog about their expensive tushies and how stupid it was that what occupied my thoughts for most of the day was how I was going to find them the diaper that didn't give them rash but was going to be discontinued. But all that's been overshadowed.

Overshadowed by protecting them and fears for their safety and at the same time trying to juggle that with ensuring that the impact on them is minimal. I've been a mom for about 15 months and it's not till the last week that I've actually feared for my children and my imagination fed off all the horror stories that I'd heard at one time or another but had just dismissed and shoved to the dark recesses of my mind.

But when all of a sudden, you don't trust the caregivers that help look after your children when you're at work, nothing can function. As I kissed my children goodbye yesterday, after having been on emergency leave to sort out the shit for the last 2 days, panic gripped me because irrationally, I feared for them. And I think, at the end of the day, whether or not the fear is real or perceived, one should never have to worry that way about their kids when they're at work. I spent most of the time at work yesterday worrying and being in a daze about the kids and the entire situation. And I wanted to get home as quickly as possible and that doesn't work for me. It's becoming more and more apparent that I need to stay home with the kids. I need to take their upbringing into my own hands because only then will I feel safe. But how practical is that?

The problem is nothing I am doing now or thinking now is driven by practicality. It's driven by emotion. It's driven by my love for my children. It's driven by fear that something could possibly happen to my children. It's driven by anger that the trust that I had in the caregiver has been violated. It's driven by stress because the last week was a nightmare. It's driven by exhaustion because I've been running on adrenaline and desperately need some down time but no one dares to let the kids out of their sight at this point. So, it's driven by everything but rational thought.

Rational thought does not exist when the first thought you have when you cannot locate your child is that your helper has run off with the child and all those stories and all those scenes of from movies where you're looking at a crowded mall through the eyes of the mother and you can feel panic build are true.

So right now, I'm finding it hard to breathe, let alone function when I think about what is going on. Everyone says it'll tide over. Everyone says that the kids are still in good hands. On one hand, I know that because I believe in a Higher Power that will ensure everything runs smooth. On the other hand, I think of my children and look into their eyes so full of trust and love and my heart sinks because there's so much that can harm them and I'm not there all the time to protect them.

Read More

Flavour of the month

Because we have twins, we are often asked if we have a preference of one over the other. Of course, the politically correct answer is we love them both equally. The truth of the situation is we sometimes have a preference but it is not a constant preference. It is often dependent on time of day and we usually gravitate toward who is the easier baby of the two at that point. And because they each have their moods, it sort of works out quite equally as to who is preferred over whom. For instance, after taking the twins to pick up their father yesterday, Baby J decided she was without a doubt, NOT going to sit in her car seat. There was great screaming and arching and keeping her body plank like so there was no way to manoeuvre her into the seat. All these hysterics were calmly and bemusedly watched by Evan who was kicking his legs in the air and neatly strapped in.

Then this morning, there was Baby J sleeping sounding on my bed when Evan against all orders toddled in determinedly and with one look at his sleeping sister, started banging away on a plastic step I keep in my room. This led to me hauling him out and him stamping his feet, flailing his arms and screaming on top of his lungs, thereupon waking up his sister and incurring the wrath of the mother. All this while Jordan yawns sleepily, has sleep hair and grins at me.

So, yes, we have a preference, a preference for who does not send our blood pressure sky rocketing. When they're both easy at the same time then we think it's a breeze to have twins and we should have another set (NO! I'm kidding here!). And when they're both equally bratty then we want to dump them with someone else, take the car and drive away very fast.

But the problem I've realised, isn't really us. I've seen other people play favourites, either with my children or with their own and it's scary and I feel indignant on behalf of the ones that get neglected. A friend of ours will allow one of his children into his room where there are all his precious tech toys but forbid the other from even putting his nose in. And I've seen my own child get ignored, when clamouring for attention because the Adult is busy fawning over the other sibling. When this happens, I feel hurt and hope that the ignored child never realises that in the eyes of the Adult, he/she is second place.

The problem is children often sense these things before they can articulate it. And they respond to it. I know Baby J often does because she's hard headed and dogged. So, if she gets ignored or does not get the attention she is looking for, she will ignore that person and go in search of someone else who will give her time of day. And because she does that, the Adult takes offence at being ignored, takes it out on her by paying more attention to Evan and causes Baby J to gravitate further away and respond in the same way. When I see it, I feel frustrated and am not sure what to do. Of course, I can encourage Baby J to still approach the Adult and encourage her to give the Adult kisses and hugs. But I can't control her instincts. Neither can I talk to the Adult and point out that all the Adult's attention has been on Evan because that is the fastest way to create a defensive wall and possibly cause more to be taken out on Baby J. So, my hands are tied. Thankfully, the favouritism plays out in a way. There are the Baby J camp of people and the Evan camp of people and while I don't encourage this at all, at least both have their own cheer squad. It doesn't make the problem any better but at least I can be guaranteed that at any one given one moment, both children are well loved and protected.

And of course, Packrat and I are just the people who produced the children and we're chopped liver and all that much lower on the pecking order. This was very clearly illustrated when the twins' grandparents were away and every message home was about how much they missed the twins and how much the twins would love it where they were. So, even though we are the children of our parents, our parents' flavour of the day/month/year is not us but their grandkids.

Technorati Tags: babies, playing favourites

Read More

Native speaking panda bear

Being the one with the better command of Chinese at home (it really doesn't take much to beat an ACS boy at Chinese), the onus has been on me to introduce the children to Chinese. I've done what I can to ensure that they can get into a kinder that will give them some sort of introduction to Chinese but I'm not about to be one of those moms who sit back and let other people do the work for her while she goes out and does her nails. Although, let it be known that I would like to do my nails soon. Anyway, after speaking to some people in Early Education, I decided the most painless way to do it was through song and videos to capture their attention.

The songs worked marvellously. Their favourite is a counting song that goes, literally translated "1,2,3,4,5,6,7, where are my friends (wo de peng you zai na li), here they are (zai ze li), here are my friends (wo di peng you zai ze li)" where they'll spin themselves into a tizzy and then laugh hysterically as their world spins around them.

Then I also bought a DVD for them. This is where it gets totally ironic. We live in an Asian society with the Chinese being our dominant race, yet it is next to impossible to find good DVDs to introduce Chinese to them. They all sound like squealing hamsters that inhaled helium. Where I finally found DVDs that I thought were worth getting were worth getting was an American website called Asian Parent. Of course, one could say that it is the US and one can find just about anything in the US. True, but I felt slightly cheated that I had to pay international shipping for something to introduce my children to Chinese.

But let me just say, at this point that it was the best $20 I spent on shipping because the kids just fell in love with the programme. Till this point, the twins have had absolutely no interest in television. There've always been other interesting things to do and explore but all of a sudden the television isn't tuned to golf, soppy Korean drama or cooking shoes. It's got a giggling panda bear puppet called Bao Bei talking about colours and animals.



My little girl, the soft toy expert immediately picked up on the Panda bear being named Bao Bei and has gone around muttering "Bao Bei" ad nauseum when she wants to watch the DVD. Evan hears her on her chant and will waddle over to the television to see if it's on. And whether or not the television is on, he'll climb up onto the couch and wiggle himself into a comfortable position with an expectant look on his face.

It's tuneful, it's simple, it introduces just a few words at a time and is repetitive without being boring. It's got real life images, of little children repeating the phrases and words as well as interact with the viewer, in this case, my 14 month old children. I read some reviews complaining that the disc teaches too few things and I'm thinking, for an introduction to the language, expecting a recitation of a Tang poem is just a tad bit over the top. I know it's working because Baby J now calls her big blue stuffed dog "gou" and waves her hand when I say "zai jian"(which is Bye!).

It's a little bit difficult to tell with Evan because he's less verbal than Baby J. But he does show an affinity to it because everytime he wanders of to do something while it's playing, he'll always rush back to check if it's still running.

He does however like the Baby Einstein bilingual board book I ordered from the same website.
It works because the Chinese is simple enough for me to read without pinyin and there is an English translation to it.


My only complaint is that the pictures, when they're paintings like these, don't hold the children's attention. Only the real images do. That said, I'm glad they're taking an interest in the books and the video and picking up words a long the way. Hopefully, this way, they don't fail their O Level Chinese, that is if the O levels are still around at that time.

Now to find Baby J a panda bear stuffed toy so that she doesn't have to fawn over the disc's box.

Technorati Tags: babies, language, speaking Chinese, Early Start Mandarin Chinese with Bao Bei

Read More

Finger painting goodness

Since we are on a week's vacation and the kids are old enough, we decided to explore some playgroups with them. We picked Playdays, up the road from us. Every time we went for ice cream at the Daily Scoop and walked by, I'd think about how nice a place it was for the twins. Packrat was particularly impressed with the 2 girls leading the group because they could sing. It was, in his words, like being in an episode of Hi-5- high energy loud singing. The twins were a bit unsure what to make of it seeing that it was their first exposure to any sort of organised social setting with other kids and adults and you couldn't just wander of on your own to do what you wanted although that didn't really stop them from doing that.

The best bit, in my opinion, was the finger painting bit. It was a day of new experiences for them because they got to stick their hands into trays of paint. Unfortunately, being 14 months and never seen paint before, Bad Mommy!, they weren't sure where to put it. Some of it got on to the paper but most of it on themselves, their clothes, Mommy, Mommy's clothes and Daddy too. Evan looked funny because his legs were just streaked in purple and green. Unfortunately, we have no photos of it since our hands were too mucked up to take out of phones and snap away.

The next best thing, was for me to recreate it at home. And just in time, my order of Crayola finger paints arrived. By this point, the two of them were pros. They knew they could sink their hands in, and their feet and knew that they could stomp all over the paper on the ground, but once again their canvas extended to the terracotta tiles and the walls in the back. Thank goodness their Ah Ma was away on vacation so it gave Aunty D time to scrub off all incriminating marks of the budding vandals.


Not fingers, whole hand painting.

I put my left foot in...



I take my right foot out...

I take my hand and smear it all about...


Dirty incriminating hands.

We did this before their morning bath and the water in the tub turned an interesting shade of orange after they were done. That's the next thing to show them, how to mix colours and get different ones. I really don't want their first exposure of that to be peeing into a toilet bowl filled with Toilet Blue and realising that their yellow pee turns the water green. Because at that point, Mommy will just tell them they need to drink more water since their pee is yellow enough to turn the blue to green.

And that really wouldn't be the point of their discovery.


Technorati Tags: babies, playgroup, fingerpainting

Read More