Have love

This totally floored me this evening.

I'd never really seen Evan so protective of his elder sister before. Even if it was just Muffin who was the 'antagonist'.

I've always known that Jordan's the one who has been the quintessential big sister to Muffin. But I've never seen her so expressive about him.



Incidentally, it also drives home the point that the lines of interaction might be drawn in this manner.

Evan and Jordan will always be in cahoots.

Evan will be the clown that makes Muffin laugh.

Evan will always try to protect Jordan.

Jordan will see Evan as a playmate and Muffin as a brother.

Jordan is enthralled that she has Muffin to cuddle and in future, spoil.

Muffin will look up to both his siblings.

He may be closer to his sister but will look up to his brother.

My hope is that whatever it may be, the 3 of them will be close and will always look out for one another.


Technorati Tags: sibling interaction

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Pacified

When Evan and Jordan were a couple of months old, we decided to carry out an experiment with them. Both would cry when they were placed in their car seats and driven from West (where we lived) to East (where my mom and their Godmama lived). We needed something that would pacify them. And we'd heard bad things about using both their thumbs and the dummies as pacifiers.

So we decided that since we had twins, we would try one of each. We encourgaed Evan to suck his thumb as a means of self-soothing and we gave Jordan the pacifier for the same reason. Actually, they pretty much picked it for themselves because Evan didn't like the pacifier much.

Anyway, sucked they went. Sucking their way through stress, the first days of school, illness, being disciplined, falling over and bumping various parts of themselves, the thumb and the pacifier never failed to do their jobs.

We came to the conclusion that both weren't ideal.
























Evan sucks his thumb so hard that he now has a permanent callus on the knuckle of his thumb.

I also suspect that he caught HFMD from school because he sucks his thumb.

Thankfully his teeth don't jut out. They have gotten away with being slightly crooked. I am assured by the pediatric dentist that we visited that there is no permanent damage.


Jordan has sucked her way through at least 10 pacifiers.

The pacifier was most helpful the first time she travelled and experienced cabin pressure.

As a result of all the hours (which by any count isn't a great amount; she only used to to go to sleep and comfort herself in times of distress), her teeth are slightly wider spaced.

She's also got a cute lisp that has resulted from it. But even so, that's disappearing as her speech becomes clearer.

The same dentist told us that as long as she got rid of her pacifier before her adult teeth set in, we were fine.


















I have had more issue with the pacifier than the thumb sucking. This was primarily because on frequent occasions, Jordan would decide it was necessary to sleep with the silicone dummy in her mouth while Evan's thumb would fall right out once his mouth went slack.

So the deal with Jordan was she could have the pacifier till her 3rd birthday (setting milestones help) and after that she was to throw it away.

The day after her birthday, she valiantly tries to fall asleep after handing me her pacifier. She tosses and turns and cannot get herself to sleep. 30 seconds worth of sucking on the pacifier sent her into a deep sleep that had proved elusive for the previous hour.

It was at that moment that I wasn't going to do it with her cold turkey. It was too cruel.

In all honesty, I wished I could have done it then because the ensuing days saw her depend on it as a poor man smoking opium for his tuberculosis.

But strangely enough, in the last week or so, she has successfully weaned herself off it. She would ask for it for a minute and gamely return it before settling herself to bed.

I haven't done much except tell her that she is a big girl and a pacifier is not needed. So far, it looks like it's working and she actually seems ready to wean herself off it.

Hopefully, I'm rid of it and can finally toss them all out.


Technorati Tags: twins, pacifier

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Water bunnies

The plan for today since the twins had no school was to go back to Marina Promontory where the YOG Kids' Carnival was. The problem was that it being a work day and the Promontory being smack in the middle of the CBD was impossible to get to.

The alternative was the Marina Barrage since we were already in the area. And since it was a nice overcast day and the Barrage would be free from the regular weekend crowds, it wasn't a bad alternative.

But we weren't exactly alone. The Chinese YOG track team were there and we were equally fascinated with one another. I couldn't stop gawking because the athlete most enamoured by the twins was about 6ft 2 and said she was a sprinter.





At the end of the day, I don't think it mattered to the twins where we went. They generally find fun where ever they go. And the added bonus of being able to play in the water made their day.

Of course, note to self. Don't just bring extra tops. Shorts are needed too. Initially they were careful about not getting their shorts wet and just wading around. But I could literally see the switch flip and their minds went "screw this! I'm playing in the water" and they submerged themselves fully.


Technorati Tags: twins, Marina Barrage, YOG

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Left up to their own devices

The thing about having 3 children with differing needs is that I can never pay full attention to all three at the same time. At the same time, I think it is good for them to learn to be independent and also know that even when Mommy isn't paying attention to them, they are still loved and they can still find things to do for themselves. I recently read that children from the developed world seem to be 'higher maintenance' than their counterparts in the less developed world because they are, at the same time, over-attended and under-attended.

We are over-protective. We buy them BPA free bottles. We feed the organic foods. We supervise their playdates and make sure they don't put the plastic balls from the ball pit into their mouths. But at the same time, when we hang out with them, we are online. We are texting. In our defence of course, we are multi-tasking because playing with a child doesn't require much cognitive ability so while playing with them, we can do something else at the same time. That apparently leads to fiesty and frustrated children. Apparently.

The suggestion was that the child's interaction with siblings and surrounding animals (provided you live somewhere with animals!) make for better and more natural play pals. And in that way, they are happier, well adjusted and stimulated.

Of course, this line of thought isn't meant to make me feel less guilty when one or two children are left to their own devices. But then again, sometimes I don't have a choice.

But it heartens me when I see them find ways of entertaining themselves.

I brought home some old markers from work and gave it to the twins. I told them they couldn't draw on the walls but the glass doors of our bathroom and our kitchen were fair game. And while I was feeding Muffin, they attacked the glass with relish. Dots, squiggles, pretend drawings and pretend alphabets. Okay, in their mind, it was real. To me, it was just a bunch of glorious squiggles that could become part of a Rorschach test.

Jordan 'draws' more. Evan just likes to do streaks and dots.



















And while I'm getting the children to eat and busy tending to them, we put Muffin on the mat with a whole bunch of toys and he happily attacks them without complaint.



















This was something we hardly ever did when the twins were babies. Leave them to their own devices and just keep a remote eye on them. Perhaps it will be better this way? We don't know. All I know is that our care givers were very tired of following the twins around and we've always wondered how our parents and parents' parents did it without so much help.

A well-meaning friend told me I should occupy them with activities that help them learn. Yes, I'd like to do that but there are many reasons why I don't.

1. I don't have all that much time to pay attention to them ALL the time. We play with them, we do things with them but there are times, we need them to do things, including play, for themselves.

2. Sometimes they aren't interested in what we want to do with them. They're old enough to have their own ideas on what is fun. Evan is even able to articulate very clearly, "This is fun, Mommy!"

3. I suspect this is the most important. The children learn, through play. They learn to share, they learn to take turns and they create and imagine. And in my book, that's learning too.



Technorati Tags: 3 children, child led play

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Carnival atmosphere

Punishing Evan last weekend has been very effective. I gave him a heads up yesterday that we would be going to a carnival on Saturday morning where there was a HUGE trampoline. They *heart* trampolines and their eyes lit up when I told them that. This morning, Evan didn't want to drink his milk at breakfast. I warned him that if he didn't, he'd be left at home again. The alarm in his eyes was almost instant and then he drained the cup and showed me the empty cup. As usual, they created a grand mess, playing kitchen, colouring and playing with their toys cars. But once again, just suggesting that the toys had to be picked up was enough to send them scurrying round the house like little hoovers!

Anyway, we managed to leave the house very uneventfully and the twins were both very proud of the fact that they'd been good children. And so, it was off to the YOG Kids' Carnival at Marina Bay where they were in sheer play heaven.

There was, obviously, the trampoline. They were supposed to be harnessed but the silly YOG crew strapped them in and raised them far too high up off the trampoline, scaring them and scaring me at the same time. Even this evening, at bed time, the twins remember the harness and told me they didn't like it! But they were free jumping like jack rabbits till we had to drag them off.
























The other crowd-pleaser was a huge bouncy playground complete with a fake rock wall and slide. Back and forth the twins went, impressing the teenaged crew who initially tried to stop them from trying to climb back up the steep slide for fear that they would fall.

























It had been a nice overcast day when we got there but by the end of it, it got a little bit hot as the sun come out from behind the clouds. A very sneezy Packrat, something was and is still bugging his nose, begged for some airconditioned reprieve.

There was a Meet an Olympian session going on so we went in so that everyone could have a breather. The Olympian in attendance Jani Tanskanen and what thrilled Jordan the most was when he taught all the little children how to do handstands and actually flipped them over.
























On one hand, I think it was really sad that the twins had a run of the place. For a Saturday morning, it was quiet enough for the twins to have a whole trampoline to themselves and a bouncy play area as well. On the other hand, being a former sports person who is totally envious that there is such a thing as the YOG and wishing that there had been something like that when I was still running competitively, I wish people were more thrilled about it. It is sad to see events that are not filled up and stands that are empty. I wanted to go to the track finals. But I only had one ticket and I couldn't go without Packrat or the twins. So what can I say? It's a confluence of factors, actually. Tickets that seem so preciously hoarded they're not giving it away to people, people not having the time or being let off to see the events and I think what bugs me the most, sheer apathy and indifference.

So, I make up for it by taking the twins to the carnival and hoping that I can take them again before the carnival ends on Thursday.

Anyway, more pics on the kids' Facebook if anyone is interested. A little plug here. If you haven't already 'liked' their page, please do so! Jordan knows to ask to see the 'like' symbol on the various posts.


Technorati Tags: YOG, YOG kids carnival, Jani Tanskanen

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Having fun

Muffin has begun to decide for himself what he wants to do and what he wants you to do with him.

He loves going out for walks along the corridor, down to the void deck and round the estate.

He gets very upset if his siblings go out and the gate shuts behind them with him still in the house.

He is a playful one. He is at his most gleeful when he's up to cheeky nonsense that is most instigated by his older siblings.

But 3 things he really loves a great deal of.

1. Bathing.

Thankfully, he never screamed when he was bathed. That meant bathing him was a fun thing to do because he would chuckle and kick around. He would cry only when he was taken out of the tub. In the last weeks, he's learnt to sit up on his own. And now, he has EVEN more fun in the tub. We've also made it a point to teach him not to fear water. Some kids grow up hating water splashed on their faces and it makes it difficult when they go into the pool. But obviously, it's not something Muffin is naturally fearful about. He thinks it's hilarious when you pour water down his face.



2. Chewing on his toys.

He's an easy baby to entertain. Give him chew toys and he'll just gum them to death while you're round the house doing other things (Yes, sort of like a puppy dog). Occasionally you hear him get aggressive with them. That's when he's fighting with them. Once again, the puppy analogy stands. You can imagine him being a puppy dog with the toy in his mouth, flinging it from side to side!
















3. Riding vehicles

The boy is a boy. He loves his rides. Or rather, he loves his siblings' rides. Their scooter, their toy cars, their toy dump truck. Basically, anything that moves. He's also taken to hitching rides with his siblings when they are riding round the house. He knows that he can't go far on his own steam so he hitch hikes and his siblings, especially Little J oblige.























I am constantly thankful that his siblings love him so much and bear no animosity towards him. In fact, Little J is outrightly protective over him and one yell from him sends her scurrying to get help.

Technorati Tags: siblings, 6 month old baby

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Discipline without the cane

Much as I fantasise about buying a cane, we're trying very hard to do without one. I was never caned, although I remember being smacked many times with the slipper and Packrat was caned so often that he's pretty much anti-cane. But the twins, especially Evan do drive us to the point where we wish we had something to brandish at them.

Anyway, we succeeded in disciplining him on Saturday without the cane to much effect.

Every Saturday, we go out somewhere. To breakfast, to the park, just the four of us. It's the twins' special time with Mommy and Daddy.

Evan knew we were going out. While waiting, he got out his blocks to play with and his magnetic alphabet set. When we were ready to go (I marvel at home quickly children can get ready!), we told him to clear up his blocks. Over and over again, we repeated it while he merrily went along his way, doing his own thing. Jordan, hearing the increasingly stridency of my voice quickly sprang into action and started chucking the blocks back into the bag.

The thing about Packrat is he's generally mild-mannered and leaves the disciplining up to me. But when he decides, enough is enough, even I get fearful.

And at that point, he decided that. He told Evan in no uncertain terms that if he didn't get off his bum and help his sister, he could forget about going to breakfast at McDonald's (Evan was the one who requested for McDondald's, feeding the fish and jumping around at the playground in that order). Of course, Evan didn't know what was good for him and turned a deaf ear to Packrat as well.

So we called his bluff. We got Jordan to get her shoes on and Evan, seeing that got his on too. We told him no. He was to stay home because he didn't do what he was supposed to. You could see the panic grow in his eyes. He knew we meant business when we stepped out and shut the gate in front of him, with him on the inside.

There were tears. There was begging. But Packrat stood firm. Me, I was melting into a puddle inside but I didn't interfere.

Apparently, he cried for an hour. And that afternoon, he woke from his nap, crying and moaning the fact that he'd missed his pancake breakfast (Of course, he didn't know that we didn't actually go to McDonald's without him. We ran other errands with Jordan in tow.)

Asking him now why he didn't go with us, he'd tell us he hadn't kept his blocks and Papa was angry. Ask Jordan why Didi didn't go out with us, she gives the same answer.

Hopefully we've succeeded in teaching BOTH kids that we mean business and they will quietly do as told next time!

Technorati Tags: twins, discipline, 3 year olds

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Live the dream

Sher asked if there really was hype and excitement about the YOG in Singapore. I told her I wouldn't be able to represent the non-sporting population in Singapore and their interest/ disinterest.

That is because if I were between the ages 14-18, I would have loved to be competing at the YOG. No matter how much of a 小姐 I have become, there was once a time when I was dark as night and was extremely proud of the fact that I had all four quadricep muscles defined. There was once a time when my life revolved around how fast I could sprint the 400m and how I could shave off milliseconds off my best time. It was a life time ago but I don't have to dig deep to find those memories.

Anyway, when we had kids, both Packrat and I hoped that our kids would take after us respectively. Play basketball, be a tech geek, be a jock/ jockette, dance, run track... the list goes on. We have been amazed at Evan's ability to run in a straight line and how his form looks quite nice. We chuckled and shook our heads at how Jordan haphazardly runs with arms and legs skittling all over the place.

Then yesterday, the twins were introduced to the shuttle run. Our helper fashioned the game to distract them from the fact that they wanted to watch television. I refused to believe her when she told me that each time they ran, Jordan would win and Evan would exclaim most comedically "Not again!". I couldn't quite understand how Evan, who has been able to chase me down could lose out to his uncoordinated sister whose running style reminds me of a little puppy who runs in one direction but has his butt not quite following after!

Today, I saw for myself.

Jordan is not exactly fast. She false starts all the time. But she knows exactly where she is going and what she needs to do. Evan looks like he's sliding into home base all the time and occasionally forgets that he's got to pick up his shoes and run back with them.



Unfortunately, they're quite winded here having raced up and down about 15 times prior to this. But if you watch carefully you can see Jordan skittling around and Evan bounding off. The other little girl is our neighbour and their partner in crime.

Packrat hopes their running style improves as do I. But when I actually think about it and think about the fact that I have literally every muscle from waist down injured, whether I really want to have any of my children follow in my footsteps and run track seriously.

At the end of the day, it's really up to them and whether they really want to. As of now, I think Evan would be scared motionless by the starter's pistol and that's not good if the aim is to see who ends up first at the finish line!

Technorati Tags: twins, YOG, running

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A matter of ethics

I am teaching ethics at school now. I made the students think about what was considered ethical behaviour. I even made them come up with what they thought was unethical behaviour for various groups of people in society, including parents.

I have been an unethical mom. I have gone against what I believe and what I strive to teach my students.

Jordan has been febrile for days. Panadol was just a pink placebo for her, doing nothing but making her feel slightly better just because it was pink but not doing anything for the fever. Nurofen barely controlled the temperature. At wits end and at the encouragement of my mother, I thought to try the TCM version of Nurofen, something innocuously called "Ling Yang".

Unfortunately, "Ling Yang" goes by a more sinister name- the rhinocerous horn. And as a rule, I am anti anything to do with animals, especially when it supports cruelty to animals and illegal poaching.

The only problem was this "Ling Yang" was supposed to work to break the fever and when a child has been febrile for ten days and on a second course of antibiotics, it calls for desperate measures.

My guilt comes from various things.

1. I am not setting a good example for my children, to grow up to be socially responsible people who will make it a point, regardless of how difficult it is to not indulge in these illegally acquired goods that are supposed to work.

2. I worked very hard over the years to convince my in laws that they shouldn't eat shark's fin and it was a cruel thing to do. By allowing rhino horn to be fed to Jordan might, in their eyes, may mean that I am revisiting the issue and perhaps finding it more palatable to eat the tasteless shark appendage. This would mean for them that they can finally peacefully order the stuff at dinner without me making a fuss on my soap box and causing them to feel uncomfortable while eating it.

3. I genuinely feel sad and sorry for the animal. I also feel extremely guilty because I know I wouldn't like it very much if some alien race thought it was greatly beneficial to eat my knee caps or something.

Dear Rhino,

Please accept my apologies for having been part of the reason why you no longer have a horn and have a bloody stump in its place. I would, if possible get you a prosthetic one to make up for the fact that I am party to the cruelty inflicted upon you.

For that I am greatly sorry.















Addendum : Many people have informed me that "ling yang" is apparently antelope's horn and it is okay because the horns grow back. But when I checked, apparently, the antelopes are gravely endangered too.



Technorati Tags: ethics, rhinocerous horn, sick children

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Time out wonders

It's been a most harrowing week or so. Jordan's been sick since before National Day. As has Muffin. And it's been draining on me. This was especially so over the long weekend because there wasn't school to send Evan, the non-sick one to.

I am not a good Mommy when I am stressed and stretched and that was the case over the long weekend because of the illnesses, the whininess associated with the illnesses and the constant ploys for attention. This made me short even when I knew I shouldn't be. It is times like that, that remind me that I cannot be a Stay At Home Mom.

Even Packrat suffered the wrath of an overstretched and as a friend coined "tensional" mom.

Today, I met up with 2 very good friends and we sat and had tea, despite the fact that I had a sick girl at home and a baby boy that I missed. But I was glad I chose to indulge in that instead of going home. Despite the guilt I felt at choosing to do that, I knew that Jordan was in good hands and Packrat was home with Muffin and he would be fine as well.
















So I sat, drank tea, indulged in pretty, delicate foods, laughed a lot and looked out at a pretty waterfall watching the koi swim around in the rock pool at the bottom of the waterfall. The only child related thought I had while gazing out was how much Evan would have been plastered to the glass window watching the waterfall cascade.

It was a strange sight as we made our way out of the coffee house after; what with my two friends being in somewhat advanced stages of their pregnancies. And how we must have looked, each driving off in a 'Mommy-mobile' back to our respective broods. I don't know about them but I felt wonderfully recharged after that 2 hour sojourn away from the realities of motherhood. Enough for me to be happy to see the twins, chat with them all the way home, get them into bed, play with Muffin and get him settled too before sitting back and writing this.

And even now, as I begin to fade and the fatigue of the week blurs my eyes, I am still filled with the residual endorphins from my afternoon out.

I need to do this more.


Technorati Tags: twins, motherhood

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National Day Tan style

Packrat and I aren't all that patriotic. We have so much issue with the government it's hard to draw a line between government and country. But both of us have realised that with children, it gets easier to get excited about National Day because they are excited about it.

Anyway, I do like parts of the National Day parade- the military bits. I push to the back of my head the roots of where all this military show off originates from though.

So, this morning, having heard that all the military vehicles involved in the parade were in a holding pattern at a huge open air carpark near the parade grounds, we take the twins there. And there, lined neatly and looking all spit polished and buffed were what our tax money paid for. Lines and lines of tanks, Howitzers, troop carriers and bridge laying vehicles.

Both of them greeted the sight with a big "WOOOOWWW!"

Things we noticed.

1. The Howitzer was pulled by a vehicle with wheels taller than Evan.

2. The troop carriers looked remarkably claustrophobic.

3. Naval divers had bad dress sense. Short shorts, tight Ts with their Gortex boots does not make a pretty sight.

4. Both children commented that there were a lot of leaves on the vehicles. We tried explaining the concept of camouflage to them but it got lost in translation.

5. The NS men guarding our nation's military hardware really didn't care that kids were clambering atop the vehicles.

Jordan wanted to get into the boat. When I said she had to ask the Navy soldier she told me straight off that he'd said yes. Should I be worried that the girl can lie without batting an eye to get what she wants?




















Evan wasn't particularly interested after a while, wanting to duck into the nearby shopping mall to ride the elevators.

Jordan's interest was sustained a little while longer.

She was thrilled that she could read the letters on the speedboat. And when I told her that it spelt Navy, she repeated it a couple of times. She had tired of it when I videoed her and the video shows her exasperation at Mommy for making her repeat a task she'd already performed to perfection.





But what disturbed and tickled me the most was this. 4 NS men in full number 4 attire were walking towards us and she waltzes up to them and declared loudly "I like soldiers!"

Wait till Papa hears you say that Jordan! He'll lock you up, forever!


Technorati Tags: twins, National Day 2010, Singapore

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How a mommy can drive herself crazy

It is that time of year where the parents of six year old Singaporean children go stir crazy. It is the season known as Primary One registration. A rite of passage. And some believe where the child goes, will set the child up for life. It is the time of year where friends with kids of the same age suddenly view one another with suspicion and as enemies. It is a dog-eat-dog P1 registration world out there.

And it sends shivers down my back.

I have some friends who are in the thick of it now. And the stories from the front that I am hearing have sent me into a stressful frenzy. For the first time in years, schools that didn't have to ballot, had to do so. Accidents have happened. Failure to change addresses to put one closer to the school, failure to locate evidence of alumni status (lost report book- who keeps those things!!?) and failure to actually understand which damn phase to register the kid in. And then the walking on eggshells while waiting to hear back about balloting.

Then there are those who aren't citizens and balk at the injustice that in the event of a ballot, being Singaporean gives one an edge. I've seen anxious parents sit at cafes feverishly banging away at an appeal letter to the school citing the kid's extra curricular achievement even though the poor child has only been around for 6 years and one has to wonder what a 6 year old can have done to make his or her resume impressive.

If I had to write a resume for the twins, Evan's would go along the lines of "has great interest in anything tech. Is able to identify cars by their insignia. Is learning to identify type of helicopter by the sound of the rotor". Jordan's would be "is able to draw very meticulously. Knows that it is improper to display her belly button in public and tsks anyone else who does. Is able to hold her dress and curtsey prettily. Can copy ballet steps by sight and is able to perform in front of a crowd".

Not very impressive. No Mozart level piano playing ability. No ability to read Pride and Prejudice at age 3. And definitely no ability to speak Latin. How I have failed my children! They will have to go to whatever school deigns fit to admit them.


Technorati Tags: twins, Singapore, Primary One registration

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Half a birthday

Muffin is six months old today. He has grown and changed rapidly. From a wee babe to a little boy who can sit up, yammer and make his needs understood. He is cheerful but knows exactly what he wants and will not give up until he gets it. Thankfully it's only been just milk and sleep demands. Everything else, he's quite easy going.

Now, the 64 million dollar question is how has my life changed in the last six months?


I have been able to consistently get Muffin to sleep even though my helper is with him most of the day. This was something that I couldn't do with Jordan and constantly felt like I failed her as a mother.

Even though I spend my time exasperated and exhausted, I have pockets of time that I truly enjoy my children. Of course that is peppered with increasing instances where I fantasise about running away from them and checking into a spa for a week.

For the first time, I miss my kids while I am at work. It wasn't so acute when the twins were younger but having taken time off and going back to work now, I miss them. Especially Muffin. Possibly because I am trying to relish all his baby moments.

And.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I have aged. Perhaps not by him alone but the combined effort of being a mother to three.

















But then, when I look at him doing his growing repertoire of funny things, I laugh and cuddle him and wish he could stay this size always.


Technorati Tags: baby, 6 months old

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