No Need MBTI

The next few posts will be exam-related because it's October and we have two kids prepping for it. November, however, I promise will be full of glee.

Anyway, it's the exams and we've realised how the twins are different in how they take on the challenges of revision and the actual stress of taking the exams. We try very hard not to be the stressors for the exams. But they don't actually need us to be the stressors because they pick it up subliminally from school.

So the night before their composition papers, the emotions were running on high. Jordan was trying to pull a Hermione and cram all sorts of things into her head. She had copious notes copied into a book and when I declared it was time for a hard stop, she sneaked in two more bits of information into her notebook and stuffed it into her school bag surreptitiously, hoping that I didn't see it.

Evan, on the other hand, grew quieter and more agitated by the minute. He kept worrying but his worry was the 'walk round in circles' sort of worrying which eventually culminated in him hyperventilating in fear that he was about to fail his exams.

We had to pull everything we had out of our metaphorical bag of tricks, convincing him that he wasn't going to fail and if he did then he just needed to figure out why. We promised him that no one got kicked out of school for failing exams. It took him a long while to settle down especially with the sister chiming in about how many things she had tried to remember and that was what he ought to have done. Eventually, he fell asleep and both Packrat and I commented about how the twins were different as an eggplant and a bag of nails when it came to how they faced challenges.

 I recalled that years before we had kids, over late night prata and Milo Dinosaurs, together with our friends, we  came up with a matrix that described people's behaviour as an interaction of how motivated they were versus how anxious they tended to be. Over the years, Packrat and I have desperately tried to recall it that matrix that we had drawn on a paper napkin.

The next morning, after the meltdowns, I could't suddenly see it in my mind. And this was what I came up with that I think approximated what we did all those years ago.

Low Anxiety, High Motivation- Zai/ Steady (Unfazed and gets things done)
Low Anxiety, Low Motivation- Bo Chup (Lazy and unfazed)

High Anxiety, High Motivation- Mugger Toad (High Achiever)
High Anxiety, Low Motivation- Gan Cheong Spider (Runs around like a headless chicken but not actually doing anything)

So there.

My twins, both high anxiety but differing on levels of motivation. I had thought that I would use the melt down Evan had to point out to him, when he was calmer, how he could avoid such a situation again.

Unfortunately, with the terror of the first paper past, he was back to just being Bo Chup and nothing I could say could inject into him a sense of urgency.

 But that wasn't my epiphany this time. I had already known my children to be like that. The achievement and accomplishment in this case was figuring out this matrix.

Read More

Christmas gifting

JED have been counting down to Christmas. They are so excited they are vibrating on the spot. And they are excited about it not because Christmas commemorates the birth of Jesus but because they get presents. All they can think about is presents. Presents for themselves.

In a bid to get them to think beyond themselves this Christmas, we asked them to think about how happy they would be on Christmas morning with all their presents and how they could help others feel the same way.  We also asked them who they could bless in the same way that they themselves were blessed.

The eventual decision was to bless those in our estate that helped keep the estate clean. We have lived in the area long enough for JED to know who they are and for them to know who JED are. How we were going to bless them, we were going to leave to JED. We only stipulated one thing. That they not to pick items that they, JED, didn't like or didn't think much about.

With money from their savings, we set them free in NTUC. They picked their favourite snacks. Potato chips, biscuits, snacks. When I gently suggested buying some useful items, they reminded me that it had to be things that they thought of as yummy. Eventually, they ended up with $75 worth of snacks, instant beverages and yummy food.

This morning, we brought them downstairs to give their gifts. 

Thank you cards.

Heaving the gift bags down.

Being very shy about wishing him a Merry Christmas.

They turned it into a hide and seek game, running around looking for the various cleaning crew. Though with everyone, they stopped short in front of them shy and blushing furiously. But once they had given the gift, they were all smiles and yelling their blessings and wishes and we went in search of the next person.

I asked Evan what he thought about the whole thing afterward and he said that it was nice to see people smile so widely. And it was nice to know that he could do that for others.

While they are still definitely more focussed on Christmas and its presents; I just threatened to cancel Christmas on account of them misbehaving and their stricken faces were comedic if I hadn't been annoyed, my Christmas wish is that this little gesture would be something they would remember and replicate into a tradition that they would carry on and possibly grow as they get older.

Read More

Respect the child's decision

- There are parts of this post that are spiritual in nature so consider yourself warned before you roll your eyes-

For the longest time, Jordan has been wanting to move schools. Initially, it was because she wasn't settled at her school. But even when she did settle and found her footing, she seemed to still have this inclination to move schools.

By then, we weren't so keen to do so because she had a group of friends that we liked and she could count on. She had strong teachers who were providing her good grounding. It was a good school with simple, decent and strong Christian values. There were no airs to it and we liked that very much.

Unfortunately, she kept picking on things like the girls beingnoisy and sometimes mean and the toilets being smelly and dirty. While we tried to assure her that she would face the exact situations in any other girls' school, she remained like a dog with a bone.

Since there was no dissuading her, we told her that it was then up to her to make it happen. We told her that we would submit her application for her but everything else would be up to her. She would need to

1. Provide consistently good results.

Her edict to herself as she worked towards the year-end examinations

2. Do whatever she felt necessary to get in.

3. Pray for God to open the door for her.

And then we left it. All I had to remember was to submit her results every semester. Jordan on the other hand, talked about it incessantly as if it were already going to happen. When we told her not to get her hopes up, she took it one step further and chose to write to the principal of the school. Jordan then convinced Grandma to drive her to the school and hand deliver the letter to the school office.

A day after her final term exams began, we heard from the school. They were offering her a place for next year. It was what we had been half hoping for for the last two years but thought was never going to happen. Once we got over all the hairs on our arms standing because we knew that it was by the Grace of God more than anything else, we were overwhelmed with nostalgia and reluctance. After all, her current school had done her no harm but in fact given her so much room to grow and develop as a person. And by taking her out, we were in some way hinting that it wasn't good enough for her. And by taking her out, we were throwing her into a brand new environment that she would need to get used to and make friends, all over again.

But the decision wasn't ours to make. That conflict was the hardest to bear. As parents, we are used to calling the shots for JED. But we had put the responsibility of her getting into her school of choice, into her hands. So it was only right to let her decide. We waited till her exams were over before we told her. In the ensuing days, Packrat and I went back and forth, weighing the merits of the new school but lamenting the loss of the her current school.

When we did tell her, we did so most dramatically. We pulled her out of school once her exams were over, took her to brunch and showed her the email. And as she read the email and chomped down on her buttered toast, a grin spread across her face, wide enough to split it. That was our answer enough. People asked if we would have pulled rank and demanded our preference over hers. That grin and the look on her face told us that we would be doing her and in the long term, ourselves a great disfavour, if we took that moment away from her. It was her moment. She did everything she could to get it and if we pulled it from under her feet, she would never trust us again.

                                 

Later on, I asked her what she thought were the reasons why she got into the school after such a long wait.

Her response was that
1. She had worked very hard and she had got herself some pretty good grades.
2. She had prayed. Very very hard.
3. She had written to the principal.

I asked her when she had prayed. In the words of those annoying click bait posts on FB, her answer blew me away.

Me: So, Jordan, when did you pray?
Jordan: Today, at recess.
Me: You prayed today, at recess that you would be able to move schools?
Jordan: Yes. And after recess, you came to pick me up and told me I got in.

Goosebumps.

So, with a heavy heart and trepidation on our part and an excited one on hers we're off on this new adventure, all because God heard the prayers of our 8 year old. May she always remember this as her first encounter of God's faithfulness to her.

Read More

The bigger person

Today, I looked at Evan through new eyes.

We've always known that he's a gentle soul and recently, we were wondering if he was a little bit too gentle. He's at the age where the boys rough house a lot but he doesn't and stays away from those that do. He claims he doesn't like those who play rough and are aggressive.

But after today, I've decided I'm going to leave it because he's a better kid than that.

Scene:

A pair of girls teased him. He wasn't happy and came to tell me. I told him to ignore them. They continued to tease him. So he took a jar of fake insects and tossed them in the direction of the girls. One of the girls retaliated and hit him really hard. That was when we had to step in.

Girl's dad demands she apologises for what she did. Girl refuses. Girl's dad calls Evan over.

Evan goes over, reluctantly.

Girl's dad invites Evan to hit her back. As hard as he wants too, since she wouldn't apologise.

Evan shakes his head, whispers 'no need', holds his head up and walks away, despite repeated invitations to hit back.

Girl's dad points out to girl that was the right way to behave, that instead of escalating the situation, he turns his back to it. Girl hangs head in shame and cries.

She comes up later on and whispers an apology to Evan, by which time, Evan has forgotten and forgiven her.

- End of Scene-

So proud, my heart could sing.

Read More

Girl Justice Jordan

My daughter literally gave a boy an ass kicking two days ago.

Part of me was horrified. Using violence is something we do not endorse. My initial reaction was "SHE DID WHAT??!!"

She tried to defend her actions.

The boy in question was eleven. He's been pretty mean to his sister. His sister and Jordan are very close friends. So she tells Jordan about it. Jordan has told me quite indignantly that he's mean to her friend. She begged me to tell her mother. I guess she decided enough was enough and she took matters into her own hands.

So two days ago, said boy was in our house. He was bending over to pack his bag when Jordan walked in with his sister. She saw that he was bent over, walked over to him and delivered a swift kick to his behind. Literally, a kick in the ass.

Pissed off he was and yelled at her. She yelled back. He hurled names at her.
"DON'T CALL ME STUPID FRIED EGG!" She bellowed.

They had to be physically separated. Almost garden hose style.

She was upset after that. She cried.

We haven't made a big deal out of it for two reasons. One, we don't really know where we stand on the whole thing. Don't hit, yes. But protecting your friend, also yes. Two, we figured she felt bad enough. And when I did mention it, she was still indignant about how the big brother was being mean to his little sister and we could stand by and help. I've promised to talk to the siblings' mother. The only thing I've said to her regarding the issue, very clearly, is that she should never, ever, hit anyone. Well, there may be exceptions but for now, we're going for black and white.

That's our Jordan. Girl Justice Jordan packs quite a punch and looks out for the underdog. This is coming through very clearly; that she has a very strong sense of morality and justice. Both of them do but she's more proactive in responding to it. Sometimes, it comes across as tattling though Evan does that quite well too. But the other part of it is that she wants to act as the mediator and the one that smooths things over (of course, they are on her terms) and she wants to right every wrong (both perceived and real).

Another conversation I had with her was about helping others. I was trying to explain to her that sometimes, telling people how to act or behave isn't very welcomed. In fact, sometimes people might not take it well. It can come across as imposing and judgemental; in kid terms, downright bossy.

Jordan: But what if they are fighting? I can stop them and help them make friendship. My power is to make friendships.
Me: But they may not really want you to. You can go up to them and ask them if they need help. But when you ask them if they need help and they say no, what do you do?
Jordan: Walk away?
Me: Yes.
Jordan: But what if they don't know they need help?

Good point. But also the beginnings of a superhero complex.

Superhero training

So what do we do? We haven't quite figured it out. Vigilante superhero justice isn't as clear cut in real life. Whatever it is, she's got to learn that with great power does come great responsibility.

Read More

Conversations with the ballet student

I never had very much luck with ballet exams. I would get sick, my toes would get infected and my toe nails would fall out. Thankfully, Jordan seems to have better luck. She took her Grade 2 exams today. Unlike the previous time she took it, she understood the gravity of the situation and the stress that went along with it.

She's been nervous for the last week and it showed with short tempers, being rougher with her brothers and tantrums and fits about stuff unrelated. But at the same time, she was very amenable to all the extra sessions that the ballet school lined up for them to fine tune the little things.

After she was done and the look of relief had fully flooded her face, I thought to ask her, over lunch, what she thought about the whole experience. After all, she is almost eight year old and extremely astute so she would have lots to say.

What did you dislike most about the whole experience of preparing for the ballet exam?

The hairspray. (The hairspray is something part of any ballet dancer/ school's arsenal. It's industrial strength and the very reason why ballet dancers can be drenched in sweat and on stage for hours nary a hair out of place).

Was there anything that upset you while practising for the exams? 

The teachers yelling at me. It made me want to cry sometimes. Sometimes, it made me want to give up.

Do you think the teachers helped you by yelling at you? 

I guess so. I can remember all my steps and I can do them very well now. But I don't like yelling teachers.

What do you think if the teachers didn't yell so much? 

- with a big grin- I won't be so deaf. 

- becoming serious- I wouldn't be so good. 

What were your favourite steps in the exam? Why?

I liked the dances, especially the character dance with the skirt and flowers. You can look cheeky and proud at the audience when you do it. 

What was the one reminder that everyone kept saying to you that helped you through the exam?  

To smile and to let the music flow to the tips of my fingers and my toes.

What did you do just before you started the exam? 

I looked at my toes then I took a deep breath and tried to smile. It was quite hard because my heart was beating very fast.

What was the most important thing you learnt from taking this exam?

It is very important to have courage.

And what was my take away from this?

1. Kids understand stress, even at this age. They fear performing, making mistakes and failing. They really don't need us to add on any sort of stress onto them. They pretty much do that all by themselves.

2. There is a fine line between keeping the child eating healthy and keeping the child happy. With the many hours at ballet and the amount of time she spent away from home while her brothers vegged out in front of the television, it was about plying her with nice cookies and allowing her to eat the Easter eggs she got to keep her her spirits and mood.

3. While my eyes were fixed and they work pretty well on a day to day basis, the technique wasn't aimed at allowing someone to sew silver buckles that reflect light and black press studs with black thread onto a black waist band at night in yellow lighting.

4. My daughter's a pretty tough cookie.

So while we hope that she does well, just going through it was all worth it.

Read More

Coming into their own- Jordan

Evan's character building moment for the year was having gone away to camp with Packrat. Jordan's came in the form of the inter-club gymnastic competition that she chose to take part in. She wanted to take part in it because she wanted to win some medals.

A week before the meet, she realises that taking part wasn't really going to be enough to win the medals, she actually had to do well enough to get placed.

On her own accord, she ramped up her training sessions. The two weeks before the meet saw her practically live at the gym, going every other day and towards the end. every day. 3 days before the meet, she had a freak out melt down about not being able to turn herself on the uneven bars. She was convinced that if she didn't, she would not win. It took us an hour to talk her down from that.

But whatever she put herself through, it paid off. Her coaches told us about the focus and glint in her eye when she was on the floor and even though she didn't get a gold medal for any of the events, she was placed in every single event and managed to come in 2nd overall.

 

Going through the motions

My mother tells me that when I was eleven, something clicked in my head and I realised that if I put in effort into my work, it would pay off. She tells me that it was the same year that I entered and won my first competitive sporting event; I took part in a swim meet and won in the events that I swam in. She thinks that it made me realise that there was a correlation between working hard and succeeding. 

I think Jordan's figured that out. 4 years before I did. 

So pleased, she is. 

The challenge for us is to manage her. Well, me specifically. Packrat says that Jordan is a clone of me. That perfectionist, high strung, achievement oriented and competitive streak got passed down to her by the buckets. And through this entire experience, we learnt that

1. Like me, she drives herself into a frenzy because of her own extremely high expectations. Hence, the melt down. Thankfully, I've gone through enough of them in my life time to know that the melt down is necessary as an outlet for the build up of stress. And after that, it'll be okay. But at 7, she needs someone around to talk her down from it.

2. Remind her that no matter how high the stakes are, she has to have fun and enjoy doing it. Before her rotations began, I took her aside and we prayed and then I told her that the most important thing was to enjoy herself out there. And if she could do that, the medals would be easier to come by. So when she ended up every routine with a face splitting grin, I knew that regardless the previous freak outs, she was doing okay.

3. We cannot belittle her expectations. Telling her that it's okay if she doesn't win might be our way of telling her we won't be angry or upset with her if she doesn't win. To us, it's a good thing. But to her, telling her it's okay that she doesn't win when she badly wants to, it is that we aren't supportive of goals and we don't think highly of it.

4. We have to teach her to take instruction. Jordan's got an athlete's personality. Their perception of their abilities is sometimes over inflated, especially when they think they've already got it. Jordan's a little bit like that. She knows she's good but because of that, she thinks she no longer needs to listen. This is something that extends into her academic work as well.

5. We have to teach her about failure. As far as possible, I don't ever want her to fear failure. Inevitably, she will. It is one of the pillars of why Singapore is so successful. But I also know this fear is crippling and is what kept me from achieving greater athletic success. So I sit with her and talk to her about how falling off the beam isn't because she is lousy at it but because she didn't hold in her muscles enough to stay up; that her slightly weaker placings on the floor and the vault weren't condemning her but where she had to listen to her coaches more about how to make it better.


But none of them really take anything away from her victory of last weekend. She deserved every medal she got. We told her how proud  we were of how hard she worked and what she achieved because of it. It's a mouthful of praise but worth a lot more to her than telling her how good she was.

Read More

Building buckets of character

Some one recently commented that of all three, Jordan had the most serious disposition. If I think about it, I suppose it's true though Evan does come in a close second when he starts thinking about things a little too much. For Evan, it's part of him. He's the worrywart and he's me. For Jordan, it's because of circumstance.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing but it is painful to watch her have to grow up so quickly. Her seriousness comes from a strong and recently acquired of a sense of responsibility.

She was recently appointed Assistant Class Monitress and that sent her into a planning frenzy to get to school early. Packrat and I were suitably chastised when she asked if she could go to school on the school bus. When we asked her why, seeing that it meant she would need to get up earlier, she said she needed to be in school for her duties and the time we usually dropped her off was too late. When we promised her we would get her to school by 7 the next morning, she was by my bedside by 545 am shaking me awake.

To be told by our first born, in not so many words, that we couldn't be trusted to get her to school on time was a big metaphorical kick in the nuts.

Some weeks ago, she came down with the flu and had to stay home for 2 days. When she returned to school, she was given a whole stack of homework to catch up with. It was impossible for her to get it all done within the day and we didn't expect her to. But it evidently seemed that she expected herself to. 2 hours after she went to bed, she was up and out of bed pulling out her unfinished homework from her bag. Even though she kept dozing off, she kept at it till we forced her back to bed.

A lot of good that did because she spent the whole night sleeping fitfully and waking with a start and with worry because of her unfinished work. When I eventually woke her up in the morning, she burst into tears because she was so exhausted.

Our instinct was obviously to blame the school for giving her so much work but to be fair, it was work she would have completed had she gone to school. And when we spoke to her teachers to ask for the weekend to finish the work, they told us that she hadn't been given any deadlines. The expectations had been self-inflicted. Her teachers had noticed that about her as well and knew to reassure her that she wasn't being tardy with her work.

It's admirable that she took it upon herself to finish up her work and that she was tough on herself when she didn't. It's great that she's developed a great sense of accountability and it's difficult for us to watch her beat herself up about it because she's still our little girl. At the end of the day, she's only 7 and we've got to step in and temper it or she will end up being wound too tight.

That means, giving her the space to be silly and clown around and to chuckle and giggle like a 7 year old ought to.

Read More

The antithetical tiger-mum

Without a doubt, Jordan has developed my athletic genes. She is a kinesthetic learner and is keenly aware of how her body moves. That means that she excels in sport and for someone just shy of 7 years old, her body is muscle packed. In every activity that she does, her teachers or coaches have made the same request of me; put her in more classes so that she can improve faster and do more. It has put me into a dilemma.

On the one hand, I am very proud and impressed that she is doing so well. In ballet, she has a great feel for the music and she moves instinctively; something I never, ever achieved. At gymnastics, the ballet shows right down to her toes and her suppleness and strengths have her swinging off high bars. When asked to straighten her leg or lift up her hip, her muscles do as her mind dictates.If she did more, she would definitely be better and perhaps compete, gaining all the experience of competing seriously in a sport. I'm being realistic, she's not going to be a Darcey Bussell or a Gabrielle Douglas but she could do it seriously enough to be active in our local circuits.

On the other hand, I worry about starting her too soon. She isn't even 7 yet and here we are talking about her doing ballet or gym multiple time a week after hours. On top of that, there is 6 hours of school and homework to contend with. Perhaps it's very Un-Singaporean for me to say this and perhaps I might change my tune later on but I can't think of packing her days back to back. I've read too many articles about kids that don't play enough and parents who schedule their kids' time down to the last minute of the day to be able to do this in good conscience. On top of that, I've seen how joyful she is when left to her own devices and I cannot bring myself to take that free joy from her. I suspect school will slowly sap that out of her and I'm not going to be party of it more than I can help it. 

At the same time, having had every single muscle from hips down injured chronically or dramatically because of the running and ballet years have made me very wary of subjecting my kids to physcially demanding training especially when they are so young and so lacking in fundamental strength. 

So, I did the best thing I could think of. I sought out my own track coach from days of yore. Of all people, she would understand why I was so torn. And after I left school, she went on to coach track in the primary school circuit and is still very involved in the training of young athletes for Singapore.

Her insight was very helpful. She told me about little kids whose parents engaged coaches as they used to engage private tutors. This was to make sure their kid stood the best chance to get into a secondary school based on a sport. She told me about how the kids burnt out, hated the sport and then became weird once you factored in the pubescent hormones. She assured me that if Jordan was kinesthetically gifted, she wasn't going to lose it as long as she kept active and the most important thing to do is to expose her, in the gentlest of ways and in whatever ways we are able to, to different activities. 

It offered me a great amount of comfort to hear that from her. I think, deep inside me, I already knew all that and I needed someone in authority to tell me I wasn't wrong. I didn't want to think that if I didn't put her to the junior squad or whatever rubbish that I was depriving her of something.    

And then, when I see her twirl and leap in an open field or dance without any sort of inhibition, I know I have made the right decision for now. 

Read More

Glimpse into the future

I had a glimpse into the future recently. I didn't need Doc from Back To The Future and the Delorean for that. I just needed a day out with Jordan and her bestie.

School was out earlier for Jordan and her bestie than for Evan. So, I took the two girls out to celebrate the end of term. It was interesting watching them play and chat with one another. Their conversation never let up. They were very animated and involved with one another to the point that no one else existed, mom included. I was just there to keep an eye on them, hold on to their water bottles, escort them to the wash room and eventually take them home. For all intents and purposes, I could have been the helper or their bodyguards. 

There was no malice intended and it wasn't because they were being brattish or spoilt or anything. It was just a real sign of them growing up, disengaging from their mums and becoming their own little people. It was like weaning all over again, feeling slightly out of place and not needed.

Both the twins are slowly doing this, in their own way. Both of them are establishing their own identities and choosing to do things separate from each other. Jordan wants to stay with her cousin. Evan wants to stay with his grandma.

It makes me feel slightly sad because we are no longer the centre of their universe. Packrat assures me that they will always look to us but we have to face up to the fact that while the space we inhabit in their world does not shrink, their universes grow and begin including more people and more stuff.

Part of me feels proud of them, that they are stepping out from under our metaphorical skirts and becoming their own little people. But at the same time, we do seem to be on the inevitable road towards growing up and not needing Mommy and Papa as much.

I suppose this is when some parents decide it is time to have yet another child. But since that just delays the inevitable by a couple more years and prolongs the sleepless nights and further deepens the lines around the eyes, no thanks. I think I'll just accept the truth as is.

Read More

Disney Lessons

We finally left the Hawaiian isles and went from heat, sunburn, sand and nature for the cold, gusty winds, chill burn and commercial crassness of Disneyland in Anaheim. It has been as different as night and day. Where there was miles and miles of sand and ocean, it became miles and miles of people.

We spent two frenzied days running from ride to ride and at the end of last night, Packrat and I wanted to just sit and soak our feet in the hot tub despite the crazy cold temperatures.

For JED, it was indeed the happiest place in the world. Their grins and shrieks threatened to split their faces. That being said, we realised that even though Disneyland is all about being commercial, it taught JED a couple of important life lessons.

1. Patience.

We went to Cars Land and decided to queue for the Radiator Springs Racers. To say it was a long queue would have been an understatement. The 5 minute race round the Radiator Springs required a 2 hour wait. And while Evan got whiny and Muffin got pesky at points, they made up games, they clowned around, they snacked, they went to the washroom three times and they waited.

2. Resilience.

By the end of the 2 days we spent in Anaheim, Jordan and Evan separately broke down into a puddle of tears. After a great amount of prodding, Evan told me that his feet hurt so much and Jordan said her hands, face and lips stung. It had been a truly cold and gusty wind and having spent the entire day out in the open, JED had chill burn all over and poor Jordan got it worse. And in all the time we spent out, the only time we sat down was for lunch or when we were in a ride. But for the most part, we were either walking from ride to ride or queuing for said ride. But through the day, they gamely ran round the park as if it were the Amazing Race and only at dinner when everything wound down did they admit to their great amounts of discomfort. Muffin was a bit more blatant about it. He would chuck a mega fit at any slightest provocation and then fall asleep almost immediately after. 

3. Prioritizing.

Each kid had favourite rides and we always knew the ride was a hit when at the end of it they exclaimed "AGAIN!". On hindsight, we should have bought a three-day pass instead of a two day one so that they could repeat their rides. Unfortunately, our lack of foresight meant they had to forgo repeats just to go try other rides. A wider repertoire of rides in exchange for accepting "no" as a response and swallowing disappointment.

4. Courtesy.

While there are things I don't agree with in the Disney Parks, there is one thing that never fails to floor me. All the Disney crew know everything. And however unreasonable you are, they deal with you in the most polite of ways. With the ridiculously long queues, the adults in our party divided and conquered. Some of us stayed with the kids on the rides while others queued for other rides. When we were done, we would race to the next ride that we were already in line for to hop on. For the It's a Small World ride, JED's grandparents had made it to the front of the queue before we got there. This meant we had to "Excuse me, sorry, please let us through!" a large number of people who were also patiently queuing. Grandparents who cannot stand to see their grand kids miss rides tried to circumvent rules and encouraged them to duck under barrier chains. This was when the Disney Crew member materialised and told us ever so nicely that it was dangerous for the child. No matter how much the grand maters thought volume could intimidate, the crew members were reasonable. And Evan noticed it. He pointed out how they were always smiling even though they must be tired and cold and they were always helpful.

5. Attention to Detail.

The wait for rides can be phenomenally long (see Lesson 1). But there is usually enough around us to keep us entertained for at least 15 minutes. Vignettes, installations, pictures and music. Muffin explored everything and the twins dance to the music and make up stories along the way. I loved that there were always things to look at and for the kids to discover. Much thought obviously went into everything, including a tunnel the train would go through and that's admirable. We were also told that the minute the park closes, the flood lights come on and an entire crew comes in, armed with brushes and a handy man tool belt, to touch up every single display so that it looks the new, bright and sparkly that we have come to associate with Disney. Someone once said that if anyone had Disney on the resume, it amounted to quite something. After observing how the place runs, I have no doubt.

JED had a great time and I am especially glad that Muffin understood and could enjoy more this time round. Unfortunately for now, all they remember of Disneyland is the blustery winds that caused them to be perpetually cold and resulting in chill burn all over their hands and faces.

Will we come back again? Not for a while I think. My feet need many more years to recover. 

Read More

A Proud Moment

I often use the fact that I am a teacher as a soapbox. I tell students, that while their A's and academic achievements are good things, they aren't what I count as my greatest successes. I tell them that the reality of the situation is that the world is bigger than they are and that in the face of all these problems, it is easy to just go living the way they do and pretending not to see the reality. I tell them that what they try to do to change it might seem insignificant, but every single bit counts. And if enough people hear that, mountains begin to move. I tell them that it is their responsibility to do so. This was something that I told students way before I became a mother.

It is the same thing that I tell JED. That because they are fortunate children and they have a lot of nice things, sometimes they don't notice that the problems are there. But because they are have grown up privilleged, they need to help those who have less than they do. I am never certain, though, how much they internalise, from what I say.

But today, I get a message from JED's school about Evan that I felt most definitely warranted a blog post and us telling him that we were very happy and proud of him.

This was the message from his Math teacher (verbatim).

'We counted the money Evan and his classmates collected from their mega art show (how timely that we are also learning about money now!). And I wondered aloud to the children what the teachers were going to do with the money. I knew that the teachers had planned to buy some treats and have a mini celebration with the children. But Evan was the first to raise his hand and quickly said "We could give it to the poor children." My day was touched by an angel. What a compassionate boy!'

It was one of those moments where I had tears, my heart grew big and everything in the world felt perfect and right.

He starts Primary One next year. He goes to a school where affluence and entitlement is obvious. My prayer for him is that as he grows older and the world he sees becomes more complicated and enticing; where comfort and ease are premium, that he will still remember to be the six year old that selflessly raised his hand to help those less well off.

Hooking up with

Read More

Joy

They are the triple whammy and can be exhausting.

But they have this ability to bring an inordinate amount of joy to those around them.

For that, we are forever thankful, everyday.

 Technorati Tags: children, qualities, parenthood

Read More

Cheeky

If there is one quality that is bursting forth from Muffin, it is cheekiness.

He finds every opportunity to be cheeky and even when 'behaves' the way you want him to, it's all his eyes.

He just can't help it. It's as if he knows a joke or a secret that you don't. And you can't stop laughing.

 Technorati Tags: pre-schooler, cheekiness

Read More

Curiosity

Evan's favourite past time, if we allowed him to, is to pick up sticks, dried leaves, seeds and play with soil.

While it is definitely unhygienic,  he has learnt to make very insightful observations and ask questions that many a time, I cannot answer.

His favourite books are information books. His favourite publisher, DK. The first words that he learnt to read were the names of planets. 

He is a real geek and is insatiable in his quest for answers.

I just hope that there will always be someone or somewhere he can get answers from.

Technorati Tags: Twins, Curiosity, Pre-schoolers

Read More

Expressive

She is the consummate performer.

She may not be as studious as her brother but when it comes to performing, she soaks up all the attention and gives it back tenfold to her audience.

It allows her to bloom in a way that makes her presence bigger than her tiny 1.1m frame.

And she loves it. She is so immersed in the music or the art that it emanates through her.

Technorati Tags: pre-schoolers, pre-schoolers, Performer

Read More

Patience

Long suffering, tired and irritated by all the bits of hair that is prickling him all over.

He sits as still as he can.

He suffers in silence.

But his face shows it all.

Technorati Tags: Pre-schoolers, Haircuts

Read More

Helpfulness

We have a helper in our household. But we try to get the kids to help out. Hang up the clothes, clear the table, that sort of thing.

Evan is Mr Helpful.
He loves helping and does it without asking.
When Muffin was being potty trained, he would volunteer to take the potty to the bathroom to wash it out.

We worried that he would spill the contents of the potty. But we never stopped him. And he never did.

Technorati Tags: twins, responsibility

Read More

Responsibility

Inspired by Offsprings who did a week of emotions, I shall attempt a week of qualities.

Next week is Muffin's birthday. We'll have a little do in school. I ask the twins if they want to be there. Of course they do. So I told them that they had to get their teachers to call me so that I could ask them.

Jordan: What happens if I forget?
Mommy: Then you don't get to go.
Evan: I WILL NEVER FORGET.

An hour later, I receive a phone call from Jordan's teacher who is trying not to laugh while she regales to me my daughter's earnestness.

Jordan: Aunty C, you need to call my Mommy. Now.
Aunty C: Why? Did something happen?
Jordan: You just need to call her.
Aunty C (Alarmed): Is something wrong? If there is, you need to tell me ok?
Jordan: You need to call her now so that I won't forget and I can go to Muffin's birthday in his classroom.

And she stood and watched her teacher as her teacher dialled my number. Satisfied that I was on the other line and only then does she wander back to her table. 

So it worked. I taught her responsibility by putting it in her hands to make sure she got to go to her little brother's birthday party. Now, I shall await Evan's teacher's call. After all, he will never forget.

 Technorati Tags: twins, responsibility

Read More