I don't wanna grow up

-Crazy momma post ahead!-

Following on from the last post as we finish up kindy, we've been busy with Primary 1 orientation. It's where the kids meet their teachers and classmates for next year. They get taken on a tour of the school. Evan's eyes gleamed when he saw the complicated playground at the back of the school. Jordan just wanted to walk on the balance beams that they had.

Another reason why they do orientation is so that the children don't get too overwhelmed by the sea of students that will engulf them on the first day of school. And to the school's credit, they do a pretty good job. Even though in each of the orientations we attended, they were screamers and a lot of tears, Jordan and Evan held up admirably.

But they weren't the problem. I was. Both schools required us to drop off the children with their classes. At Jordan's school, as we rushed into the hall without stopping at the bathroom or anything, Jordan gets whisked off by an older student without so much as a wave and a bye to Mom. With Evan, it was pretty much the same thing.

I was then left to wander off and find a seat by myself to listen to the principal's briefing. And as she did so, it dawned upon me that while the kids seemed cool bananas and aptly prepared the face this new environment, kudos to the kindy for prepping and psyching them, no one really prepared the Momma!

Packrat rolled his eyes at me when he realised that I had tears in the corners of my eyes and I was asking him anxious, paranoid momma type questions like "What if he/ she is hungry? They hadn't eaten yet?", "What if they need to pee? We didn't go to the bathroom before coming in?", "What if they panic?" and a thousand other paranoid, crazy 'what if?' questions.

And then, there was the buying of their school books from the bookstore and as I did that, I kept thinking, it wasn't that long ago that I was doing it for myself in secondary school and now I'm doing it for my kids. Why am I doing this for my kids? How can they be big enough for me to buy primary school books for? Cognitive dissonance and overload. 

So my conclusion is that while the kids are ready to move on and grow up (they can't wait apparently), I'm desperately clinging onto their last vestiges of baby-hood. Once they head up to primary school, by no stretch of the imagination will they still be my babies! And I'm not ready to deal with that.