Things to say if you want to be a bad mother.

Part of my reading diet consists of parenting blogs from the NY Times and Huffington Parents. It's a nice read when I'm in the mood because it inspires me to be a better parent and to be mindful of how some stuff I do could or say could impact JED.

But then there are days where everything I do and everything that comes out of my mouth goes against everything I read about positive parenting. I'm rude, I'm condescending, I'm mean and sometimes just plain bitchy.

Here are things that JED have said that made me snap (in every sense of the word).

1. "Mommy, Mommmy, Mommmmy, Mommmmmy! Where are you Mommmmmmmmmmmmy???"

Response: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT???????????

2. Me: So can you tell me one thing you are thankful for today?

JED's response: NOTHING. Today was a horrible day. Nothing was good. At all.

Me: Okay, fine. Then we'll switch off the air-conditioning, strip you of your clothes and you sleep on the floor without pillows.

3. One of JED: I don't want to wake up for school tomorrow. I hate school. I'm tired and I don't want to go to school.

Me: Fine, then don't go. And you can be illiterate for all I care.

4. One of JED: Why can't we play Minecraft? Everyone plays Minecraft. Why can't we?
Me: It'll make you stupid. Do you want to be stupid?

5. One of JED: Mommy, drop me here, NOW.
Me (Stops the car by the side of the road): Ok. Get out. NOW.

6. Me: Wake up. It's 6.15am. You're going to be late for school. (10 mins later) WAKE UP! It's 6.25 am. YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR SCHOOL!

One of JED: I'm still sleepy. I'm tired.

Me: Okay fine. We're leaving at 6.50AM, if you're not ready, we're leaving without you. You can walk to school. And if you're hot and sweaty, too bad. If your teacher scolds you, too bad. If you get lost because you don't know the way, too bad.  And don't think you can stay at home because you can't. You can jolly well find your own way to school.

7. JED, even the barely literate one, love reading at meals and it drags meal times past the hour. Despite nagging, no one hurries. So one of two things happen. Sometimes both. The meals get taken away from them and dumped in the trash. Their books get taken away and hidden.

8. Me: It's time to wash up. Please brush your teeth and get ready for bed.
One of JED: I don't care.
Me: Okay, then I won't care either. (Opens the front gate and walks out of the house).

9. Me: Go to bed. It's late.
One of JED: I can't sleep.
Me: Close your eyes and you'll fall asleep.
One of JED: I can't sleep. I'm restless. I don't want to sleep. Lalalalalalala!
Me: Get out of the room, NOW.
One of JED: no,
Physically hauls said child out of the room, slams the door and locks child outside.

A contrite child, knowing that she and her siblings had incurred the wrath of the mater.

When all these things happen, it's a surreal out of body experience. I see myself yell and I know I shouldn't. But it's like aliens have taken over and I have no rational control over the parts of my brain that does these things.

Sufficed to say, I am horrified at myself after said exchanges. Actually I'm mortified. And then I berate myself for being an awful mother.

It's been one of those days.