The Couple from Bimboland

A friend rang me and asked if Packrat had given me a push present to reward me for birthing the twins. My initial reaction was horror at such an archaic idea and then indignation at the thought of having to be rewarded for going through child birth. It made me sound like an unwilling birth machine who had been forced by cruel in laws to produce a son and the benevolent husband thought it generous to reward such an effort and sacrifice on my part.

On top of that, we weren't the type of people that gave or received huge bling as presents. So I told the friend, apologies but all I got was a diaper bag albeit expensive but a diaper bag nonetheless. Strangely enough, The Straits Times's Urban section still thought it a worth while story and asked if they could interview us.

I agreed to do the story only if Packrat and I could tell the story our way emphasising what was important and playing down the present bit. Both of us felt very strongly about how sometimes, it goes unnoticed that Mommies after delivering feel kinda crappy. It's to do with the hormones which go into a tailspin, the expectations of childbirth and what actually happened, the great sense of being overwhelmed and not knowing what the heck to do with the squealing and helpless babe who is a stranger to everyone.

We wanted to talk about how it wasn't the gift that was given to me but that Packrat thought about me and went out and did something for me when I was feeling blue and overwhelmed. That bringing the babies home was a scary thing and a husband's support was important.

The problem was that it was going to be featured in Urban- so instead of it sounding sensitive it came across making us sound like the ditzs from Bimboland. That all it took to get me out of feeling blue was an expensive bag. That my husband buys my affection by buying me gifts and that's how our relationship survives...on gifts! That even though baby-rearing was hard, all it took to make it better was an expensive diaper bag. Unless it was a diaper bag of magical proportions, I don't think that was possible. It might have been an expensive bag but it was still just a bag.

And I think, we're going to get so much flak from our parents who were from the generation where being extravagant is frowned upon. That so much money was wasted, that the hospital diaper bag (which is butt ugly) could have worked as well and my children's diapers did not need to be housed in an expensive bag.

That's why I hate being interviewed by the press. They already have a story in mind and scrunge up your words to fit it into that story even if it's far from the truth. Well, at least I got a nice photograph out of it.



Here's the article for those overseas and had enough sense not to pay money for a ST online subscription.

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Being a first-time Mum to two babies sure ain't child's play. But for Ondine, 31, the challenge of tending to fraternal twins Jordan Alyssa and Evan Joshua is now easier to bear, thanks to the gift of a $600 Kate Spade diaper bag.

Husband Packrat, 31, surprised her with the Mummy present during her confinement period.

Explaining why she was so thrilled by the gift, the junior college teacher says: 'It's easy for a new mother to feel down because her hormones are out of whack and she is emotionally overwhelmed by the baby.

'It doesn't help that all the weight gained during pregnancy makes one feel unattractive. Plus, everyone's attention is focused on the child and the mother is often neglected.

'So when my husband came home with a present just for me, it really made me feel special.'

For Packrat, also a junior college teacher, the gift was about affirming his love for his wife.

'I wanted to let her know that things between us as a couple haven't changed even though we're now parents. She'll always be to me a wife first, and a mother to my children second.'

On the choice of the gift, he said his wife had mentioned in passing that she liked Kate Spade bags.

He had originally wanted to get her a Kate Spade handbag, 'something that isn't obviously a mother's gift' and that she could enjoy independently of the kids.

But the designs of the regular bags did not appeal to him. So he ended up picking a cheery- coloured diaper bag that comes with a detachable changing mat.

Ondine uses the bag whenever the couple take the six-month-old twins out.

Packrat's demonstration of affection towards his wife does not end with the diaper bag.

The couple make it a point to spend quality time together without the children, going out at least once a week when the twins are asleep at their grandparents' home to catch a movie or grab supper.

Ondine says: 'Our children are important to us, but we believe that for the family to be close, the marriage has first got to be strong. Recognising our relationship as a couple, through gifts and time spent together, is part of it.'

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