Boys and Girls

Much as we try very hard not to stereotype the boys and girl at home, they inevitably show their differences in ways that were never schooled by us. It's amusing to see the differences so stark.

1. Language.
For Evan, language is functional. He would love the Chinese variety of English where articles are unnecessary. We try to get him to be a bit more effusive. But he goes straight to the point. And he reports the facts.

So, recently, when he thought his terrapin had escaped, he sent us a text to let us know. It was polite, formal and informative. All bits of relevant information were there.

Following his message was Jordan's. It was over-dramatic and read like the buttons got sticky on the emojis. It told us pretty much the same thing though we had to wade through the deluge of ellipses and emoticons. So effusive it wouldn't fit into one screen shot. 

                     

On a side note, they found the terrapin wandering around the garden. 

2. Play. 

While Jordan is happy to engage the boys in rough play and can keep up with her brothers and their shenanigans, her preference for play is indoors and quiet (mostly). She still loves pretend play but her pretend play has evolved (whenever allowed) into playing dress-up for real. So, at a recent sleepover with her best friend, she and her BFF gave each other manicures and pedicures and then broke into her mum's make up kit and slathered enough eye shadow on their eyes to be on stage. Thankfully the mum thought it was hysterical and did not read them the riot act for spoiling her make-up.

For the record, I don't approve of manicures, pedicures or make up for 9 year olds but I think we all did it at some point in our childhood. 

The boys, taking advantage of the fact that their bossy sister was out were loud, gregarious and rough with one another. They chased each other, played Monkey in the Middle, worked collaboratively on some Lego project and were downstairs or at the playground. There was a lot of inappropriate toilet humour and they happily made a mess of the house. 

Similar to Jordan, there's a lot of pretend play as well but it includes make-believe swords or sabres and lots of sound effects that rain saliva pellets everywhere. 

At the end of the day though, both kinds of play require good bath after. One to remove all that make up and the other to remove all the stink, sweat and sand off thei

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Censorship

As JED grow older and their exposure to things grows, they pick up strange things along the way. I remember how stunned I was when a 3-4 year old Evan, while playing with toy planes, flew two towards each other shouting "Evasive manoeuvre!"  or when Muffin, on seeing the BBC logo on the screen declaring "This is the BBC World Service!". Along with all these funny and occasionally useful snippets of information, they do pick up things that we have to clamp down on.

Mostly it's got to do with attitude and language.

They watch mostly American television shows and the occasional Chinese animation. And both have issues that we have to temper.

1. Language.
There are words that we ban outright because 8 year olds or 5 year olds shouldn't be using language like that. Evan was stunned when he got smacked on the back of his head for declaring "I am DAMN full!" . We told him "damn" was not a word to describe how full he was and "damn" meant to send someone to hell or criticise badly. Either of which, it wasn't appropriate for him to describe the state of how much food he had eaten.

This however, was something they pick up, not just from television but from the kids in school. Muffin, while unsuccessfully fixing his Lego, uttered the expletive "Ah... F*#k!" to our horror. Evidently, he picked it up from an older kid on the bus.

So these are the outright words that we have to constantly police and Evan, being in a boys' school, seems to hear them in THX surround sound.

2. Words.
Then there are the more insidious words that we have to catch. Words that are inherently harmless on the own but when uttered with juvenile arrogance never fails to make the blood boil.

i. Jordan: Fine (with the eye roll)
ii. Evan: Whatever (while turning his back to you)
iii. Muffin: Boring
iv. JED: Sentences that begin with "I WANT YOU TO..."

Pt iii. is the most commonly used. Every.Thing.Is.Boring. And they whine about wanting gadgets that others have or the television. Our current retort is that if what we do is boring to them and they don't want to do it then we won't do what they want to do which we find boring. On top of that, there are always chores and homework that we can find for them to do to cure boredom. That is usually met with an extremely sullen and reluctant silence.

And with Muffin, we can't issue the awful threat of rubbing chilli on his lips/ mouth for using inappropriate language because he actually likes the stuff. 

If necessary, we'll try soap. 

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The things they say

We love eavesdropping on JED's conversations with one another and we love their conversations with us. 

They say the darndest things. 

Of course, there have been occasion where they've actually used swear words that they've inadvertently picked up. But then there are funny phrases that make us chuckle and go "where did you get that from?"

Jordan

Because she picked up our anthology of Edgar Allen Poe and insisted on trying to read something from it. Because she told me she didn't understand what she read. Because I asked her if it was hard to read. Her response was "verily". 

Evan

Playing some version of 20 questions with Jordan and Muffin in the car. His question is "Is it friend or foe?" Not entirely sure which television show he picked it up from but it's still quite fancy. 

Muffin

He asks to watch Wallace and Gromit because it's been a while. Before it begins, the letters BBC flash across the screen. His reaction to it in as proper English as a five year old could muster, "This is the BBC World Service."

Funny the things they internalise and pull out of their hats. Of course, we have to watch what we say in front of them and what they read but for most part, it's just amusing.

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Choosing our battles with Chinese

We're almost at the end of the first term of Primary 2. Things are moving at an infinitely faster pace. It isn't frenetic yet but it's slowly getting there. There is something on practically every day and the twins take it in their stride as long as they get some time to run around downstairs and shout on top of their voices. But the day they hate the most is Wednesday. On Wednesday, they spend two hours in what Packrat and I have labelled Nazi Chinese class. This was the same holiday class that the twins were doing at the end of last year. This was the same class that Evan didn't want to continue and we insisted they had to because it was good for them.

Admirably, they've stuck to the strict regime of homework that would require the entire week in between classes to complete. Chinese compositions to re-copy, spelling to practice, paragraphs to memorise and passages to practice reading out loud. But the thing is while they've definitely become more resilient in the face of great difficulty and in their eyes, drugery, we have decided to concede that it isn't for them. 

We discovered this about 3 weeks into the term but decided that we had a responsibility to the twins to make sure they see through the term. The reasons why we felt this way were that

1. Evan was demoralised. Every single Tuesday night, he would tell us how much he dreaded going to class the next day. He felt like he was being picked on by the teachers because he was slower writing. I didn't believe him until I saw the teacher rolling her eyes at him above his head. So he didn't see it but the Mommy peeping in to check if they were done caught it in full.

2. The school and therefore the teachers work on a different pedagogical philosophy than we subscribe to. We don't and have never believed in putting down a child to motivate him or her to succeed. Perhaps some children respond to that but we have never treated JED that way and therefore they recoil from being treated in that way. It has a lot to do with my mother reminding me to "teach a child from what he knows to what he doesn't know" rather than "This is what you ought to know, I don't care how you get to that point, but you bloody well get there or suffer wrath." And it didn't seem to matter that what they ought to know was various standards above what they actually knew at this point. This actually makes this Nazi Chinese class a great class for kids who want to excel. But for kids like mine that still need to have the love for the language cultivated and the pillars of the language strengthened, nope. Akin to building a skyscrapper on swampland.

3. We spent many of their pre-schooling years in schools that were bigger on nurturing than demanding excellence for results. This school was markedly different. Nurture? Where is there time to nurture? We have things to do and places to go. Flail? Learn how to swim? Can't? Then, drown.

4. Jordan was becoming too competitive. Because they put so much emphasis on who finished first, she always wanted to finish first regardless of the quality of her work.

I did blog about sticking to our guns and letting them go through it. Well, guns have been stuck to and gone through they have. We've given our notice and we're done with it.

Practically, it does leave a big hole in supporting their Chinese. And we've been trying to plug it ourselves, the way we want them to learn while we find something of the right fit. This has meant that I've had read to JED in my very rusty and patchy Chinese. It's also meant that Packrat and I have spent a whole afternoon on the floor drawing up matching flash cards for the twins just so that part of their revision becomes a game rather than mundane memory work. Perhaps this way, they retain it past the test next week.

It would be so much easier to concede as necessary the whole rote, over-teaching schtick that everyone is buying into. That way, I can, in all good conscience, keep them in the Nazi Chinese class because it is good for them and I can be sure that they won't fail at the language. My way? They truly might fail But that is looking at it only from my perspective. From their point of view,  Evan hates the language already and barely tolerates it. If I stuck him at the Nazi Chinese Centre for the long term, it might end up with him having such a revulsion for the language that once he figures out how to be more rebellious, he won't care if he fails at it. Jordan, she might pick up a bit more from it but at what cost? Becoming uber competitive and crying every time she doesn't come in first?

I wasn't fantastic at Chinese but I had neighbours that I played with, who spoke only Chinese and I loved the Channel 8 dramas. Those two things saved me from the fate that awaited my very anglo, mission school- going brothers. I didn't hate it like they did because I used it and I was conversant in it and it helped me do relatively well for it. Even if I'm no longer there, it's where I want JED to be at and my sense is that forcing what seems to be the industry's standard of what is the best down their little potato-banana throats is really not going to help this cause.

So we fight smart. We forsake this war in the hope that we will have energy for the longer battle and it might be a little bit more painless.

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Figuratively speaking

Occasionally, JED come home with book lists from Scholastic. It allows us to order cheap paper back versions of kid books. It's mostly shooting blind; the books are either a hit or a miss. But sometimes I order one that is a gem.

A Chocolate Moose for Dinner is definitely a gem.

It's filled with words that have homophones that mean something very different. It's all wordplay and figurative language. And it's from a child's perspective; the child who struggles to make sense of their increasingly complicated world with whatever tools he has at his disposal.

And the hilarious results that ensue.

The twins got these ones and were in stitches; especially the image of the daddy in the toaster.

The pictures are in a vintage style and tickle me to no end, especially the gorilla (guerilla) war one and the praying (prey) on animals one.

Muffin has tried to make sense of it. The gorillas are shooting. They're shooting at people who are taking their bananas. JED don't really understand it all fully yet but they think the pictures are hilarious, even Muffin. I've tried to explain it to them but as with all jokes that you explain, it takes the funny out of it.

I'm keeping the book around till they are older to really use it fully. It's important they learn play on words and figurative speech. After all, Packrat and Evan's godpa are king of corny humour. On top of that, it was written by Fred Gywnne who was the part of the Munsters and played Frankenstein. It's important for cultural capital even if it's very western-centric. But for now, it's for Packrat and I to chuckle at.

Arms race. Hee hee.

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Of Reason and Rhetoric

The twins are going to be 6 in June and it's funny that there are glimpses of the little adults in them. This is especially evident with Evan who has always had a logical mind but he is much more articulate in expressing it. He can be whiny and complain-y but when he chooses to, his sense of logical reasoning is something that floors me.

The twins bicker and quarrel a lot in the car.
Mommy: Evan, Jordan, please stop speaking to each other like that.
Jordan and Evan's thought bubble: Ignore Mommy and continue going at it.
Mommy: JORDAN! EVAN! PLEASE STOP IT. Do you ever hear Mommy and Papa speak to each other like that?
Jordan (subdued): no.
Mommy: If Mommy and Papa don't shout at each other like that and don't speak to each other like that, do you think you should?
Evan: But Mummy, you and Papa are not brother and sister. Shouldn't it be you and Uncle Mark (my brother)?
Mommy (Mentally facepalming): Okay, fine. Have you heard Mommy and Uncle Mark speak to each other like that?

Evan: Mama (Grandma) says yes.

Mommy 0, Evan 1.

I suspect, it might get to a point where I will have to use the "BECAUSE I SAID SO"  cheat to get out of an argument alive.

Then there is Jordan, who is gentler and more expressive. She speaks with a whole lot more fluff and emotion. She has learnt rhetoric at 6.

This morning. she got up before Muffin and kept trying to wake him up.

Mommy: Don't wake Muffin up please.
Jordan: But I love him.
Mommy: If you love him, let him sleep.
Jordan: But I love him.  I am lonely without him. I want to read with him. I want to eat breakfast with him. I want to play with him. And I love him.

By which point, Muffin woke up and was happy to oblige her.

I think it will be Muffin who will be the one with few words. The other two always have too much to say.

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