You're Not the Boss of Me

As they get older, JED are more independent in some ways. They are able to come home on the bus or train by themselves and they are able to navigate the neighbourhood quite effectively on their own. But at the same time, they're also a bit needy and a pain in the neck. Because they are older, sometimes, when Packrat and I have a bit of time at night, we tell them to get themselves to bed so that "mommy and papa can go out".

Last night was one such night. We'd had dinner with them and had warned them then that we would be slipping out for a bit after they went to bed. Then came the imperious questioning.

Jordan: Where are you going?
Me: We're going to get a foot massage.
Jordan: How long will that take?
Me: One hour.
Jordan: What time is your appointment?
Me: 8.40 pm.
Jordan: So, we should expect you back by 10pm?
Me: dots.

Muffin chimes in.
Muffin: Don't stop anywhere for a rest ok?
Me: What?
Muffin: The other night, you said you were going to the bank and it was 10 minutes. You came back an hour later.
Papa: That's because we stopped for a drink.
Muffin: Yes. You need to come back immediately. You can't stay out for a rest at a restaurant for a drink.
Papa: dots.

So, apparently, we grew up, fought the restrictions in our parents' homes and struck out on our own, became parents in our own right, only to now be answerable to our nazi-kids.

All we can say to them is "wait till you start dating, young lads..." Ten fold. Million fold.

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Comfort

As JED grow older, they tend to be more disagreeable with one another. It is inevitable. All 3 have strong personalities and are not pushovers. Each want their way and is angered when their way is not the preferred way of the other two.

But on occasion, we see that there really is a connection between them and they really do have a soft spot for each other, under the often prickly exterior. Rather 'durian' relationship they have.

These are moments that fuel me and give me hope especially when they are so angry they stomp on each other and break each other's things.



Muffin

It was Muffin's birthday and we had a swim date gathering for him and his friends. On the day of the swim date, he came up to me to ask if I could invite his sister's friends so that she had people to play with instead of a pool full of boys.

Jordan was upset with being reminded of a memory of great-grandpa passing away and was sobbing in the back seat of the car. I couldn't get to her so I despatched her two brothers to sit and hold her while she sobbed.

Evan

Evan is the least physically affectionate. He likes when I hug him but not his siblings. He is great with words of comfort though he's logical at his most comforting. He's also calm and doesn't freak out. He will however, be a nightmare for future weeping girlfriends/ wife because he will offer logic and solutions as comfort and we all know how well that always goes down. But his logic helps Jordan see that it's not a spiraling abyss of despair and hopelessness. I'm not sure if he offers any comfort to Muffin because his tone with Muffin is often one of "I told you so". It toughens Muffin up though; he gets no sympathy from his brother and therefore knows it's not a big deal and he should stop with the whining.



Jordan

The most empathetic of the three, she acutely feels everyone else's dismay. Most evident was when Evan was leaving for camp and was anxious and worried about it. He couldn't be soothed by her stories of assurance so eventually she just threw her arms around him and held him tight. I think he appreciated that. 

They also tell stories to each other at night before they go to bed. After the initial excitement of having their own rooms, they have now reverted to camping out in one room with one sibling squished on a mattress on the floor. And that offers them comfort- for the child who is fearful of some movie he watched. The one who comes home late and knows that even if she is falling asleep by herself, she can do that to the sound of her brothers' breathing.  For the other whose mind is often racing just as he falls asleep, the inane discussions the other two have help slow his mind down enough for him to drift off.

All is good in the house when we see this happen and we shore up these moments because in the next minute, these loving siblings will be transformed into Gremlins out to get one another. 

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Revisiting Melbourne

We've been wanting to go back to Melbourne for a very long time. We moved back to Singapore close to 15 years ago and haven't been back for 10 years. Since JED were now old enough to appreciate Melbourne as where "Mommy and Daddy met and went to school", we thought it was a good time to do it.

We didn't expect to feel as nostalgic as we did when we got there. So this post is basically Melbourne, through our eyes, as opposed to the subsequent post, which will be Melbourne, through the eyes of JED.

What we generally did was to re-trace our lives in Melbourne, right from touch down.

There was
1. Breakfast at Thresherman's. 
We didn't eat here on a daily basis because we were poor students but on the occasion or when there was family in town, we'd come here for brunch. It was a 5 minute walk from our house. I remember giant fruit salad take away bowls, hot soup in the winter and farmer's breakfasts. Incidentally, when we bought the farmer's breakfast for JED, they complained it tasted weird. When we tried it, we realised that their definition of weird was our definition of 'fresh'.
 

2. Uni of course.
Because we were at Thresherman's, we were close to uni and since we couldn't check in to our apartment, we went to uni for a walk around. That's when all the feels came flooding back.

To humour JED, we recreated a photo we took when we got engaged and we took a photo at the stop light where we first met.

But for us, it was walking around, remembering what it was like to walk through the various buildings and hallways on the way to lectures, marvelling about the things that hadn't changed and the buildings that were new, bright and shiny.

There is something about old buildings, blue skies and trees that makes the heart rate slow and the blood pressure drop a bit.

3. The old apartment

No trip down memory lane would be complete without visiting the old house. We pointed out to the twins where we would BBQ, where we kept our dog for a while, where Packrat and their Uncle's bedroom was. We told them about Barry the neighbourhood cat who would surely be dead by now though it didn't stop us from looking in the same places that he would hang out.

3. Food

I warned Packrat that when it came to food, we might be a bit disappointed because we were students on a budget then and now that we are a bit older and more discerning, it could possibly be a case of "What did I just put in my mouth?".

There was Italian at Sofia's where it was about mass rather than quantity as well as taking up the challenge of the giant gelato. Even with 9 people, we didn't manage to finish the gelato nor the food but everyone was happy and left in a blissfully stupourous state.

There was also Vietnamese many times over, steaks for our carnivorous tribe and some Chinese thrown in for familiarity sake. For Packrat and myself, souvalkis were necessary because souvalkis remind us of our first real date. Unfortunately, it was a truly a situation where the eyes were larger than the tummy because we couldn't finish the souvalkis. We forgot to take into account the difference between 20 year old's and a 40 year old's appetite.

4. Friends

No pictures here but meeting up with ex students who have lived in Melbourne for longer than I did as well as ex-classmates was on the agenda. We visited their homes, ate where they ate and did what they did. Not touristy at all. In fact, it was these meet ups where we learnt of the reality that Melbourne is actually more costly to live than Singapore, that housing, transportation and even food ($3 for a box of plain rice is daylight robbery) is as costly if not more than in Singapore. A nice reality check for the grass is always greener sentiments.

And then, for me, there was
5. Ballet.

Not specifically for me but for Jordan, to meet my old ballet teacher and to take class in my old ballet school. Time stood still in the ballet school, right down to the carpeting and the ballet studios. Even the teachers. Jordan got to meet my old teacher and take some classes with her. What she taught Jordan, watching her teach class and instilling the same discipline and etiquette I remember from all those years ago, I felt I was an undergrad and the years had melted away. But I wasn't.

10 days of re-tracing our steps and then we had to pack up and come back to reality. But while it lasted, it was good.

Some would say that the past should stay in the past. But I think that occasionally, it's a good thing to touch base with the past. It reminds us of simpler times, what it's like to slow down a little bit, not to get too caught up in the things that actually don't matter and laugh some.

 

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Odyssey

There's been radio silence.

There's a reason for it. Every couple of years, we take the kids on what has become a traditional odyssey of sorts.

To date, our odysseys have been to the North American continent and this one was no different.

It was meant to herald the beginning of Muffin's primary school life. We did a similar one to Hawaii when the twins were entering primary school.

Our vacation this time was unabashedly non-educational. There was going to be no value in it in terms of exposing them to new lands, new cultures, geography or scenery. We went with one intention; to go on the Disney Cruise, which itself was just about indulgence and comfort. Add on to that, being in the theme park city of the world, we spent the rest of our time in theme parks, riding roller coasters and soaking in everything make believe and computer generated. In other words, we did not go to the United States, we went on a themepark holiday.

But JED had a great time as did we. And it wasn't true that they didn't learn anything. This trip was a first for them in many ways.

1. They had to look after themselves and they did so in a myriad of ways.
In Orlando, they slept in the upstairs bedroom while we were downstairs. They were in charge of getting themselves ready in the morning without any prompting. Many a morning, they appeared at my bedroom door all ready to head to the parks.

2. They had to look after each other.
On occasion, we would leave them alone to get groceries, get dinner and even do a spot of shopping. My paranoid imagination had them fighting and hurting each other or me coming home to a house on fire. But none of that played up. They watched TV, cleared the table at the designated time (as monitored by Evan), brought everything into the kitchen with no mess and nothing broken (supervised by Jordan) and then trooped up to wash up (closely watched by a hawk-like Muffin).

3. They looked after their own things.
For children who have a helper in the house, they can be awfully spoilt and messy. But on vacation and with my declaration that I wasn't going to pick up after them, after the nth time they were unable to find their toys or their pyjamas smelt funky because they left them in a pile together with a wet towel, almost everything got folded away or put away nicely. It wasn't perfect but it was good enough.

Granted, there was the non-Facebook- non Disneyfied version. That included
a) a bout of food poisoning which required a jab and quarantine
b) a hacking cough (that lasted all holiday and made it back 3 continents)
c) bad food (Poor Chinaman Muffin had nothing much to eat except for fries, hash browns, sausages and chicken tenders and even that got old quite quickly)
d) the occasional bad weather (either too hot or too cold)
e) too much walking causing exhausted, painful feet, whiny children too heavy to carry
g) bad airport queues causing us to almost miss on flights on multiple occasions
f) 13 hour long transatlantic flights with our girl child who was unable to sleep, kept throwing up and eventually only settled sleeping on the cabin floor at the back of the plane.

But even then, we miss it.

So, posterity, the a video that JED and Packrat worked very hard to make.



It'll be a holiday we all will be talking about for a long time to come.

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Holiday Wish List of Fun

Today is the last day of school and I couldn't be happier. I look forward to the coming month of minimal work and lots and lots of play.

I was asked why I looked forward to the holidays since it would mean having 3 kids underfoot and fighting. True that but I revel not having to worry about homework for a while. During one of the exam nights where we were fantasising about what we could do post exams, the twins came up with a list. I did promise that we would try to do some of the things on their list.

So here were some of their requests.

1. Go to Playeum.
Some months back, we were invited to Playeum and their Art of Speed installation. They loved it and have been clamouring to go back. Fortuitously, right about the same time, Playeum invites us to their new theme, Hideways- Creating with Nature. So the day Jordan was done with her exams, we high-tailed out of school like a bat out of hell and we spent the afternoon there .

I need to state categorically that I love Playeum and revel every chance we get to go there. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

a. This installation had a science geeky bit with microscopes and specimens that Evan gravitated to. On top of that, there was a live stream of a hornet somewhere outside, building a nest. Near enough to see, not near enough to get into trouble.

b. It had a buffet of raw materials for JED to create things. 

They don't tell the kids how to play, explicitly or implicitly. They just leave out trays of raw recycled material and art supplies and set the kids free onto them. Of course, for those who need a bit more structure and order, there are helpers around to help guide them to make stuff. This installation's theme was to make Sounds of the Earth, which was cool on its on. 

JED however, deep into their Harry Potter obsession chose to use the raw materials to fashion themselves some pretty awesome wands. And rafts. Very Lord of the Flies.

c. The Possibilities

There was the Dark Space area as well as the Creative Cave. Personally, I love the Dark Space. The whole of Playeum including the Dark Space is a play of play but the kids naturally slow in it and they take time to look around and revel in the dark. The dark triggers and heightens other senses and children play differently there. 

JED however, used it as a juxtaposition to the bright outside; when their play required them to be in the day light, they were outside and when it was night, they would come in here and they used the strips of fabric and everything they could get their hands on to build a night time web.

Everything was up to them. They got to create their own worlds and after weeks of doing what they needed to do for the exams, it was such a relief for them to just unwind and create. So we got that checked off our list fast and furious!

2. Read.

They wanted to read uninterrupted and that was one of the first things they did post exams. During the exams, they could only read in spurts. At meal times, at break, at bed time. They really just wanted to be able to read and lose themselves in it.

And they've been reveling in it. The house is occasionally quiet with the kids fully immersed in what they are reading and both twins have finished the huge tome of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Even Evan, who is more reluctant to read, has asked for more books to read during the holidays having polished off 4 in the time between his exams ending and today. 

I've hit the library for them and have been trawling both Book Depository and Amazon to pick out stuff for them. Their birthday is the end of the month. I've declared a moratorium on toys as gifts but books, I'm very happy to indulge. 

3. Write.

This is more Jordan than Evan but she wants to spend time writing. She's discovered that writing and compositions aren't synonymous and now that she has a month away from compositions, she just wants to write. She's got books and coloured pens to write with and she's ready to attack writing with a vengeance. We've also signed both of them up for a writing workshop at Writing Sprouts where they get to do a week of writing and gets to publish their own book at the end of it. 

4. Help. (This was more mine!) 

We're also going to use this holidays to help. Life isn't just about spending all your time trying to cheat the system and do well in exams; that's something we're very clear in wanting JED to learn. JED need to learn that there is a bigger world outside of school and homework and that there are people out there with bigger problems than not having enough time to play. So, we're going to be spending some time this holiday trying to help out at Willing Hearts. The twins are becoming aware of how there are people out there with more needs than they have and are empathetic enough to want to help so there's no better time to start. 

5. Swim

They want to swim and they want to play in the sun. Sunstroke and sunburn notwithstanding, they can spend all the time they want in the pool and different pools at that. They have a list and they want to slowly make their list down that. Who cares if their skin shrivels and their hair is wrecked by the chlorine? I do but when I was 9, my hair was green from chlorine so why deprive them of that? 

6. Crocodile Hunting.

Muffin has an obsession for big creatures. Dinosaurs, big cats, reptiles. He keeps asking if they exist in Singapore. Some, like dinosaurs don't but others do. He wants to watch Jurassic Park/ World, look for big cats and big reptiles. Thankfully, we have Sungei Buloh and Bukit Timah Nature Reserve and there's a possibility of finding some of those creatures there. JED recall snakes at Bukit Timah and we recall otters at Sungei Buloh. We just need to be outfitted in military strength insect repellant. 

7. Celebrate their birthday

I'm turning 40 this year and I hate the thought of it. But for the twins, birthdays are exciting and fun. It's not an elaborate party but there's open space for the kids to run around screaming. Since they've become old enough to be involved in it, it's more fun for them and less work for me. They want decorations? They organise playdates with their friends and create the decorations. This birthday, we need to create a Platform 9 3/4 wall since it's a Potter Party and some broomstick goodie bags. 

8. Night Walks

One of their all time favourite activities is to go on night walks, with friends and or neighbours. They love carrying torch lights, shining it at random things and scream "SUSPICIOUS!". They love scaring each other and talking loudly enough to wake the dead. We've done Botanics and places nearby our place. With more time during the holidays, maybe we'll venture further from home and perhaps be able to see chickens roosting in trees.

9.  TV

The rule in our house is no TV on the weekdays. It's religiously adhered to even during the holidays. The only way the rule is broken is when what they watch is in Chinese. We kill two birds with one stone. They get their TV hit and they get some Chinese input. Everyone is happy and sometimes, it's just the breather we all need from the noise, the mess and the fighting. 

10. Being with each other

While we do spend a great amount of time with JED, during term time, much of that time is spent with us in the driver's seat sending them around or as the teacher, helping them with their work. During the holidays, they want us to play with them and we want to as well. Basketball, frisbee, going to breakfast and going to the movies. They also want to be with each other, play uninterrupted without having to be hauled away to do work. They have plans to build Minecraft and Lego worlds. We want to gladly indulge them. 

So there, our very simple plans for the holidays. Minimal structured activities (except for the writing workshop) and hopefully enough down time for everyone to re-group, refuel and recharge. 

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The last time the oven bell dinged.

- This is actually a post from 5 years, 11 months and 1 day ago-
This is how old Muffin is today and it's part of the reason why I have my baby craving. But just re-looking this post also made me feel exhausted just thinking about it so I'll settle for being nostalgic rather that do anything about it.

So anyway, here's my account of what happened exactly 5 years and 11 months ago. 

------
For everyone who was checking in to see if Muffin finally decided to show up, the wait ended yesterday. At 39 weeks 6 days at 1426 hrs.

So, how did we finally evict him? Well, he actually evicted himself. Perhaps because he knew the weekend was coming up. Perhaps he finally got clued in to the fact that his watery home was getting a bit too snug for him. Whatever it is, he chose yesterday to make an appearance.

And we only realised it by chance.

Early Friday morning, I woke up to pee. Naturally, since Muffin was exerting a great amount of pressure on my bladder. When I climbed back into bed, I suddenly realised that the usually active Muffin was not moving at all. 30 minutes of prodding and shaking my belly didn't seem to do anything to rouse him, causing me to imagine his umbilical cord strangling him and other horrors that I'd heard about. Massively panicking, I shook Packrat awake so that he could join me in the panicking.

He being a guy, jumped into action, ordered me out of bed to change and get to the hospital. It was the only way to know for sure. By then, I'd already felt some twitches from Muffin but I'd awakened a sleeping dragon in Packrat who insisted he wasn't going to rest easy till we put on the trace and ascertained Muffin's well-being.

Muffin, being Muffin was fine. Thank God! But incidentally, the trace picked up the fact that I was having regular contractions every 10 minutes. Although the midwife and doctor (whom I felt extremely bad for, having been rudely awaken at 3 am to consult on my case) told us we could go home, Packrat asked the midwife to check if I were dilated. This was a bit of an issue with us because without dilation, Muffin was not going to be able to get out of me naturally. And up to that point, that had be not even a micro-milli-bit of dilation. Lo and behold, there was some dilation! Finally.

To us, that was a good thing and it was met with great relief as well as trepidation. It did mean that while the wait would finally be over, there really would be another child in the house to add to the frenzy of our household.

Despite being then counselled to stay on at the hospital, we decided to go home. For various reasons. One, we'd left suddenly in the middle of the night and our children would probably be distraught to wake up to find us NOT in our beds. Two, I'd heard from other mums that the worst place to labour was the hospital as it tended to either halt or retard labour.

In the ensuing hours, for the first time, the contractions got stronger and more intense rather than disappearing as they had tended to do in the past weeks. And because I was home, I basically had to distract myself from the mounting discomfort.

By the time Packrat came back to get me, it was painful enough for me to stop what I was doing. Thankfully, they only lasted about a minute or so and that was the only reason I got through them, knowing that they would only last a minute. Packrat needed lunch and half jokingly suggested we eat at the food court we stopped at. I suspect my 'evil' look is even more intense when I am in pain and that idea was not pursued seriously.

The staff in the labour ward were expecting me apparently, because when I showed up, they were like "Yes, you're Ondine. You're the one who requested to go home and you're the one who wants to be able to walk around". True, I had requested to be able to 'walk' my labour off and since the hospital only had one room with the wireless CTG machine, I had asked them to hold the room for me. And I guess they couldn't believe that I had opted to go home even when I was told NOT TO.

My hospital, unlike some others in Singapore is still a little bit conservative in its approach to delivery so there are no water tubs and birth stools. And I guess to them, I was somewhat of a maverick because I had requested to walk and more incredulous stares followed when I told them I didn't want an epidural and rejected all offers of gas. All I used was my sock of rice that we constantly asked the nurses to nuke in the microwave.

With my sock of rice, I walked, swayed and banged table tops my way through the contractions that were getting more intense as I dilated at warp speed. From the point of entry into hospital where I was dilated at 4 cm, it went to 6 cm in half an hour. By that point, I just wanted to lie down and rattle the rails of the bed as the contractions sent spasmodic pain down my back into my bum. My very cool Ob-gyn waltzed in and congratulated me for finally going into labour. He asked if I want him to break my water bag and I told him to give it a little bit more time since we weren't not in a hurry and Muffin seemed to be nonchalant about the fact that my every bit of my body was finally all working in cahoots to expel him from his watery hotel.

After he left, I decided for the last time to get up and try and walk around, somewhat still trying to justify to the nurses why I wanted the wireless CTG monitors on me. But when I did, I felt that I had actually sat on a huge water balloon that went "SQUISH" under me. Yes, the water bag that I'd told the doctor not to burst, burst quite dramatically on its own accord. Right onto my Mashi-Maru bedroom sleepers.

I'd read somewhere that bursting the waterbag was a "committment to labour" because it really would be the point of no return and it truly was. I shrieked in pain when the next contraction came. The water bag must have cushioned much of the intensity of it and since the bag had burst, I no longer had that buffer. At the same time, that elusive urge to 'bear down' was upon me and Packrat wasn't sure if I was conscious of the fact that I kept telling him that I needed to poop. Apparently, the sensations are identical.

The midwife chose that moment to plunge her fingers into me causing me to want to kick her in the face. Thankfully, the result also heralded the fact that it would be last time anyone unceremoniously did that to me. 10 cm and we were good to go. There was only one problem. The time that had lapsed between my Ob-gyn leaving and my severe need to take the biggest dump of my life was probably just enough time for him to have arrived at his clinic and start seeing patients again.

So despite the midwife telling me to push when I felt like it, I was screeching for the doctor and going mad with the idea that I had to bear with this pain because the doctor wasn't back yet. And it didn't occur to me to cross my legs either. When he finally returned, I was partially distracted by the fact that I was watching my doctor change out of his work shoes into the most unglamourous of yellow boots.

But that was where the real fun began.

He, in the calmest of voices, told me to push when I was ready. By that point, I was alternating between sobbing from the intensity of the discomfort and swearing like a banshee. Until I heard him very firmly tell me I was wasting my breath and should channel it toward pushing the baby out. He also warned me that I was going to feel some stinging because he remembered that not only was I anti-pain relief, I was anti-episiotomy and the only way around it was to administer a perineal massage to muscle that was already going to be stretched beyond belief.

My thoughts at that point I think bordered on "I don't care what is going on, I just want this extremely weird, burning sensation to STOP!" I'd clarify at this point that while it was painful in a way that being sliced is painful, there was the very real sensation of something very big and possibly alien like bursting forth from my very core. And despite that fact that I've run for so much of my life and pride myself in being physiologically aware of my body and its muscles, I really had no idea what I was doing or what muscles I needed to engage.

But since millions of women have go through it before me and have survived, I figured I would too. 3 pushes and his head was out. And these 3 pushes came almost one on top of another. Because of that, despite the fact that I wanted to be free from an episiotomy, the doctor had no choice but to do it. He said that Muffin was coming too fast for him to stretch the muscles out in time. Anyway, another half push and the shoulders were released and then another half push for the rest of him to come tumbling out.

The minute they put my steaming hot Muffin on me, I declared very loudly that I wasn't ever going to do this again. I think that broke the tension in the room quite a bit.

So that's how Muffin was born. Between my water bag bursting and him tumbling right out of me was the longest ten minutes of my life but in the grand scale of things, it was a mighty short labour and delivery.

Incidentally, Muffin's name is Dylan Josiah Tan.

And here are some souvenir shots from the birth that are totally inane.

My trusty heat sock.
    

 

The victim of my water bag bursting unexpectedly! My Mashi-Maru slippers. If you look very carefully, the right one, has a stain above the ear that Packrat, try as he may, could not get rid off.
















Presenting Baby Dylan, 30 minutes after delivery after his first feed.

















His very proud Big Sister who fawns over him like a doll. His Big brother however, is a bit worried about his position being usurped and is clinging on to Mommy for dear life.
















For all those totally freaked out by this post and are contemplating adoption and a hysterectomy, it really isn't as bad as I've made it out to be. It can't be all that bad since I really didn't have any drugs to do it. Maybe taking out the wisdom teeth are worse, since you can't do that without anaesthetic. So there, a means of comparison!

We followed up this blow by blow account with a spiritual perspective of the birth. So for those who want to read on, here it is.

This post is part of the ‘Birth Stories’ Blog Train hosted by Owls Well


If you would like to travel to the previous stops on this Blog Train and read more interesting birth stories, you can start with this one here with Prayerfull Mum, Danessa.

Danessa is a Stay-at-Home Mum to one precious princess. Read on to find out this mother's experience of giving birth that took place 5 years ago. Sometimes we got to be careful what we pray for ...

To read other exciting birth stories please click on the picture below.

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Flying solo

I have a baby craving.

Some of my friends have recently had babies. And I miss babies. Plus my youngest baby is almost 6 and not so much of a baby anymore.

I was lamenting my plight to Packrat, a key player in any sort of baby making endeavour and he wryly commented that if that were the case, I would be having babies all the way into my 70s. And I was telling him this over a hot lunch where no kids were needing our attention because we were far away in another country without them. He did not fail to point that out to me either.

But that's just the part of me that misses the baby-smell talking. The part that feels sleep-deprived, exhausted and broke all the time makes it very clear it's a bad idea. Also, the fact that I have recently started to sprout whites on my head, possibly to do with both stress and age tell me that it's not a good idea.

But the most compelling reason to ignore the baby craving is actually the reason why I have the craving in the first place.

JED are all growed up now.

A case in point.

Packrat had to fly solo with them to Phuket. I was flying out on a later flight so he took them on his own. JED were warned to listen and to always stay close to Papa because the airport was crowded.

Evan took Muffin's hand and held it tight. He said to Muffin warningly, "You must always hold my hand. If you lose me and lose Papa, the plane will fly off without you." Muffin obediently followed.

Travelling in December is always a circus because half of Singapore leaves its shore. So Packrat had to distribute to each child their passport and give them instructions on how to go through Immigration by themselves, telling them to point to him if asked who they were travelling with. Each child sailed through, smiling at the Immigration Officer, answering their questions and being rewarded with sweets.

On top of that, flying budget and choosing not to pay the extra $5 per passenger to choose seats meant seats were allocated. They were allocated 3 seats in a row and a lone window seat two rows down. Packrat had no choice but to seat JED altogether and squish himself into the window seat. Because he was stuck, JED had to fend for themselves; entertaining themselves, going to toilet and battling the the, in their opinion, scary toilet flush. When Packrat was reunited with them upon landing, he found them each munching a bar of Kit Kat which the stewardess had given them because they had been so good through the flight.

By the time I got into Phuket, Packrat was a proud Papa with tales of how his afternoon hadn't been all that stressful because JED had been so cooperative and on the ball with stuff.

I saw it for myself the next morning when I was met with made up beds, clothes neatly folded onto shelves and all washed up and ready to go for breakfast. It wasn't perfect but it was decent enough. When we were preparing to go back, I told JED to pack everything on their shelf (where I had allocated space for each of them) into their bags. For the most part, their clothes went into the bags higgity-piggity but all was in and all were proud that they had packed their own luggage all by themselves.

It's great to be at the point where they can do most things on their own and look after themselves. And much as I would love to smell the top of a baby's head whenever I want to and be able to have a baby around, I think the fact that I'm getting more sleep every night and slowly gaining some aspect of me-space/ time back are very strong reasons to get a grip on this baby craving.

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Birds and the Bees Part 1

T'was inevitable that at some point, the twins were going to ask how babies were made.

This happened last night. In bed, just before they went to sleep. It started with Jordan lamenting that she didn't want to get pregnant or give birth because it was painful. And my telling her that it was okay to feel that now and she might change her mind later.

It's amazing that even at 8, they could fathom that accidents do happen because her anxious reply was concern about what would happen if they forgot they didn't want a baby and accidentally kissed and as a result, she got pregnant.

She missed a couple of steps there.

That's when I decided it was time that I took them through some basics. In that split second, I decided that I had to be as truthful and as informative as possible.

1. So I used the right terms. There was no couching of genitalia in more cutesy terms that we do on occasion use (though I try to be evasive here).

2. I laid down the ground rules.
a. Girls and boys have anatomy that work together to create a baby. But that doesn't happen till after marriage. Underline, underline, super bold, with exclamation marks.
b. Since the boy parts are more obvious, the definite curiosity must be tempered with the fact that asking a girl where her specific parts are could lead to very dire consequences; ranging from getting slapped to getting arrested for indecent propositioning.

3. I would explain the processes and the parts involved and talk about how to keep safe. (While I do firmly in abstinence, I want to be sure that if they chose any other path, parental wrath and chastity belts notwithstanding, they needed to be safe)

4. I would also explain where we stood as a Christian family.

I didn't quite manage to cover every bit of it. We never made it to the actual process of how a baby was made. What I had not counted on was so much laughter that it was hard to go on. There were obviously questions and here's the 8 year old's toilet humour laced FAQ.

Q. So I pee out sperm???
A: No you don't. You use the same equipment but different things can come out of it.

Q. What happens if pee came out into the woman instead of sperm?
A. You would have a partner who would be extremely pissed off with you (pun totally intended, which they actually got and sent them into greater gales of laughter) and might never ever want to let you go near her again.

Preamble:  I had explained that it was also something that ought to happen between 2 people who loved one another.
Q: What happens if you want to make love but not want a baby?
A: Then there are things that you can use, like a condom. (They had seen a condom before in a coke-Mentos experiment).
Observation: So you use something like a plastic bag to make sure the sperm doesn't swim out?
A: Uhm, yes.
Observation: Then you just throw away the plastic bag? Do you have to tie a rubber band around it so it won't spill into the bin?
A: Well, it's not exactly a plastic bag but it works the same way and yes, you'll have to tie it up to throw it away. That's only polite.

Q: It's like poking right? So won't it hurt?
A: It would hurt if it isn't done properly.

By which time, they were both convinced that copulating was going to be painful, troublesome and required the use of plastic bags.

I did make them both swear not to talk about this in school because knowing them, something would get lost in translation and calls from exasperated teachers or annoyed parents would be likely to follow.

There will probably have to be a part 2 because we never got to the actual bit of how the baby is made. Time to take out the book that I have called "How babies are made.".

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Grandpa's 70th: Song and Dance

The minute we found out that there was to be a dinner to celebrate Grandpa's 70th, we knew that JED would be expected to be on stage. Jordan and Evan pulled it off spectacularly at their Grandma's 60th 4 years ago but they were just past 3 and were much less self- conscious than they are now. On top of that, they are three of them now to coordinate. 

Of course, being still in the midst of the Frozen frenzy, Jordan insisted on singing "Let it Go" to Grandpa. But her brothers refused to budge on that one and we didn't think that it was all that appropriate for a birthday offering. Eventually we chose to have them sing a Chinese hymn that they all had learnt in kindy; 我要向高山举目 (I lift my eyes to the hills). It was a song they knew well and they knew the actions to and was meaningful. And because Grandpa is special, to do something that required more effort rather than something that came easily to them. 

It required hours of practice and us feeling like rehearsal task masters with them. We had to make sure that the actions were expansive enough to be seen from the back, that they would sing in sync with each other as well as harmonise the bits where the boys sing a different bit from Jordan. Muffin, the youngest and the one that didn't quite realise why the presentation was important, had to be sometimes cajoled and occasionally coerced into action.

But eventually, they all rose wonderfully to the occasion, singing loudly with expansive actions, mostly in sync with each other and with diction that belied their true Chinese ability. Jordan and Evan even did an introduction and pretty much fooled all the guests into believing that Chinese was a language they were confidently proficient in.

It really was a true testament of how much JED loved their Grandpa. The usually shy and self-conscious Evan put aside all the butterflies in his tummy and asked for as long a speaking part as we gave Jordan. He confided in me later that he was terrified but he didn't back out because it was for "Ah Gong".

At the end of the night, JED's biggest complaint was that they didn't have enough mike time (especially Muffin) but the important thing was Grandpa thought everything awesome and had a grin wide enough to split his face.

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Grandpa's 70th: The Gift

Grandpa turned 70 on Boxing Day and it was going to be a big do. The celebrations began at the beginning of December when we all went off on the cruise. It was Grandpa's way of celebrating his birthday with the family; all of us on the ship with him.

In between coming back from that and Christmas, we decided that we needed to get a present done for Grandpa. Something large enough to be presented to him at dinner. When Sher-maine blogged about the gift she gave to her kids' pre-school, we decided that would be perfect for a 70 year old who pretty much has everything.

We spent the entire Saturday morning at the Mosaic Workshop and some of the afternoon doing it. The first thing was to decide what we wanted on the mosaic.  That wasn't difficult. It would be the cruise we were just on and we would have the word "US" emblazoned onto the hull and stones representing Grandpa, Grandma and JED (though if you count carefully, there are more stones than there are people!). Jordan, our resident artist sketched out the ship on the ocean from a photograph we had. Packrat transferred it onto a 2 ft x 1 ft plank and the rest of us descended on it.

It took a lot of patience and it was very repetitive, placing one tile after another. It was pretty much, slather the glue and place the tiles, rinse and repeat a couple of thousand times. Thankfully, it moved quite quickly and even Muffin did a significant bit of it. They all lay claim to different parts of the mosaic. Muffin did all the cabins. Evan did all the sun, some of the cloud and sky. Jordan did the ocean and the different shades of it. Packrat and I just filled it where ever we needed to. 

 The owner, Nanette and her assistant Nerissa chipped in to help as well. Nanette made some suggestions, like leaving a blank space on the hull of the ship so that we could actually stick a photograph of us onto it. About 5 hours, with lunch in between, later, it was pretty much done though there was grouting and wiping to be done.

Nanette very helpfully tiled the edges and touched it up for us while we dragged 3 very exhausted and cranky children home. It wasn't the physical exhaustion but the mental exhaustion that came from focusing and tiling that killed them. Packrat and I actually found it very therapeutic though after hours of staring at it, when we closed our eyes, we were still seeing in mosaic. 

We loved the gradated ocean floor, the rainbow coloured "US" and the sun. I think if I did it again, the only thing I would change is to grout it in a darker colour but even as is, it was pretty awesome. 

Unfortunately, we don't actually have any pictures of JED presenting it to Grandpa. Everyone was focussed on making sure the hefty piece didn't drop on anyone's toes. 

But it did look plenty gorgeous and Grandpa's already figured out where to hang it in the house.

We were totally in love with the place and what I would give to actually have a work table totally tiled in mosaic. Now I'm itching to go back and do one in hydrangeas or irises for my mom but to be able to find a pocket of time to do that is another story.

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Cruising; JED's preferred means of vacation

The one thing about taking 3 kids on vacation is the exhaustion that comes from it. It's 24-7 of their shenanigans and often the only way to survive it is to only keep the rules that matter (do not climb the railings of a 16 storey ship) and chuck out the rest (hash brown and french fries at every meal).

But what eventually makes it worth while is how happy and thrilled they are by the experience and how much fun they had.

And if we left it up to JED, every single vacation would be on an ocean liner.

We just got back from a 5 day cruise. We've been back 4 days and they haven't stopped talking about it. Even before they got off the ship, they were talking about going on another one (to which, we asked the perennial rhetorical question of "DO YOU THINK WE PRINT MONEY?").

To the uninitiated, a cruise vacation is for the retired folk and there really isn't much to do on board. And to a certain extent, it is true. JED had their grandparents, 4 grand aunts, 3 grand uncles on the ship with them together with their cousins.

But their unadulterated glee came from the fact that there was always something to do at close proximity. It really was a matter of either choosing to do nothing (sit by the pool) or do everything (ice skate, rock climb and play golf) all in a day.

 

 

Food was never a problem. And the cruise liner we were on, did this magical thing where they made french fries taste even yummier. So, french fries and hash browns at every meal, spaghetti from willing waiters at every beck and call and ice cream and hot dogs on tap at the pool deck.



Obviously, their favourite activity was to hit the pools. Packrat would find a spot in the hot tub and camp out there to keep an eye on them (an attack of hives kept me out of the pool) and the kids would alternate between the hot tub and the freezing salt water pools till they shrivelled up like prunes or got hungry which ever happened first. They never tired of it. They swam after breakfast, after lunch, after dinner and would have gone first thing in the morning had we allowed them to.





Mayhaps it was just a JED thing but at every port of call, there were always loud protests about getting off the ship. Muffin physically panicked as we were on a tender leaving the ship for Phuket. He thought we were leaving the ship with his precious toys still on board. And even though they had fun filling their pockets with beach-fuls of sand, they could never wait to get back aboard the ship. By then, we were usually so tired of their belly-aching that we were also thankful to be back aboard the ship.

Reluctantly enjoying being on land in Penang

The lack of swim gear did not stop him from hitting the Phuket beaches and bringing aboard pocketfuls of sand. 

But it wasn't just JED who were reluctant to get off the ship when the ship docked back in Singapore. We were too. Perhaps it was the service; being well taken care of and the kids always happy with their meals. It might also have been the formal setting at dinner that made us feel that at least there were some moments that we could dress up and be adults rather than just parents; or the fact that the ship never sleeps and JED were always so knackered at the end of the day that we had time to take walks on the deck, go to supper or hold hands and explore the ship. 

Whatever it was, we are all a little bit wistful to be back on land and Evan has been hard at work campaigning that our next vacation be on an even larger ocean liner. 

But meanwhile, there's much de-toxing to be done and Christmas to look forward to. 

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