Comfort

As JED grow older, they tend to be more disagreeable with one another. It is inevitable. All 3 have strong personalities and are not pushovers. Each want their way and is angered when their way is not the preferred way of the other two.

But on occasion, we see that there really is a connection between them and they really do have a soft spot for each other, under the often prickly exterior. Rather 'durian' relationship they have.

These are moments that fuel me and give me hope especially when they are so angry they stomp on each other and break each other's things.



Muffin

It was Muffin's birthday and we had a swim date gathering for him and his friends. On the day of the swim date, he came up to me to ask if I could invite his sister's friends so that she had people to play with instead of a pool full of boys.

Jordan was upset with being reminded of a memory of great-grandpa passing away and was sobbing in the back seat of the car. I couldn't get to her so I despatched her two brothers to sit and hold her while she sobbed.

Evan

Evan is the least physically affectionate. He likes when I hug him but not his siblings. He is great with words of comfort though he's logical at his most comforting. He's also calm and doesn't freak out. He will however, be a nightmare for future weeping girlfriends/ wife because he will offer logic and solutions as comfort and we all know how well that always goes down. But his logic helps Jordan see that it's not a spiraling abyss of despair and hopelessness. I'm not sure if he offers any comfort to Muffin because his tone with Muffin is often one of "I told you so". It toughens Muffin up though; he gets no sympathy from his brother and therefore knows it's not a big deal and he should stop with the whining.



Jordan

The most empathetic of the three, she acutely feels everyone else's dismay. Most evident was when Evan was leaving for camp and was anxious and worried about it. He couldn't be soothed by her stories of assurance so eventually she just threw her arms around him and held him tight. I think he appreciated that. 

They also tell stories to each other at night before they go to bed. After the initial excitement of having their own rooms, they have now reverted to camping out in one room with one sibling squished on a mattress on the floor. And that offers them comfort- for the child who is fearful of some movie he watched. The one who comes home late and knows that even if she is falling asleep by herself, she can do that to the sound of her brothers' breathing.  For the other whose mind is often racing just as he falls asleep, the inane discussions the other two have help slow his mind down enough for him to drift off.

All is good in the house when we see this happen and we shore up these moments because in the next minute, these loving siblings will be transformed into Gremlins out to get one another. 

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A love story

This is a story about a duck and an elephant.

Duck Duck and Amelia (Ellie for short) were given to twin babies 10 Christmases ago. Duck Duck went to the boy and Ellie to the girl. Both of them loved the twins immediately and adopted them as pets. Duck Duck and Ellie were inseparable from their pets.

They went on the same dream adventures, possibly because they slept with their pets every single night and when their pets got older, they went on real adventures together.

The rule though was that if they were to sleep together with their pets, every week, they had a bath so that they would always be fresh and clean.

Duck Duck and Ellie were a source of comfort for their pets and they would always be sought out when their pets were upset or ill. Their pets would also include them in the games and Duck Duck and Ellie were happy. Duck Duck was always amused when they played Duck Duck Goose and would look suspiciously around to see if a Goose actually showed up.

As their pets got older, they included Duck Duck and Ellie in a lot more things. Both became very well-read as their pets read to them. Duck Duck's favourite books included Super Diaper Baby and the Tree House Series and Ellie was warned not to be like her name sake naughty Amelia Jane. Occasionally, they stowed away to school though that happened more with Ellie than Duck Duck.

And when their pets went on vacation, Duck Duck and Ellie got to go as well. Both of them have their own passports and thankfully, when they travelled to the United States with their pets, there wasn't any of the current nonsense about visas and aliens from other countries. Their pets would have been very distressed if they were told that Duck Duck and Ellie could not enter the country with them.

 

 

Now, the problem was that Duck Duck and Ellie were growing old and they were beginning to look their age. Their frequent baths had made their skins a lot thinner. Ellie had even gone to Build-A-Bear one day to get stuffed because she was rapidly losing weight. It had been gently suggested that Duck Duck and Ellie take residence by the side of the bed and start to take things a little bit slower; perhaps not travel as much and to cut back on rigorous activities which included bathing.

But their pets who loved them dearly were heartbroken to even think about Duck Duck and Ellie in that way. "We don't want anyone else!" they cried, sobbing their hearts out. "No one can ever replace them!" they wailed.

Both Duck Duck and Ellie have promised their pets that they'll still be around and will still love them but perhaps, as their pets grow older themselves, to perhaps just hang out at home and lead quieter lives. Their pets would have nothing to do with that though they have been noticeably a lot gentler and a lot more loving with the two seniors in their lives.

For never has there been a story of more love than this of Duck Duck, Ellie and their twin pets.

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The Tooth Fairy

Muffin is growing up fast. He's shot up so quickly in the last few months that he's become gangly and clumsy. He's also started losing his milk teeth.

The first tooth he lost was at the gym. He left it on the bench but he couldn't find it after.

Tonight, he dropped his second tooth. We have been telling him, the last few days, to not swallow his tooth so that we could stick it under his pillow like the Jordan and Evan did.

Unfortunately, it was not to be. The tooth found the most inopportune time to fall out; as Muffin was rinsing his mouth after brushing his teeth. So it swirled in the sink and went down the drain pipe before anyone could react.

Evan tried. He tried to cover the hole in the sink. But the tooth slipped right through his fingers.

Muffin howled. It wasn't one tooth he was mourning. It was two. And he cried so pitifully, his usually combative brother came running to get us.

No amount of carrying and consoling soothed his distress.

Right till Evan offered him one of his own milk teeth (that he knows I keep in a container), to lay under his pillow so that the tooth-fairy would come.

Even with that, it took him another 10 to 15 minutes of sobbing, gulping and hiccoughing before he picked a tooth, laid it in the box and slipped it under his pillow. And then he cried himself to sleep.

But at least there was recourse.

Evan, the brother who fights so bitterly with him sometimes, rose to the occasion, put aside his own grumpiness and showed kindness and compassion. He did ask me to return him his tooth once we were done with it. To which, I gladly acceded. After all, the tooth was his.

So not only did we leave a note and 2 $1 coins for Muffin, we told him in the note that his big brother helped to make it happen and that he had a wonderful big brother. So we were leaving an extra $1 that he was to give to his big brother for helping him feel better. 

Sometimes, we don't give Evan enough credit. He's the oft-misunderstood, bullied, overshadowed middle brother. But he always, always rises to the occasion when it matters the most.

Like tonight, where he saved the day and was the tooth fairy through and through.

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Ducks of a feather

Evan has a thing for ducks.

It all started when we bought him a duck when he was a baby. A duck blankie.

It was what soothed him to sleep, thumb in his mouth, twiddling a corner.

We used to do this thing where we would throw the blankie over his head and like Pavlov's dog, he would grab it, tumble over and stick his thumb into his mouth. It didn't matter if it was hard ground that he was going to tumble into. His ducks have seen many adventures; travelling the world with him and being thrown out the window by Muffin!

He's 9 now. He's stopped sucking his thumb but he still loves his Duck Duck. And his duck duck collection has spawned. There's the original Duck Duck but there is also Papa Duck Duck and a whole host of siblings whom he loves as well, though not so much as original threadbare Duck Duck.

But this love for ducks doesn't end with his soft blankies. Because he loves his Duck Duck family, he has a soft spot for all ducks. His face goes all gentle and full of love when he plays with them or talks to them. He loves ducks in a pond and he loves seeing them waddle around. But more than that, it has become a social cause for him. 

He will not eat roast duck. He loved the Peranakan Salted Veg and Duck soup till he realised one of the key ingredients in the soup was duck. Similarly, the boy who loves roast meat would not eat duck rice and even went as far as glare at Jordan for wanting to eat roast duck rice. 

When I told him about foie gras, the outrage radiated from him and the look of disgust was epic. "Why would anyone be so cruel?" he asked. The poor ducks or geese. To him, they are literally birds of a feather. 

It might be something he doesn't grow out of. It might become one of those quirky things that he can tell people about himself. "I don't eat duck because I had these furry duck blankies when I was a kid."

And since I don't eat shark's fin because I can't bear the thought of drowning, suffocating sharks, I'm going to be on his side for this one, despite the fact that his sister waxes lyrical about how yummy the duck tastes. 

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Siblings

JED fight like cats some days. They really do. Sometimes it gets violent enough that toys get viciously stomped on and stuff gets thrown at each other. Inevitably, I get an angry and indignant phone call that makes me want to block our home number. Sometimes we think they need to be either separated, into different houses (put up for adoption!) or put together in a get-along t-shirt (A huge t-shirt they all have to wear at the same time).

At their most unreasonable, they are mean and sometimes even cruel to each other.

But thankfully, there are also times that I know they love each other, will look out for each other and all is good in the world.

There are times when there isn't enough of me to go around. Muffin wants to be read to. Evan wants me to play cards with him. Jordan wants to make stories or one of the twins has last minute stuff that I need to help them with and Muffin is going on and on about wanting to play/ read to etc.

So on occasion, I deputise the free-er twin to help. Both Evan and Jordan love reading to Muffin. They read in different ways. Jordan's more expressive and the true storyteller. Evan reads it deadpan, which is funny in its own right, but knows how to run a parallel discussion about the book that interests Muffin.

And then there is this. 

The twins are at the age where affection from someone other than their parents is 'gross'. Muffin is very affectionate and tries to hug and kiss them especially when we send them to school and the twins get all sputter-y and grossed out by his affections. I suspect the more they try to thwart him, the harder he tries, just to annoy them but to get them to 'love' him. 

But one morning recently, both Muffin and Jordan crawled into my bed and kicked me out. Jordan threw open her arms and said "Come Muffin, let me sayang you!" and Muffin leapt at the opportunity and they spent a good 5 minutes smothering each other in too-tight hugs and kisses all over each others' faces. 

Recently, Evan had a terrible nightmare that involved a plane crashing. He was crying in his sleep, just before it was time to wake for school. It was too real to him and it took him a long time to understand that it didn't happen and no one died. Jordan was worried, ready to bang down our doors to get us. She even tried to console him though he pushed her away.

Eventually, at wits end, she wrote him a note and left it at his seat on the breakfast table.

I don't know if it made him feel better but it was very good of her to keep trying, to let him know that she was thinking of him.

This and the fact that when each child is given extra money for an excursion for school, they choose to buy something for their sibling. Occasionally, they come home with treats for each other from the school canteen.

Hopefully, as they get older, there will be more days like this and fewer cat fight, fur and fluff flying days.

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Who is your favourite child?

I've been expecting this question for the last 7 years (for the years that my kids have become verbal). And it came from the child that I had expected it from. Our so called middle child.

The question: Who do you love most? Who is your favourite child?

Even though I had fully expected the question, I felt sad that he asked it. It told me that he was sometimes uncertain about how much I loved him or worried that I loved his siblings more than I loved him.

I told him that I had no favourite children because I loved each of them in a way that was special to each. I listed all my favourite things about him.

1. He is a very kind person.
2. He is a very empathetic person.
3. He is a very generous person.
4. He loves animals.
5. He is sincere.
6. He is brave.

I elaborated, giving him instances when I saw him behave in those ways and he was a little bit comforted.

But I had to ask whether he felt that I might love him less or why he felt that he wasn't favoured.

His little voice in the dark told me that he wasn't as smart as his sister and that he hadn't won as many medals as she had.

I told him that I didn't love her because she was smart or because she won medals. I told him that I would love her the same regardless of medals or grades. And similarly, I loved him and my love wasn't dependent on anything.  I also told him that how much I loved him was separate and unrelated to his grades.

Eventually, we talked about grades and how it wasn't about being smart but about knowing that whatever he did, even if he wasn't good at it, every time he did it, it got easier. I told him that's how his sister got good results and being smart had little to do with it. I also told him that I could see that he was trying a lot more this term and I was proud of that.

It's always hard when your own child wonders how much you love him or her. I know it's normal and it's part of growing up within a family but at the same time it reminds me that JED are all different and need to realise that they are loved and most favoured in their own way.

And only Packrat and myself can do that for each of them.

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Sweetness

For the times they drive me crazy, they do funny sweet things and spring surprises on me. So, Jordan got hold of my phone and decided to make an art piece and save it on the Camera Roll without telling me.

In Evan's class, there is a bartering system going on. You trade what you have with a kid who has something you want. They bargain and they trade.

So Evan trades an flag eraser for two boxes. In my opinion, it wasn't a fair trade. But it was to him. Because he's seen the skin care products I use and he recognised that these boxes were the brand that I used.

When I came home, he presented me with them.

Putting aside all the thoughts about how I should teach him to barter more effectively, it was a 'melt' moment.

Sweetness that I had better savour while it lasts.

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A slippery slope

Once again, the kids were on the issue of pets. Just that this time, they wanted to adopt a cute little Korean girl they met at the playground. They were enthralled by her and followed her around, holding her, picking her up when she stumbled. The little one year old had a following of willing helpers twirled around her baby finger. They were smitten.

They wanted to bring her home. Because she was cute. Because she was small. Because they needed a pet. Because they needed a younger sibling. Because they needed a younger sister.

To get a pet, they know that the three obstacles in the way are our helper, Packrat and myself. And the following conversation ensued.

Jordan: What if we have a dog?
Our helper: Then Kakak will run away.

Evan: What if we have a cat?
Our helper: Then Kakak....
Mommy: And Papa will run away

Kakak: What if you have a baby? Kakak won't run away then.
Muffin: Mommy, what if we have a baby sister?
Mommy: Then, Mommy will run away!

Following that, a horrified, stunned silence from JED who suddenly understood higher stakes and what a slippery slope argument meant.

The conversation ended there.

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JED's Hero.

The twins are old enough to create their own Father's Day wishes for Packrat. All through the week, they've been leaving him secret notes everywhere. 


And here, they've picked their favourite photographs with Papa and dictated notes for me for Papa. They could type it but we're doing this surreptitiously while he is still asleep and if they did type it, by the time they were done, he would be up.

Anyway. 

Jordan. 

Thank you Papa for dancing with me like a prince and being so polite. 

 Evan.

Papa showed me his school and made me not scared to go there.

Muffin.

Papa always carries me when I am tired.

So, in the words of Dr Seuss,
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” 

That you are, Papa. That you are. Happy Father's Day.

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Mommy's Boys

I have 2 boys. And according to Packrat, both boys are Mama's boys. Every opportunity they get, they cling to Momma; albeit in different ways.

Muffin tells me, at every opportunity, that I am beautiful and he would kiss me all over my face all the time if I let him.

And Evan, he has such a sensitive soul; he loves his family of ducks (the eldest having been with him since he was 6 months old) and he leaves the light on for them at night because they might get scared.

With a very demanding Muffin, it's hard for me to spend time just with him. And when I do, he snuggles up tight while I cuddle him. He leaves me notes when I work late, to let me know that he loves me and he makes sure that I can find them.

This afternoon, we took some chalk down and doodled downstairs in the open. Unfortunately, we were told, for some reason, that we had to make sure we left no traces. We had to wash off all the chalk marks after we were done. I will rant about that another time.

Evan, bless his heart, had drawn me some flowers with a little note "For Mommy". When he found out we had to wash it off, he obediently acceded but would not show me his face while he did it. When he eventually looked up, he had tears welling in his eyes. He couldn't bring himself to wash off what he had drawn for me.

I told him that he could draw me some more when we got upstairs, on paper, so that I could keep it with me at all time. He did just that and waited till I got up to present it to me. I made a big show of putting it in my phone case, so that it would always be with me. It helped a little but he was still despondent.

Packrat claims that I would be a scary assed mother for any of his potential girlfriends to meet. It is not to say that I wouldn't be, for Muffin's potential girlfriends. But Evan so obviously wears his heart on his sleeve and any girl that dumps him would shatter it into a million pieces. This would definitely guarantee the incurring the protective Mama Bear's wrath who would come thundering out to defend her cub.

I'm pretty sure Jordan's heart breaks would hurt as much as well but Packrat can bear the brunt of those ones and buy shot guns to hunt down the poor boy. I'm sure that would make her feel better.

Everyone says it's Daddy's girls and Mommy's Boys. I guess, in such a situation it is true.

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To my Valentine

I first wrote this in my old blog (the one I kept pre-kids) in 2005, almost ten years ago. And for Valentine's Day this year, I thought I would dig it up, blow the dust off it and update it.

It was very very nice to know there wasn't much to update. So here it is, for Packrat, my best friend for the last 15 years.

---

You are the boy who spent your school fees on $10 worth of chicken wings thereupon getting a spanking from your mother.

You are the boy who grew up to play games every week with fellow boys.

You are the boy who got a Playstation 2 as an engagement present.

You are the boy who would eat like a boy if you lived alone, living on potato chips and Pepsi.

You are the boy who would like it very much if he didn't have to grow up.

But you are a boy who is also a guy.

You are that guy that she met at the pre-departure talk, who insulted her baby blue mobile phone in an attempt to get her phone number.

You are the guy that commented on how she stood like a dancer with her feet turned flat out.

You are that guy that apparently dedicated music to her over the radio and staked out the uni just hoping you would catch a glimpse of her.

You are the guy that got lucky when you bumped into her at the traffic just outside uni on the first day of school.

You are the guy that repeated her phone number all the way home just in case you forgot it and missed the chance again.

You are the guy that she out ate on your first date.

You are the guy that had to bear all the crap when she couldn't decide who she liked better, you or some other guy back home.

You are the guy that won her heart by buying her gummi bears and walking her home from ballet in the cold.

You are the guy that she impressed by eating through half a bucket of fried chicken and then sat back and asked what's for desert.

You are the guy that had to be taught what relationships were and in turn taught her how to work hard in a relationship.

You are the guy that put your thesis on the back burner while she wigged out about her own thesis through the year.

You are the guy who proposed to her on the plane back to Melbourne and made her dizzy.

You are the guy that wanted to wear Bata shoes to the wedding and refused to be put into ill-fitting Kenneth Coles.

You are the one who got up there during your wedding and sang to your bride.

You are the guy that endured the pillows hurled at you in her sleep.

You are the guy who would go out there and look for yak's milk from Yemen if she ever demanded it.

You are the guy that buys her flowers and burns her cds just to make her smile.

You are the guy who makes midnight runs for iced lemon tea and bandages when necessary.

You are the guy that believes, trusts and prays even when she has given up hope.

You are the guy of her dreams and her greatest fear is to live without you.

You are the guy who also became a dad.

But to your girl, you will always be that guy with the floppy hair and the tail of fringe that made her heart skip.

All growed up here.

Who are you? You are that guy and I am that girl.


 

 

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Capturing Concern

There's a bug going round our house. It began with Evan on Wednesday night, causing us to end up in Emergency at 3 am in the morning and him to miss his excursion to the zoo. Jordan fell on Saturday evening. Her symptoms were different but she was similarly miserable. Muffin is the last man standing and we don't have much hope but for now, he goes around being the doctor.

He worries about his sister. Why she won't play with him. He worries about his brother. The brother that fights him on everything seems to be too lethargic to fight back and gives him whatever he wants, however much Muffin pushes his buttons.

So he goes around with a stethoscope and his 'doctor' box. He listens to Jordan's chest and when she says her tummy hurts, he listens to that too. He gives Evan an injection but before he does so, he tells him "Kor Kor, don't cry. Is good for you. Make you feel better. I not putting anything in your bum bum" (The boy remembers all too well the medicine that got shoved up his bum rather unceremoniously.)

It's nice  to see him all concerned even though they fight like cats most of the time. Grandma commented that he 'could' become a doctor. Okay, if he wanted to but the hours and grunge work suck and if a patient threw up in front of him, he would join the patient, gag and throw up too. And of course, his bedside manner would need work, especially if he roared at patients. But I'm not going to push it.

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I cannot be a mom if...

Occasionally, my schedule doesn't allow me to be at home all the time and sometimes requiring me to fly out of the house just as JED come home. At times like that, I  have to live on stolen moments with them. For the most part, I see them to the point that I want to dump them, take a book, head over to Starbucks and sit there, uninterrupted for an hour. 

But when it's crunch time, it's a totally different story. And I realised that no matter how busy and how much I'm in and out of the house, there are certain things that help me feel that I'm not ignoring or neglecting JED. In my mind, I know I am not. It's just that occasionally, my heart takes a bit more convincing. And if I can do the following, I'm good to go and last a day without seeing them. 

For Jordan, I can't be a mom if I can't tie up her hair. I don't know what it is, but with her, it's her hair. I have to find time to do it. And the more intricate I can do up her hair, the happier I am. I suspect that's a remnant of those by gone Barbie playing days. 

For Evan, I can't be a mom if I can't hang out with him and help him do things he otherwise worries he cannot do. Hang on the monkey bars, wheelbarrow walk around the house or handstands against the wall.

For Muffin, I can't be a mom if I can't take him out on my own at least once a week and just see the world through his eyes. It doesn't have to be a long outing. Half an hour at the park where he tosses bread at the fish, chases the birds or picks up leaves and seeds suffice.

And I can't be a mom if I have to go without seeing their ridiculously loopy grins or hear their chuckly ticklish laughter. It has gotten to the point that if I need to go out and I haven't had enough time with them, I descend upon them to tickle them. That always does the trick and I can always leave after that with a heart that feels slightly lighter.

Hooking up with...
 

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5 truths in 10 years.

Marriage has in it less of beauty, but more of safety, than the single life; it hath not more ease, but less danger; it is more merry and more sad; it is fuller of sorrows and fuller of joys; it lies under more burdens, but is supported by all the strengths of love and charity; And those burdens are delightful.

Jeremy Taylor

That quote was on our wedding programme ten years ago. 

And with ten years of hindsight, tis true. 

5 truths.

"Marriage has in it less of beauty, but more of safety"

We are 10 years older. The truth is we have aged. From the hair that is thinning slightly to the lines on our faces and the jeans that don't fit as nice. I remember 6 months of facials and other beautifying treatments. We don't anymore. Well, he doesn't. But it is pretty much okay.

"It is more merry and more sad."

It is more merry indeed with all the laughter from JED and the years of in jokes that we share. But more sad too because the hurts can run deeper. And with familiarity, it is easy to hurt; so we try very hard to always be kind. 

"It is fuller of sorrows and  fuller of joys"

When we so desperately wanted kids and none were forthcoming, the days were indeed filled with dark sorrows. And as our marriage fought to survive that, we discovered more joy in being with one another and became best friends above all else.

"It lies under more burdens"

True that. We have never worried so much in our lives; about money, JED, our parents, our future, the world...

"But is supported by all the strengths of love and charity"

And as we stand on the brink of a decade of marriage, we do so with thanksgiving in our hearts, to everyone who taught us about marriage, love, commitment and faith. And we give thanks fully, especially to God.

 Technorati Tags: JED, marriage

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Zombie love

I generally don't like zombies. Packrat has been trying to get me to read the World War Z. I like how it is analogous to what is wrong with the world today, but I'm not a big zombie fan. No Zombie Survival Guide, Zombie Combat Manual, World War Z. I'd probably have gone to do the Zombie Run but then again, I would have run through the Zoo just to see animals sleeping and uninterested.

So when Packrat and his brother said to look at this video, I wasn't all that keen.

But I'm glad that I did. It isn't just about zombies. It's about dads. And it's about dads and their love for their children.



Will Packrat do that? I have come to realise that he would. He would lay his life down for the kids if it meant he could save them from sudden death.

I hate the apocalyptic genre; they are what my nightmares are made up of. I think if I this was one of my nightmares, I would still wake up in tears. And I would check if Packrat or any of the kids had become turned. 

If they had, it would be time to read one of the above books.

Technorati Tags: JED, fatherhood, The Zombie Apocalypse

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Prime real estate

Muffin has been down with a viral fever.

We've kept him away from the twins.

 He misses them and they've missed him.

This morning, both try to 'serve' him.

Muffin's thing now is to listen to Lion King's Circle of Life and perch himself as if on Pride Rock while savouring the music. Evan built Muffin his Pride Rock with a chair, a stool, some cardboard and a notice that said "Dylan's Pride Rock".

Not to be outdone, Jordan tries to up the ante and builds another one leading under the table where the table is a 'cave'. It's more elaborate and there is a sign that says "Simba's Pride Rock and Mufasa's Pride Rock."

 

Unfortunately, Muffin liked the location of Evan's creation better. And Evan built it first; right next to the sound box that plays "Circle of Life" on a loop. So, location wise, Muffin couldn't have done better. And Jordan took offence. Shouting matches as she tried to forcibly put him in her Pride Rock echoed in the estate.

I try not to burst a stitch laughing at the earnest offence Jordan is feeling and how Evan is gloating because Muffin likes his Pride Rock better.

It is however, irritating because I have to run interference. I feel like the UN, trying to mediate between two unreasonable countries.

 Technorati Tags: twins, The Lion King, siblings

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Looking into the future

Tonight, we tried to convince the twins to sleep on their own because we wanted to go out. After all, as we told them, it was Valentine's Day and Papa wanted to take Mommy on a date.

This led to a conversation about marriage and the twins growing up,  finding their significant others and setting up their own lives.

It was an eye opener.

Jordan.
She wants Mommy to live with her in her rainbow house.
I told her that she had to ask her husband first and there was a possibility of her husband saying no. Her response to that was that she would ask him every day until he said yes. Somehow I believe she is capable of being that doggedly whiney till the poor sod gave in just for his own sanity.

(Of course, Packrat swears that if she chooses to marry someone like her father, aka him, that would never happen)

What surprised us was how genuinely upset she got when we told her that it wouldn't be fair to her brothers if we lived with her and could we please live on our own? She suggested that I would live with her and Packrat would leave with Evan. When I pointed out that it wasn't fair because a) we would be split up b) Muffin wouldn't have anyone stay with him, she burst into tears and quickly spiralled into hiccuping hysterics at the thought of having to lead a life away from us.

On one hand, it was touching that she loved us so much she wanted us to be with her even when she got married. On the other hand, Packrat turned to me and went "This one has got to go for that lesson on Cleave" Cleave is a lesson we teach in marriage preparatory class where the individuals have to face leaving their families and setting up house and family on their own.

As I stroked her head and promised that we would stay over some nights; we told her we would babysit Valentine's Day so that she could go out with her husband, I couldn't help but recall how I went up, not to my parents but to my brother and asked him to come live with us when I moved out. And he very gently told me that if I were moving out on my own, sure. But since I was actually getting married, he couldn't do that.

It's a long ways away and Packrat also promises that she will be singing a different tune twenty years from now but it's interesting to see her 6 year old view of marriage and her relationship with us. When she eventually calmed down, she talked about family and how we should stick together and lived in a rainbow house altogether. While I am heartened that she seems family as the most important unit, I had visions of us staying in a house that resembled candy and the bickering that JED get up to then amplified with spouses, families and old cantankerous parents added to the mix!

Evan. 

Perhaps it was because he was in a good mood tonight and his sister had just dissolved into a puddle of tears, he takes on the more mature role. He tells us that he wants to live in a hotel so that he can spend time with his wife. (ahem!) He tells us that we should also live with him. When we tell him it is physically impossible to split ourselves amongst the JED, he tries to divide the 7 days into sets of 3. He can't and I help him. I tell him that each child gets two days in a week and the one day remaining would be for Packrat and myself to go on a date.  He told me that I had to help him look after Krystal (with a K) and Joshua (My 6 year-old has named his kids). In response, I asked him who he was going to marry. 

His response was that there were 5 girls, all of whom he named but whose identities I shall keep anonymous, and he wasn't going to pick the girls. He was going to get the girls to "scissors, paper, stone, 1 time. Who win, who marry me. " This was said as a matter of fact and it seemed to solve the issue of him needing to pick a partner. When Packrat told him that he didn't have 5 mummies because Papa only loved the one and only Mommy and he didn't need another 4 girls to decide, Evan seemed doubtful. Packrat, on the other hand, just scored a bigger basket of points that any floral bouquet could have, without even having to come up with a single cent. 

 

   
So, in short, I have one daughter who wants us by her side forever and a boy who wants to leave his choice of bride to chance, because he likes all 5 equally and doesn't want the hassle of choosing a mate. The littlest, was fast asleep all through this entire conversation but seeing as he chucks a fit when we don't go anywhere as a complete family unit, I suspect he would be the seconder to Jordan's "Everyone live under the same roof" idea.

I forsee that all the skills we learnt facilitating marriage prepartory classes in church are going to become very useful in the future. All the while, I have to remember that I cannot roll my eyes at my future daughters-in-law, as stipulated by Packrat. 

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