Separation Anxiety

As teachers, we don't travel as much for work. When I did travel for work, I went away for long stretches but that was pre- kids. I no longer do. Packrat still does so; for conferences, courses and student trips.

So when he had to fly off to Japan this evening, we thought nothing about bringing JED to the airport to say bye. After all, they've been home with just me for close to three weeks without Papa and they were fine.

What we hadn't counted on was that Evan was now old enough to feel the loss of Papa leaving. I recently blogged about Papa being his best friend and while I knew that he was worried about Packrat leaving, it really hadn't occurred to us that he would take the leaving so badly.

First he followed Packrat like a puppy, while Packrat gave instructions to his students. He sought out Packrat to hold his hand or just be in physical contact with him. Then when he saw Packrat's luggage get checked in and he knew it was a matter of minutes before Packrat needed to go through security, his eyes began to redden. I said in an earlier post that Packrat had a good sense of what Evan needed so he disengaged himself from his students and comes round to Evan, swooping all 26 kg into his arms. He whispered a prayer with Evan so that Evan might be reassured that he would come back.

But that act of affection and intimacy set free the flood gates that Evan had been so valiantly holding back. And he sobbed as if his heart had just been broken. No amount of consolation and holding him calmed him down. He wanted his Papa.

My eventual solution to calm him down was to take him in search of supper. That however, worked for as long as it took him to finish his sausage roll. He kept talking about how he couldn't stop thinking about Papa and who was going to help him build his Transformers and talk to him about Star Wars.

I know how difficult and awful it feels when I travel sans JED and I'm pretty sure that if any of JED pulled that on me before I had to go anywhere, I would have willingly given up my plane ticket and gone home.

Hanging onto Papa and not allowing him to work. Perhaps thinking that by doing that, Papa will not leave.

The boys sticking to Papa like glue while Jordan is happy to clown around.

Hopefully the night's sleep puts things into perspective for Evan and that he will feel better in the morning. I suspect the Saturday treat of watching television will help loads. 

Whatever it is, I join him in wishing that the week will pass fast so that Packrat will be back again.

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Dear Papa Series: We have much sass

Dear Packrat,
You are on your way back and it has been a long and exhausting 16 days. But it has also been full of ticklish moments worthy of chuckles and a record for posterity. Before you left, you told Evan that he had to be the man of the house while you were away. He's been serious about the responsibility and has even tried to pull a quick one over me. It happened mostly when he ran out of cards and he would use it as his 'get out of jail free' card.

Evan: Can we have dinner in front of the tv?
Mommy: No. You know the rules. Dinner first. Then tv if there is time.
Evan: Why?
Mommy: Because I'm the boss and I say so.
Evan: But I am the man of the house.
Mommy: Really? Who made you so?
Evan: Papa said so. And Papa is bigger than you. So since Papa is not here, I am bigger than you. 

Sass.

There wasn't much of a retort after that because I figured I would add it to the long list of things that you need to deal with when you get back.

Then there is Muffin. His sass isn't as refined as his brother's yet but it seems to be headed in the same direction. His sass usually comes from his rubber face expressions he uses to show what he really thinks. But in the recent weeks, the increase in his vocabulary has translated into verbal sass.

Mommy: What is your favourite food, Muffin?
Muffin: Rice. Chicken.
Mommy: Carrots?
Muffin: Rabbit eat Carrot. Go hop hop. Muffin, boy. Go chicken, Mmm!

Mommy: Muffin, are you a boy?
Muffin: Yes.
Mommy: What about Mommy?
Muffin: Mommy is a shark. Snap snap!

Mommy: What animal is Papa?
Muffin: Bear!
Mommy: Why?
Muffin: Bear Big. Papa Big.

 

Does Jordan have sass? Definitely. That girl has sass coming out of her ears. But for the last few days, what's stood out about her has been more the fact that she is intent on (s)mothering her brothers in a bid to 'help' me. That's commendable on her part and funny to watch to, as her brothers swat her off like she were an annoying, buzzing fly!

This concludes the Dear Papa series because you're home in a couple of hours. Methinks you should totally receive 'spousal hardship' allowance because I'm taking you bling shopping!

Technorati Tags: pre-schoolers, Things preschoolers say

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Dear Papa Series: We are Equal Opportunity Participants in Festive Occasions

Dear Packrat,
I'm sorry you missed Halloween with us. It was our first and it wasn't a big deal. And that's why it was so great. Firstly, it was done in secrecy because Mom would have flipped to know that we were celebrating this pagan, somewhat ghoulish festival. But it really wasn't about celebrating the pagan festival but about creating some sort of tradition. While Halloween isn't really a tradition from our culture, I like knowing that the these little things we do with them, they end up reminiscing about when they are older.

So, we went all out and this is how we got busy.
1. We bought a pumpkin. It did make me wish we lived in the US because the small sized one we bought was $20. I spent the entire weekend terrified that one of the kids would drop it and smash it into smithereens!


2. Uncle D came by to do the honours and it was great fun because the twins saw how it was meant to be done. What was hilarious was that when they were asked to pull out the "pumpkin brains", they alternated from being grossed out to oddly fascinated and wanting to grab out the "brains" and obsessively washing their hands. What was great was when it was done and we lowered a candle in and turned out the lights.

I would have stopped there but seeing that you weren't home and I was trying hard to find things to do with them so that they wouldn't spend their time just watching television in the evenings, I thought we could organise a little "Trick Or Treat" in the block. It doesn't really come as a big surprise to me but I am always heartened to see them thrilled even when it is a simple affair. So, even though I didn't buy them costumes, we improvised. Jordan, surprisingly refused to go as a princess. It was too hot. She went as a ballerina. And Evan went as the astronaut from his concert.

Even though it wasn't planned, because of the ruckus JED and the other neighbours' kids that I managed to rally, people were opening the doors and giving them candy. As more doors opened, the shrills got louder! It didn't matter if people were tossing bananas or candy into their bags, they were equally thrilled.

Someone remarked that it was sad that Singapore was getting so commercialised and blindingly westernised to the point that Halloween was celebrated in favour of Mid Autumn's. Well, we incorporated Mid Autumn's into our little Halloween party by rounding off the night with sparklers. So, the bags and buckets of candy they collected were gently laid on the ground and then they took off, waving their sparklers and writing their names in the air. Generally having a ball of a time.

Will we do it again next year? I hope so. It was heartwarming to see them excited and to see all the kids from the block play together. From my childhood, those were the memories I cherished most and I hope the kids will remember their childhood in the same way.

 

Even though it was past bed time, no one was tired and all insisted on playing on. Imagine what would have happened if I had allowed them to break out their stashes. But since they weren't too interested in it after collecting it, the lollies and stuff were quietly distributed to the long suffering helpers and the kids, well, ours at least, were none the wiser.


Technorati Tags: pre-schoolers, Halloween

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Dear Papa: We had silver gunk put on our face!

Dear Packrat,
This is late. Primarily because we have been trying to recover from the last week of excitement; what with the concert, its rehearsals and the beginnings of Halloween. One thing for sure that I have discovered, I don't have it to be a show mum. It started with trying to figure out how what make up we could use on super sensitive baby skin. Then, there was actually putting on the stuff on their faces. And shuttling them between rehearsals and the actual show.

When it came to make up, obviously, Jordan loved it! She sat prim and still while I dabbed, brushed, mixed and blended. Evan on the other hand, furrowed his brow, shut his eyes so tight that by the time I gave up, his eye shadow had creases in it where he had crinkled his eyes so hard that the skin had folded. Then I figured out how inadequate I was with make up because I had no eye liner pencil, mascara and eyelash crimp. When I did manage to get my hands on some mascara, I ended up smudging it all over Jordan's face. My own make up, I can do. Someone else's, obviously not. I think it has something to do with lateral direction that I cannot handle.

What I thought was 'wayang' make up, was obviously not thick enough the minute I got to their school. I had also guilelessly volunteered to help with the children's make up for dress rehearsal day and was told to make all the children's cheeks 'pinker' and their eyes 'brighter'. I wasn't alone in my ignorance as to what stage make up was because I made up children that I thought had come in bare-faced only to be tearfully told that "my mommy already put make up on my face!"

The end product however was amazing.

Silvery glittery make up on Evan went very nicely with his astronaut costume. He was every bit the intrepid inter-gallactic adventurer.  Even from the top of the stalls at the theatre, I could see where he was. And I could feel his earnest intensity as he stamped, marched and shot at imaginary aliens. What was amazing was that with rehearsal, our shy, self-conscious little one led his class on stage and was precise, confident and bold in his movements; clearly enjoying himself and reveling in the applause. 

 

Jordan, we have always known, loved the stage. She skipped on with the biggest smile on her face and was a little French sous chef who pranced, pouted her pink painted lips and looked star struck at the boys who were main chefs. I don't need to say this again, but I think we have to lock her up soon.  I was sad that her segment was short and it didn't allow her the big expressive movements that her brother did. But she was chuffed with her lacy hairband and tulle under skirt that gave her skirt the pouff she always wanted. 

As I sat through the concert, I realised how I would also be one of those moms who would tear and cry at the graduation ceremonies of my children and most definitely at their weddings! Pomp and Circumstance was played for the little Kindy 2s who would go on to greater things next year (Primary One). The combination of that and them walking out in their little graduation gowns made me think about next year when the twins would be doing just that. That thought in itself, was enough to make me want to cry.  

This was a ceremony that was meaningful without falling into the trap of celebrating achievement. I liked the idea that every child was on stage and no one was picked to represent the class as a 'valedictorian'. What six year old should be a valedictorian? And the message it sends out would be that even at that age, children have to vie to be the best because there is a big pot of gold at the end of it. 

The one thing that I thought you would like about this whole kiddy concert was that they taught the children about compassion and a social cause. To help those in need. I don't know if you remember but that there have been these discussions about Smokey Mountain. Apparently, it is a big slum dump and both adults and children mine through, without regard to safety or health just to sell scraps for a very insignificant amount of money. The theme revolved around how to best helped the children of Smokey Mountain. I liked that the school made the children aware of it and it reminded me about the instance where Evan brought the light saber you bought for him and told me to give it to the children of Smokey Mountain. 

We ought to follow up on it.

Anyway, flushed with stage high, the twins buzzed and bounced like jelly beans. It took much more effort than normal to corral them into getting into the car. And social butterflies that they were, they just had to say hi to everyone they met. 

You will have to be around for next year's. Not only to see them in the cute little graduation gowns and black dress shoes, you have to see how these little things make our little ones grow up before your eyes. 

They've made me pay $35 for the video so that Papa can watch them perform. And since they will probably watch it ad nauseum, I figure cost per use becomes quite low and that justifies the $35. 

More to come. Next is Halloween. But one post a night is as much as I can muster!

Technorati Tags: twins, stage performing, St James Church Kindergarten

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Dear Papa: We ate quinoa today, willingly!

Dear Packrat,
Today has been a long day. We had a play date with Godma Cat in the morning, followed by a speedy lunch and then make up and costume for the twins' first stage appearance. To top off all that, it was Hari Raya Haji so Kakak was off. This meant, I was on my own with JED from the point that the concert was over.

Thankfully, it doesn't panic me as much as it would have 5 years ago and in fact, I was actually looking forward to just hanging with them and unwinding after the extremely frenetic day. The only thing was that I wasn't entirely keen on cooking after we got home. Tired kids meant volatile kids which would ultimately mean crying kids. That combination basically meant that cooking at that point was out of the question. In fact, being out of whichever room they were in at that point was out of the question as well.

The 2 options were buy in, which would have meant chicken/ char siew rice or having to cook it early in the day. I picked the latter option. Of late, I have been trying to come up with easy-to-pack meals so that I could start sending packed/ bento lunches to school for the twins; especially these two weeks with dress rehearsals and excursion days. And I've been thinking of the frittatas that we had eaten in Melbourne, pre-kids. The problem was that I couldn't remember the recipe we used then. Thankfully, with Google and Allrecipes.com, I managed to cobble together a recipe that I thought might work. My only worry was whether or not JED would eat it. It would be a first for them.

And by making this, it was a first for me in many ways
1. I added quinoa to adult cooking. JED have had quinoa hidden in the porridge for the better part of the year but I have never cooked a dish that had only quinoa in it.

2. I cooked with bacon. Which sounds like an inherent contradiction with the quinoa. The bacon wasn't really necessary but I do miss the smell of it and I thought that might entice the kids to eat it.

3. I used my HappyCall pan for the very first time. If I use it often enough, I will get very muscular arms. Heavy.

The outcome?

JED loved it. Perhaps it was bacon. Perhaps they were hungry. Or perhaps, just perhaps, it was that good. It will definitely go into their boxes next week when they go out with the school.

JED call it ham pie. Fritatta is just too weird a word for them. I'm happy they ate it. It took away a lot of stress from a long exhausting day, especially to see them so happy to eat it and asking for seconds. I made enough for my dinner but I ended up only eating the crusts and bottom bits because all three demanded more.

For posterity, I shall record the recipe here, just so that I won't lose it again.

6 eggs (for those who worry about cholesterol, this isn't a recipe you  to try)
Diced up grill meat (Chicken thigh fillets, thinly sliced beef, ham, turkey, crocodile if so desired!) 
1 bowl of Shredded zuchinni (We shredded the yellow ones and there was enough for 2 different frittata occasions)
1/4 bowl of shredded carrot
1/4 bowl of chopped up broccoli
2 tablespoons of olive oil
1/3 cup quinoa grain (boiled in water separately till all the water has soaked into the quinoa. That takes about 15 minutes)

50g (3 slices) of streaky beacon (if you don't intend to eat it, the back bacon type if you do!)
Chopped up garlic and onion

Topping
Mozzarella Cheese
Cheddar Cheese
Parmesan Cheese

Instructions 
In a bowl, using a fork or whisk, beat eggs, olive oil, diced up meat and the shredded vegetables altogether.  Heat pan, add olive oil, fry the onions & garlic till fragrant, add bacon. Fry for a bit till smell of bacon wafts!
Add the egg mixture to the pan. Don't add in the cheese till the mixture is almost cooked.
Close pan. Shuffle pan every 3 mins to left, right then centre. Once the egg mixture has firmly formed, flip pan. Shuffle pan again but a minute each position. Flip pan again. Open pan, insert toothpick to check for doneness.
Sprinkle the cheese on to the top of the cooked frittata and then DO NOT FLIP the pan anymore.
Allow cheese to melt and brown before turning off the fire. 
To take egg frittata out of pan, hold down a large enough dish onto the egg. Flip it out (you probably need 2 people to do this).

Without the pan, the oven works as well too. Just heat oven to 200 degrees C and put the fritatta in. But sprinkle cheese on before putting the whole pie in!

Of course, Evan had to be weird and ask to eat it with ketchup and tartar sauce. It is his new sauce of choice. He eats everything with tartar sauce.


Technorati Tags: lone parenting, healthy eating, Child Friendly Recipes

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Dear Papa Series: A foot in the hand is worth two in the mouth

Dear Packrat,
I am writing this in bed with Muffin wrapped round my trunk rather tightly. Every time I attempt to pry his arms and legs off me, he whimpers, kicks a bit and tightens his grip on me ever so tightly. So I decided that since I haven't had enough bed time any way, I will write this while lying on your side of the bed. The little one has since you left, claimed my side of the bed. We're in for trouble when you get back.

Anyway, he misses you. The larger part of the human sandwich that forms his sleep cocoon is missing. He speaks more now and articulates very clearly first thing every morning "Where Papa?" with a correspondingly quizzical look. For most part of the day, he behaves as he usually does. But come bedtime, after his nightly shenanigans and as he begins to wind down, he grabs my hand and burrows his foot into it. If not that, while tossing and turning, he grabs hold of your favourite-stolen from SIA-blue pillow, buries his face into it and takes a long whiff, eventually settles on my flabby, water mattress like belly to fall asleep.

This has been the case every single night since you have left. I wonder how long it will keep up for. When I told my mom, she said something that had me in stitches for a good ten minutes and I still chuckle when I think about it. Here it is for posterity. And Muffin, we WILL tell this story on your wedding day.

Me: Muffin is such a koala bear. He will only sleep when I am there.
Muffin's Mama: He really is the baby of the family.
Me: Yup! And he's even taken to having me grab his foot in my hand. Only then will he fall asleep.
Muffin's Mama: Well, we all will then know why it is that he will need his wife to hold his foot before he falls asleep!

 I look forward to warning his future wife about his strange yet endearing sleep habits. That said, I'm not entirely certain how endearing it would be to hold his future, stinky foot.

You are most welcome to take over foot holding duties when you get back. But you gotta lie in the middle this time because not only do you gotta hold his foot, you gotta hold my hand as I go to sleep too!

Much is expected of you, upon your return!

 Technorati Tags: toddler, sleep patterns, dads

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Dear Papa Series: Sugar, Spice, Snips and Snails

Dear Packrat,

The weekend was most stressful. The twins wanted to stay on at Grandma's and Evan cried at every "No" uttered in his direction. I think they were missing you and weren't really used to your unusual weekend absence. Thankfully, they settled by Sunday but the squabbles and pushing each others' buttons persisted.

The various combinations existed. Jordan annoyed Evan. Evan annoyed Jordan. Muffin annoyed Evan and Evan annoyed Muffin. Surprisingly, the only combination that seemed missing was any sort of antagonism between Muffin and Jordan. As usual, Muffin was following Evan around like a hungry puppy dog. That, on its own irritated Evan. Then there was the situation where Muffin's Godzilla impersonation caused Evan's carefully planned architectural  masterpieces to be destroyed and elicited great yowls of hollering anger with thumping ensuing.

While I agree that Muffin shouldn't be allowed to get his own way all the time and occasionally deserves a thumping, Evan has to be a bit more charitable to his little brother. So, he got massively told off for having administered the thumping. The only way for him to then show that he deserved more pity than his little brother is to burst into louder and more dramatic.

In swoops Jordan who has been quiet like a mouse on the sidelines trying to decide whose side she is going to be on. This time, she decides Muffin because "My baby brother is so cute". She lets him lie on her tiny lap and strokes his hair and makes shushing noises the way I do to them. Of course, the little one knows how to play up the attention he is getting from her and sobs pitifully while Evan looks angrily on.

 It's funny that even though we send out the same message to the both of them, that they have to protect and look after each other, Evan is more ambivalent towards Muffin (whom he probably sees as competition) and Jordan tries to mother everyone; to the point of smothering them (read: Evan!)

When I was very stressed on Saturday night resulting in me letting rip at them and then burying my face into the pillow, she was the one who came to me and soothed my hair. She really does do it very well, she is the natural empathiser.

Our five year old son, however is very boy. One suspicion why Jordan prefers being on Muffin's side is that he lets her mother him, in fact, the boy laps it all up. Evan would recoil from Jordan's hugs as if she had the plague and would get agitated if Muffin tries so much as to land an apology kiss on his head. The only people who are allowed to hug him are of an older generation; us, grandparents and people generally over the age of 30.

But Evan does have his very sweet moments. Offering to kiss Muffin on his head, allowing me to cuddle Muffin to sleep even though it meant I couldn't cuddle him, encouraging Muffin to go potty and teaching him about planets and other geek exploits. Jordan and he were bickering a few days ago and I was done yelling at them so I told them to hug each other. They gave each other such a huge bear hug, they collapsed into a pile where upon Muffin descended upon them and they laughed like loons for 30 minutes after!

He's a doer, our older son. Much like you. While not big on the affection, pretty big on the action. I can only hope that he will always rise to the occasion when it comes to his siblings and that Jordan will show him a thing or two about how being gentler with Muffin and still be all tech-geek-smart.

More on their funny antics tomorrow.

Good night, where ever you are.



 Technorati Tags: gender differences, siblings

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Dear Papa series: Playing by their own rules.

Dear Papa,
I have time to write this because by sheer miracle, all 3 children went down before 2000hrs. They were exhausted. There were tantrums and tears a plenty. But they went down quick and that was when I could start decompressing in a day that started before 8 and ended just before 8 as well.

Packrat left specific instructions that I was to take the day easy. Taking JED out on a well rested morning is already challenging. Taking them out when I had slept past one after dropping Packrat off at the airport would have been ambitious. So I should take it easy.

As usual, I thought I knew better and I thought it would be good for JED to be out of the house, so we went off to visit Aunty J. We detoured though and stopped by a playground.

JED had a whale of a time and I split my sides laughing. 

Things I discovered,

1. Neighbourhood playgrounds at 10 in the morning are empty especially when the sun is out, so the 3 of them could have full reign of the playground.(Playgrounds with a connecting McD's don't count)

2. The sun is actually quite scorching at 10 in the morning. But after reproaching myself for forgetting the sun block and insect repellant, I enjoyed the fact that the kids with flushed pink and were perspiring, Vitamin D, free and in its most natural form.

3. Kids discover their own ways of playing without the need for assistance. The greatest glee comes from figuring out on their own how to play with the equipment. The dizzier it got them, the more hilarious it was.

Jordan was also too short for the swings and since she couldn't get it to work in the usual way, she lay over it and used her body as momentum. She also looked like she was going to initiate a launch and landing sequence of sorts.

 

4. Jordan screams extremely loud and is terrified of the thought of bumblebees, worse still, the sight of them!

5. Muffin is too little to be on the swing by himself and needed Mommy's lap as a booster seat.

Eventually, they let me take a series of photographs to show Papa how they improvised on the swings. The trick was to hang limp and let their body weights move the swing. Of course, after that both complained their guitar ribs were numb.

Playground time is great. Being outdoors with all that space minimses quarreling and bickering.

Did they at any point ask about Papa? Yes, at bed time. Evan was concerned that it was so late and dark and Papa was still not home and why didn't Mommy go and pick him up because he must be so scared because of the lightning storm.

Anyway, 1 day down and 15 more to go. We hope you got there okay!

Technorati Tags: pre-schoolers, lone parenting

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