Playing with Possibilities at the Playeum

I have an eight year old who is obsessed with the right answer. We didn't teach it but there's an inherent need to make sure the answer is right. So we try our best to send across the message that getting things wrong is okay and it's part of learning. Part of it is inherent, the other part of it is bred by our school system where there is always a right way, right answer and attaining that is highly rewarded. That's good for some things. But not so good for others.

In such a system, some things fall by the way side. Divergent Thinking is one of them. Divergent Thinking is the ability to see many answers to the same question. Not entirely the same thing as creativity but where new ideas and new ways of doing things come from. This idea, I learnt from Ken Robinson and is something that we struggle to make known to the twins, especially, who are already entrenched in this culture of right and wrong.

How do we do try to do that? We don't dictate how they play. When they ask what they ought to do next, we ask them to go figure it out for themselves. We find toys and opportunities for play that are open-ended.

One of the opportunities that was given to us recently was an invitation to  Playeum; The Children's Centre for Creativity at Gillman Barracks. Unlike most indoor play areas, there aren't set ways to play. The closest I've seen to this is Kaboodle Kids, a play gym entirely made out of foam blocks. But Playeum worked on a theme (The Art of Speed) rather than a particular type of play.

The entire centre was broken up into different spaces where you could do different things. The theme of speed basically meant that there were a lot of wheels associated with the play. Along side the wheels were troughs and troughs of Lego and play pieces for the children to assemble what they felt might work on the various ramps. 

And that, was the great testament to divergent play. No one knew what was the perfect way to build a contraption that would survive the steep ramp without an explosion of Lego all over the place. Every child, including mine, went back again and again, adapting their vehicles trying to figure out what worked better. Eventually Evan worked out that it was all in the wheels. The black wheels with threads offered too much traction and it didn't gain enough speed down the ramp; that meant it couldn't jump the divide between ramps and his creations often crashed and burned in what we started to fondly refer to as The Valley of Broken Dreams.

When he figured it out, he taught it to Muffin and Muffin ended up creating a zoom-worthy vehicle that ended up as a blur no matter how many shots we tried to take of it. It was interesting to note also that despite the fact that Evan told Muffin how to build his vehicle, their vehicles looked markedly different and while Muffin watched how Evan built his, he went off to create his own.

 

We were late to family lunch because we stayed longer that we'd expected to at the Playeum and while regaling what JED did there, a question that surfaced was "So what did Jordan do since it was all Lego and cars?" My instinctive retort that needed to be suppressed was "Who says girls can't play with cars (and Lego)?".

Because that was precisely what Jordan did for most part of it; play with the cars and later on with Lego and marbles. I had expected her to be at the Workshop table where there was a buffet of recyclable materials, fabrics, glue, markers etc. And that in itself was a terrible assumption on my part. She didn't even venture there because she was busy trying to race cars down another set of tracks; in this space, you could adapt the tracks as well as create the vehicles. She twisted, propped up, laid flat, looped and curled the track, watched how her car responded to it and adjusted it accordingly. We have a million pictures of her building a mini roller coaster for her car without it going off the rails and none of the Workshop area, unfortunately.

She can't look!

An interesting observation was that despite the number of times their cars crashed, broke into a million pieces, the kids just went back the drawing board and tried again, always adjusting, always swoping out parts and using different things to see if it worked better.

Jordan and Evan also tried their hands at building their own marble runs while taking a break from the ramps and cars. Even with this, they used ribbons, straightened and twisted paper clips to 'tie' the 'tracks'. Tracks here being old tubes of cardboard or plastic pipes or tubing. Evan got a bit frustrated when his creations wouldn't hold but there was a gleam of satisfaction every time he dropped a marble in and it came out at the bottom.

So they ended up with a morning of play which wasn't dictated by anyone. It was just theirs. When asked which section they liked the most, they were unanimous in their vagueness. They all liked 'building the stuff', which was really all they did.

There were other areas as well though JED didn't spend a lot of time there. It wasn't as if they weren't as fun. In fact, the Dark Room was one of my favourite areas  because I love shadows and making pictures or shadows. There was also the Workshop space I mentioned earlier where we could make whatever it is we wanted with the available tools. Packrat spent much of his time building cars to try and outdo the boys. I don't know if he succeeded though.



At the end of the day, one thing Ken Robinson had said resounded "if you're not prepared to be wrong, you'll never come up with anything original" and it had truly been a morning of their coming up with their own original creations and where there was no right or wrong way to do it. Any place that does that is good for anyone's soul.

Details of how to get to Playeum and other nitty gritty but important pieces information. 

Location:
Blk 47 Malan Road
Gillman Barracks #01-21/23

It's near the Hort Park and it quite far into the barracks so be prepared to trek and clock steps or drive.

Mon to Fri from 7:00am to 5:00pm

First Hour Free Parking

$0.50 per 30 min for the Second hour

$3.00 per hour for the Third hour onwards or part thereof

Saturdays from 7:00am to 11:00am

Free Parking from 11:00am to 7:00pm

$0.50 per 30 min

Mon to Fri from 5:00pm to 7:00am (next day)

Saturdays from 7:00pm to 7:00am (next day)

$0.50 per 30min (capped at $2.00)

Parking is free on Sundays so that was great. 

Ticketing:
Child (1-12): $20 (It's a non-profit organisation but they have to keep putting out resources and pay for utilities!)
Accompanying adult: You play for free.
Not open on Mondays and Christmas meaning Haze days are a great time to visit them.

We are most thankful to Playeum for the the time and space to create, tinker and make without instruction manuals!

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Piano Recital

Jordan has begged for piano lessons over the last few years; we've hedged for a variety of reasons. One, we didn't have a piano. Two, it costs money. Three, she was so over-scheduled we couldn't find time to do it. Four, I didn't have very good memories of piano exams. So we didn't budge for a long time. Jordan kept negotiating, like a dog with a bone and eventually, sometime in April we caved. We borrowed a keyboard and set her up with a piano teacher. The deal was piano lessons but she had to practice each piece 5 times a day and she had to do her theory homework.

And the girl has kept to her end of the bargain. She practised and she conscientiously ran her drills and pieces every day. It paid off because not six months into her lessons, her teacher asked if she wanted to be part of a duet for a recital. Her teacher thought it would be good exposure and it would train her listening and sense of rhythm. So we agreed. She would play the duet with her cousin. But for the entire month of August, she practised on her own. She had to learn her part and be able to play it properly before we got her playing with her cousin. That being said, she did need to practise being in time with someone and her teacher, realising that I had the rudiments of piano playing, deputised me to play her cousin's part.

In the two weeks or so that I played with her, I saw how her ability to count, listen and adjust her speed instinctively improve massively. It got to a point where she played it better than I did and I was the one making the mistakes because I wasn't the one practising it every day and I wasn't the one who had learnt the piece by heart. She would, bless her heart, slow down when I couldn't keep up and count the bars for me when I got lost with the chords. By this last week, both of us had it down pat. I could hear her playing in sync with me and I knew how to make sure that we hit the right bar at the right time.

Today was the recital and she dragged me out of bed early this morning to rehearse one more time before we left the house. I whined about being sleepy and blurry eyed and she told me to stretch my fingers and assured me that she would count for me while I tried to wake up. Once she was sure I was able to play it, even though I was still trying to fully pry my eyes open, she dragged Packrat out of bed to record it on video. Packrat was merciful enough to petition on my behalf that I get bathed and  dressed before videoing it, pointing out that it didn't look so good videoing us with mussed up hair and in our night clothes.



While half awake and playing through half opened eyes, my mind randomly wandered back to an article I had read some weeks back; When Kids Want to Quit and how we could not expect that our kids to stick to their activities forever and that as long as they kept their word and finished what was expected of them, we couldn't expect much more. But what I kept thinking about pertained more to me than to Jordan.

"I remind myself that I was once a quitter myself. Violin, piano, ballet, flute, gymnastics, modern dance – none lasted more than a handful of years. These activities may not have led to Julliard, but they did cement a lifelong love of music and dance. As a semi-professional singer, I rely on the sight-reading ability that I honed at the piano to learn new songs quickly. And I can walk into any exercise class confident that I’ll at least be able to follow the instructor. If my daughters can broaden their horizons and uncover an enjoyable hobby, I’ll consider that a success."

The realisation was that for me, all those years of piano lessons, while not amounting to much except a bunch of ABRSM certificates and still a dismal inability to hear or sing tone, allowed me to be Jordan's stand-in duet partner. It helped that she could play with an adult, whom she could pretty much trust not to botch up so that she could focus on her bit. It helped that there was someone at home to help her get through the difficult parts in her section without having to wait for her lesson with the teacher or get screeched at for getting it wrong. And it helped her become confident enough to play amidst mistakes and be able to adjust for miscounts. It also didn't feel so much like practice for her because it was a "her and Mom' thing and even if it was all I had time to do with her that day, she was happy. It put her in the right frame of mind to go up on stage and play in front of a crowd. It made it fun for her.



That my piano lessons as a child prepared me to be able to do this for my own child, I'll consider that a success. Now to convince my own parents of that my scrawling on the baby grand's keys in permanent marker was part of a larger divine plan

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Sailing, sailing home

Evan didn't have much of a March break. He spent 4 out of 5 days of the break in Sembawang. Boondocks, Singapore style.

He was there sailing. After the fiasco with his CCA selection and not getting into the sailing CCA, we promised that he could try out sailing for himself during the holidays.

So we went the distance, literally, and signed him up for a kiddy sailing camp that the SAF Yacht Club offered.

We barely saw him those 4 days. He left after breakfast and came home for dinner and being inebriated by the sea air and sun, he would fall asleep soon after.

But he had fun.

Highlights for him:
1. Being thrown into the sea and made to swim 50 m to shore. He imagined sharks and swamp things lurking in the water.

2. Playing with sand while he waited for his friends to return.

3. Actually being on the water and sailing.

4. Learning all the different parts of the boat. The easiest way to piss him off was to go "the left side of the boat" or the "front of the boat". That would elicit an irritated hiss, "It's the PORT side, MOMMY!" or "It's the BOW of the BOAT!"

5. Being able to master the knots he was taught.

Things he didn't like but we thought built character:

1. Theory lessons about the weather, clouds, reading the current from the waves and knot tying.

2. Being hit one too many times on the head by the boom. He learned pretty quick that he had to duck.We console him and tell him at least he didn't get hit by the boom and end up in the water like another of his course mates.

3. Sailing around in circles, literally. He got annoyed at the wind getting in the way of the direction he was meant to head. (There's a life lesson in that somewhere)

4. Getting sea sick because the patrolling power boats rocked the bath tubs they were in.

5. Having to eat chicken every day for lunch or going hungry. (He has a strange aversion toward chicken right now)

By the end of it, he was browned to a crisp and definitely had more than the FDA recommended amount of Vitamin D.

 Can he sail? According to the coaches, he sailed decently and could get the boat going the direction they were supposed to head. Will he do the next course? We don't know yet. We're hedging because it's really far. He'd hedging because he worries about being sea sick (telling him that upchucking in the sea was ok and a great way to see fish up close and personal didn't seem to appeal much to him).

We'll revisit it before the next course begins.

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Holiday things to do- A day camp with a difference (Review)

We've just passed the first week of the holidays and JED have done their fair share of lolling around. Evan and Packrat have had to recover from camp and Jordan, from her gym competition (which I shall blog about soon.) I'm loving all the random stuff that they have been able to do, sleep overs at grandma's, play dates with friends and they even had some new experiences in the week.

The Giving Treehouse Student Care Centre wrote to invite the twins to their holiday programme. I'm sticking to my guns about not having the kids swamped by holiday classes but this one was different. This one had a heart and it was something I could totally get behind.

The twins, together with their friend Kate, did only 3 out of the 5 day programme but it was enough for them to have a lot of fun and to come home a little bit more thoughtful. Each day was markedly different from the next.

I was very taken by the colours and vibrance of the place. There was a lot of green, inspired by Shel Silvertein's The Giving Tree (already a win in my book!) and an entire wall that was a chalk board for the kids to scrawl on. Obviously, that was what the twins descended on first.

What I liked about the programme was that it was obviously non-academic and these were things that I would have done with JED if I had the time, space and didn't have to worry about anything else. And in my book, that's what holidays are meant for. 

So the highlights for us were 

1. The Trampoline Park (Jordan and Evan)

An entire hour of non-stop bouncing and challenging each other to see who could jump the highest, twirl the most number of times or somersault into a pool of foam had the kids drenched in sweat. Evan's frustration was that he couldn't get up to the top of the mattress no matter how high he jumped. But his efforts did make him look like a basketballer ready to dunk a shot. 

2. Making stuff (Evan)
Some time ago, we made lava lamps at home out of recycled bottles, cooking oil, colouring and Alka Seltzer. We've since thrown those away and he's been bugging us to do it again. I've been hedging because it's a lot of oil to use. So, the fact that The Giving Treehouse's programme included the making of lava lamps, sold the progamme to him in a heart beat. He didn't even ask about what else we were going to do. Lava lamping was good enough for him.

Their weird humour surfaced with the Alka Seltzer bubbling in the oil and colour mixtures. Small eruptions were 小龙包 and large eruptions were obviously, 大龙包. I didn't get it but they seemed to think it was hilarious.

Making the lava lamps

Making kites. 

3. Helping Others. (My favourite)

Evan wanted to do the camp because of the lava lamps, Jordan wanted to do the camp because of the day at the Trampoline Park and I wanted them to do the camp because their last day there had them going to Willing Hearts to help prepare meals for delivery. After Evan's whole 'poor people are Muslim' thing, I really needed for them to see more of this part of Singapore that features so little in their psyche and helping at Willing Hearts was a good start to it. They had to slice food for cooking and then label the boxes. It wasn't very hard work but it was hot, tedious and repetitive. They stuck to it though and Jordan announced that she had helped prepare meals for people who needed food. 

So by Friday, the twins felt very accomplished. In Evan's words, they had had an exercise day, a 'make things' day and a helping day. I couldn't have summed it up better.

My only reservation about going to The Giving Treehouse was that it was in the East and we lived on the other side of the island. But it turned out to be well worth the commute.

The Giving Treehouse is essentially an after school care centre and if I were a working mom and my kids were in school in the East, this would really be the place I would send them to. The coaches were great; they hung out with the kids, talked to them at their level and played with them. The centre was filled with books and games and everything was welcoming. I had a look at their regular after school schedule and there was conscious effort to always include time to do things that were beyond just the books. All good things.

Having grown up in the East, I've always believed that the best things are in the East and this pretty much reinforces it for me.

Now, if only I could convince Packrat that moving to the East was viable.

The Giving Tree House is at Laguna Park. (https://www.facebook.com/thegivingtreehouse)
5000F Marine Parade Road, 
#01-24 Laguna Park
Singapore 449289

T: 6448 5700
M: 9150 5756
It is a Before/ After School Student Centre and there is the option of doing ad-hoc drop-offs too.

The twins were offered a week at The Giving Tree House's holiday programme. There are four more weeks of it and I'd do it too if we didn't live so far away. Anyway, that's pretty much testament of our opinions of the programme.

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Coming into their own- Evan

The first weekend of the holidays had the twins going off separately to do their own thing. As twins, they started off doing everything together and being clones of one another. As they got older and because they were first in different classes and then different schools, they began to do different things and go their separate ways. We see this as a good thing. Especially when the things they choose to do are so different.

Evan chose, very excitedly, to go to camp with Packrat. His school organised a Father-Son Camp and Evan wanted badly to sleep in a tent and be at a camp fire. Packrat's response was luke warm, filled with bad memories of NS field camps. But the enthusiasm of his son was something that he couldn't say no to.

So they spent the weekend out in Sembawang where occasionally mobile phones get the "Welcome to Celcom" message.

When he came back, I asked him to write down words and thoughts about the camp. From all that, this is what we surmised.
The things he enjoyed about camp:

1. Playing catch with his friends.
Any time he had while waiting for the next activity to begin, he would do what other 7 year olds did- he played catching with his friends. And they did a lot of that, complete with monkey photos.

2. Skipping.

A first for him where we realised that the kid had remarkable air time. Just like his dad. With such utter glee at that. 

3. Hop Scotch
Both father and son came home raving about Sembawang Park. I guess that's going to be on our holiday 'to-do' list.

4. Eating.
Food is of greatest priority to Evan. He embodies the saying "A hungry man (boy) is a grumpy man (boy)". So as long as he is well fed and his tummy is filled, he's a happy camper.

5. Playing with Papa.
This was what the camp was meant to do. Dad- son bonding and on this alone, they fulfilled the objective, by the buckets. Now more than ever, Evan is Packrat's little shadow, always wanting to hang out with him, do stuff with him and asking for him when he isn't around.



What he didn't like about the camp (much shorter but much more loudly articulated):

1. The toilets
While they weren't spoilt, they weren't clean and there was a smell. So in his words, they were 'disgusting'. He refused to use the toilet if it wasn't necessary and he figured out very quickly when it wasn't necessary.

2. The showers
Open showers with cold water and muddy floors. He declared a moratorium on baths on the second day because he knew I was picking them up late at night. But that meant, the car had an unholy smell to it and the clothes had to go straight into the wash. Leaving it till the next morning would have caused our home to require a HAZMAT team come in to decontaminate it.

Looking dirty and scruffy because of the moratorium on showers

3. Sleeping in tents

While he was all excited to go camping because he could sleep in a tent, he really didn't like sleeping in the tent. It was uncomfortable and he was lying on the ground; despite the yoga mat that I had sent with them and the sleeping bag. When he came home, he rolled around on his bed and relished it, declaring how he missed it.

All in, I'd say the camp was a good thing for him. 

He got to experience 'ponding' first hand when the rains threatened to literally wash the camp away and he was, in a sense, gently pushed beyond his comfort zone; Evan's body shuts down at 8.30pm but at camp they kept going and going and he really didn't have much of a choice so he kept going till he literally crashed.

We tell him how NS would be much more uncomfortable, how Papa won't be there and how he'll be playing catching of another sort with his friends. His response is to pray that there will be no war. He also swears that he isn't going back again, ever. But in spite of that, he wears a huge smile when he looks at the pictures of the camp and he does this repeatedly. He also talks about the camp at every chance he gets.

So, no matter how vociferous his complaints have been about camp, I'm proud of him because no matter how miserable he was when it rained out or uncomfortable it was, he had fun in the things that he did and he never once asked to go home. That to me, is achievement unlocked for Evan.

Perhaps by the time Muffin is his age, he and Packrat (more importantly) will be ready to go again. But then, who am I to say since I wasn't the one out there with him?

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Challenging the stereotypes

One of the most frustrating parts about being a teacher is realising that my students bought lock stock and barrel the racial/ religious stereotypes that were virulent in Singapore. I have lectured, nagged, corrected, ranted and raved at them for making grievous assertions.

Evan came home announcing that there was a food drive in school where they were supposed to bring can food to donate to the underprivileged. While Evan tried to explain the mechanics of the food drive to me, I felt the familiar sensation of my blood boiling. But I had to remind myself that this was my son and he was 7 years old and he was reporting a message he had been told in school.

He had said "We need to buy can food to give to the poor people. And the food must be Halal because the poor people are Muslims."

In my mind, this was a precursor to the ignorant assertions I hear from 17 year olds about how all Muslims are terrorists and all poor people live in Africa. I am very sure that their stereotypes come from bits and pieces of misinformation as well.

I don't think his teacher actually said any of that to him. I suspect the message was that
a. We are running a can food donation drive for the underprivileged.
b. Please make sure the can food is Halal so that if the underprivileged we are going to give the can food to are Muslim, they can eat it too.

So, donning my teacher hat, I proceeded to try to correct the misinformation and explained to him that it wasn't that all poor people were Muslim and that it was so that we could bless everyone equally with our donation.

I could see he was having a bit of a hard time understanding everything I was explaining to him but he tried to correct himself later on. And he was very pleased with the stash of can food he had picked out. Of course, he's footing half the bill so perhaps, when I tell him that he owes me $6, he isn't going to be so pleased.

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The twins: Performer and Prop.

Evan's school is running this thing, it's an international competition called Odyssey of the Mind and its sister competition called Destination Imagination. It's a critical thinking, problem solving programme and it sounds like great fun. Creativity, confidence, on your feet problem solving, performing. All good things.

The thing is, I don't think Evan would be keen to do the performing bit. And unfortunately, that is a big part of OM or DI. We were keen to let Evan be part of it but one of the reasons holding us back is that his ideal role in it would be that he is a tree or a rock. Evan doesn't like to be in the limelight. He isn't a performer.

That is Jordan. From young, she's loved performing and speaking in front of people. It hasn't scared her. That has never been a problem for her.

Hard to believe they shared a womb.

Yesterday, she decided that she would create her own Rainbow Loom videos. As with many other girls of her age group, she's pretty caught up in it and she's always wanting me to show her new styles of doing bracelets. So, in the style that the instructional videos are made, she decides to do one too. She chats through it with her idea of small talk and she explains what she is doing though not very clearly because that's her jumbled, creative, unrehearsed mind talking. But we did it, in one take. All of it was her direction, where she sat, what she had in the background and where everything was placed. I was just the camera person.



So for her, that opportunity would have been great, playing on her strengths and I am sad that she isn't going to get the opportunity to do it.

As for Evan, it'll be good for him if I can convince him that the stage won't collapse on him if he were more than a rock or a tree. The question is whether or not I can.

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A contractual agreement

Evan signed his first contract today. Just before heading off to bed, he asked me very innocently if there was 听 写 (Chinese Spelling) tomorrow. To which my reply was "you tell me?". When he unearthed his Chinese list, it was evident that there was 听 写 tomorrow.

I had two options.

1. He sleeps late to study for it.

2. He doesn't learn it and faces the consequences of doing badly tomorrow. Both from us and from school.

I chose the latter.

I asked him if he thought I was mad, he said yes.

When I asked him why, he said because he lied.

I told him it wasn't about lying. It was about being responsible for his work. With both Jordan and him, I forget dates and what they have to do. It's impossible for the most Type A amongst us and I am by no stretch of the imagination, super Type A. So I tell him that I am upset because he was irresponsible. And that came with consequence.

Thereafter, I asked him what did he hope to get for 听 写. He said full marks. So we drew up an agreement that anything less than full marks would have consequences because he forgot to study for it.

A concept he is unfamiliar with.

We came up with a list of the 5 things he enjoyed doing most and ranked it.
1. Playing with our neighbour, Kate.
2. Going downstairs to play.
3. Going on a night walk.
4. Watching television on the weekend.
5. Reading his Star Wars books.

The agreement:
If Evan gets 100, nothing gets taken away.
If Evan gets 95, no Star Wars books for a day.
If Evan gets 90, no watching television on Saturday.
If Evan gets 85, no night walk for that week.
If Evan gets 80, no going downstairs to play for 3 days.
If Evan gets 75, no playing with Kate for 4 days.

Signed and agreed by him, witnessed by Jordan.

It's up on the fridge in the kitchen with everything else important, for everyone to see.
 
I'm not sure if he truly understands consequence yet but I sure hope this teaches him something because behind the 'zen' mommy was a one who was about blow a gasket and have an aneurysm, all the while still in work clothes.

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Enforced play

I read a lot of articles that make me nervous. And it's got to do with school. But it doesn't have to do with them keeping up with school though I do worry about that some times. It's got to do with how  our system keeps them indoors and seated at the table for too much time. And how, that isn't a healthy thing. Sitting at the table is synonymous with doing work, doing work is synonymous with learning things and learning things is a good thing therefore being indoors and sitting at the table is a good thing.

But the contrary, according to the articles, seems to be true. How to keep the kids from fidgeting in class? Send them out to play. How to keep the kids focused in class? Send them out to play. How to keep them from becoming myopic? Send them out to play.

So even though I have been part of the system, I find it difficult to accept the long table hours that JED (more Jordan and Evan and in particular, Jordan) have to sit through daily. I get why some of it is necessary but it boggles the mind, especially in the face of all the research out there, why the majority of educators and policy makers out there seem to be missing the point. It cannot be that they don't read the same papers or articles that I do. I'll probably be accused of being myopic in some way; not being able to see the big picture and all that. And because of that, I worry for JED, that they aren't getting what they need.

So, for now, I try to provide them all the outdoor time they need by juggling their needs. I let them do silly things like form rainbow loom jump ropes to jump over, hang off exercise yard equipment (though it scares the living daylights of me) and take them from walks that extend beyond 1 km in the night. That is above and beyond PE and other organised play.

Recently, I made the call for Jordan not to complete her homework because it would have taken her all the way to dinner without a break. I sent her out to the playground downstairs to muck about. And for now, I can still do it because homework is relatively non-emergent and there were no other co-curricular committments. I realised later that night, with a sinking heart, how it was a battle I was definitely going to lose. It was more a matter of when I would finally have to cave rather than whether I would cave. And that weighed very heavily on me.

Packrat and I were recently discussing a future holiday we were planning to take and I pointed out that it would be dependent on whether the twins (who would be Primary 3 or 4 by then) had holiday classes at that point. His response was " they will not go to those classes then." Brave fighting words. I don't know if we'll be able to say that at that point. We'll try as hell though and hopefully the stuff I read starts sieving through the policy makers' and teachers filter bubbles as well.

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Being overtaken

Apparently, it is a defining moment in a child's life to realise that they are actually smarter or they actually know more than their parents. I remember when I realised my parents sucked at Math. Thankfully I had two brothers who could help and even till today, remain smarter than I am.

I am fast approaching that point with Evan. He asks questions that I cannot answer off the top of my head. I have to pay attention when he asks me what words mean or how things work. When I try the socratic questioning thing with him; to lead him to his own answer and he gets it, he is pleased. Often, in order to be aware of how he got to that answer I try and ask him how he figured it out deductively. And he will tell me truthfully, 'It came from my head. I thought of it myself.'

Increasingly, his responses to how he knows things approximate that. I am happy because I can help him get to the answer rather than telling it to him.

But there are things that he knows that are truthfully beyond me. He plays chess. He figured it out how to do it through a combination of the giant chess set they have at school, our neighbour and her mum as well as Packrat reading cheat guides online.

He makes me play with him. I can't play chess. All I know is the pawn moves straight up and the knight moves in a shape of an L. So he attempts to teach me. And because Mommy's brain doesn't work strategically, I am often left staring blankly at the board. So he will help me. Or seem to help me. He tells me where I ought to move to.

Unfortunately, my not yet 7 yo is a strategist, capitalising on the fact that Mommy knows next to nothing and can be fooled. Obediently, I move where he tells me to not knowing that his motive of getting me was to facilitate his ability to relieve me of my pieces.

And when I call him on it, he gives me a shy but extremely victorious smile. Yes, I'd been had by my son. 

I just have to make sure though that he doesn't mistake his knowledge and his bright sparks for wisdom and that even with all the cleverness in the world, he is still willing to learn and that he displays all this intellect with humility rather than self-inflated arrogance.

                                                             

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Peer Pressure

The one very distinct way the twins' school differ from one another is the request for parent volunteers. One school mentioned it at orientation and hasn't really asked again. I am sure if I rang the school and offered to do something, they might get back to me. The other school runs an almost parallel programme for the kids purely on parent volunteers.

Before I go on, I do admit that the programmes the latter school offers are really good and they do make a great amount of difference to the kinds of learning the child gets. But it also drives home some more sobering truths; that access to opportunity does make education extremely unequal and that this opportunity that parent volunteers provide only can exist in a school where parents are middle-upper income, time is flexible or if one parent is not working.

I chose to volunteer; not in a big way but to be present in school half an hour, once a week. I thought the kid would get a big kick out of the fact that Mom was there. But that half an hour, once a week has opened myself and even Packrat up to requests and subtle pressure to do even more. There are ad-hoc committees to organise various special occasions in the school, there are other constant groups that create additional materials for and support academic teaching, there are also groups aimed at organising kids to take them through to out of school competitions.

As a teacher, I would have loved to teach in a school like that because it would mean that I could concentrate solely on the classroom teaching and offloaded from some of the other things.

As a parent, I am thankful that my kid is in a school that provides so many enriching opportunities for growth, exposure and experience.

But as a parent volunteer who works full time (albeit on a flexible schedule) with 3 kids in 3 different schools and is the principal tutor, driver and everything else for them, it is incredibly stressful. After listening to the briefing, I came to the conclusion that volunteering at this kid's school could easily amount to a full time job with zero pay. Yes, there is no price tag we can put on the satisfaction and all the potential bonding I will get to do with said kid and I would be helping out the school community. But where would I find the time in between work, my other primary school going child and Muffin? And all the volunteering that I would be doing, would my other school going child be upset that Mommy isn't there doing the same thing?

I advocate volunteering, I think it is a great way to serve. But when the message that emanates from this volunteer community is that 'you are only a good parent if you spend all your time volunteering at your kid's school,' it becomes stifling. It is difficult to not feel you are being judged when the first question you are asked when you meet fellow parents is 'what are you volunteering as?'. It is difficult not to feel guilty for saying no when you are told 'Your kid will be so thrilled to see you!'. It would be incomprehensible to even say somewhat flippantly that the reason why you are celebrating their being in school is just so that you could get away from those little pesks! I have fantasised about saying that, just to see their heads explode in front of me.

Then what of those parents who work regular hours, who cannot leave the office because the library needs them at 11 in the morning? Parents shouldn't be made to feel bad because they have to work and cannot be at their kids' school during school/ work hours.

Like I said earlier on, it is about opportunity and many of those who can volunteer have the opportunity and privilege of either not needing to work for that necessary income or being able to carve out time to do it. I have thought about that, moving things round and working round all the schedules to do this. But Packrat begs me to realise that I am already overstretched and an overstretched mom, like an overstretched rubber band, has a higher propensity of snapping. I am certain that there will be those who will say, 'but your kid benefits from the parents who do volunteer and you should help some other kid benefit too.' Yes, I am eternally grateful for those who can. But my point is that those who are unable to or perhaps do not wish to, should not be made to feel like they are less of a parent if they didn't do so.

I know of parents who react in the opposite way, that they are annoyed to be asked to help out in school. I'm not at that extreme either. I'll help in whatever capacity I can, when my schedule and my other kids' schedules permit me to do so. And while I do that, I will also attempt to grow a thicker hide because that is the only way I will survive another 6+ years.

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Domestic Helpers

Our helper threw out her back on the first day of the term vacation. This meant utter chaos in the house. Evan had a Lego camp to head to at 7.30 am, Jordan- Princess Ballerina camp at 8.30 and Muffin and I had a breakfast date after dropping her.

The older two still went ahead with what they had to do but from the words "Mommy, Kakak is crying and cannot move!" at 6 am, it was non-stop action for me. Breakfast, showers, snacks and getting dressed had to be organised at break neck speed, all the while trying to figure out how to help our poor incapacitated helper.

Thankfully the twins sprang into action without my asking. They cleared their breakfast table, Jordan made the beds and Evan cleared the laundry. Even Muffin got into the act and cleared his own toys and put away the books on the floor.

While I was thankful that they helped, I actually thought much of it was novelty that drove them to pick up after themselves.

They surprised me by jumping into action this morning without prompting.

This was what Jordan did. 

She showered herself and her little brother, pronouncing that he was 'squeaky clean' after running her finger across his arm.

She helped take all the dried laundry off the hangars, meticulously putting all the hangers in a pile, clothes pegs in another and clothes in the third pile.

She hung up the freshly laundered clothes, neatly spacing them out.

She dressed herself for ballet and packed her own ballet bag, filled with snacks, water bottle and her sweater.

It showed her very careful and meticulous approach at doing things.

This was what Evan did. 

He made his own bed. 

He showered himself, dressed himself and got his own breakfast. 

He dragged into the laundry area our laundry baskets and helped load the washing machine. 

He mopped the floor in the evening.

He did the dishes.

He helped butter our helper's toast for breakfast.

It showed him to actually be a more empathetic helper. He does things that he knows will cause our helper more pain if she had to do it.

 

This is how Muffin helped

He copied his siblings. Whatever his siblings were up to, he wanted to do. So he ended up doing a bit of everything and making a big nuisance of himself as he slipped on wet floor and bruised his bum. 

His one only job was to clear up his toys. He would do so most of the time although occasionally he needed to be prodded around by the appearance of a bin and the suggestion that everything that wasn't picked up from the floor was rubbish and ought to be put into the bin. 

For Muffin, it really was about the thrill of playing with the mop and playing with clothes poles.

I know it is not much and we are privilleged since we actually have help. But as I am falling asleep writing this; exhausted from a day of soccer mom driving, work and ensuring the house is still standing, I know I could be more tired if not for them. So, I am thankful that the older two know how to help and have risen to the occasion. I am also heartened to know that I haven't spoiled them to the point that they are helpless and whiny. Now to figure out how to factor their doing of all these chores into their daily routines.

 Technorati Tags: JED, helping behaviour, children

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5 reasons why I admire my son

Evan floors me at times.

He is an amazing kid. And I don't say it because I'm his mother; although I'm sure I'm not being entirely impartial here.

But this is for him more than anyone else.

There may come a day, hopefully later than sooner, that he may feel utterly discouraged. And hopefully, he might feel better, with this.

1.  Evan is brave.
He had to go to the dentist to check that his new teeth weren't impacting his old too badly. They were fine but our dentist found that he had somehow managed to chip two molars that were side by side. I am convinced he was chewing rocks. Anyway, the chipped bits had to be filled in through a long process of artificially and manually separating the teeth with a metal contraption. Uncomfortable was an understatement and I could see him get stressed and tensed all the while trying not to struggle because Aunty B (our dentist) had told him not to. Eventually, it got the better of him, but we all saw how much he tried to deal with it and resist his immediate instinct of yanking out what must have an excruciating contraption. Auntie B was full of praise, as was Mommy.

2. Evan is considerate
At the end of the dental check-up, Auntie B whipped out a box of individually packed toys and told Evan that he could take one. After all, he had been so brave. But he didn't just take one. He asked to take 2 more. One for Muffin (a Kungfu Panda figurine) and one from the 'girl' box (which was actually in the drawer, so he had to ask for it) for Jordan.

3. Evan is intelligent
That is putting it simply. He actually has quite impressive powers of inference, deduction and all those wonderful critical skills I try to teach 17 year olds. He reads a lot and is curious about everything around him, always asking questions. We try and answer as many of his questions as humanly possible, as accurate as possible; resisting the temptation to make it up as we go along. We never really know how much goes in. Many weeks ago, we had a conversation with his doctor uncle about leeches and their uses. Today, at the hospital, he asks,

Evan: Where is the leech room?
Mommy: The what room?
Evan: The LEECH room? Leeches are used to clean people's blood by drinking it right? This is a hospital to make people better right? So where is it?
Mommy: We don't use leeches anymore.
Evan: We should. They are cool!

4. Evan is simple.
I lament a great deal about our finances. Much of it has got to do with worrying that I cannot provide what the children need. But on days like today where Evan is absolutely chuffed to be able to take the MRT more than 1 train stop (we sometimes do that just so that they get a train ride) and kneels on the seat and watches the tunnels whizz by, I know things will always be okay. And of all the toys that Aunty B offered him, what made his day the most was his name label for his case file. He proudly stuck it on his chest and went to school with it.

5. Evan is a helper.
He helps us. He is the one I can count on. If I tell him something, it will get done. And we only have to tell him once. It could be waking up his Papa or it could be making sure that something is packed for school. And he looks out for his siblings. He's not the most nurturing but when it comes to safety, he instinctively pulls his younger brother or his sister behind him. When Packrat went away last year for work and told Evan he was the man of the house, Evan took it seriously. Of course, he tried to abuse his power and lord over Mommy but he learnt very quickly that Mommy was still the Mommy Dowager even if he was Acting Man of the House.

 At the end of the day, I thank God for the person that Evan is growing into and for the record, Evan, we're very very proud of who you are becoming and you wow us.

  Technorati Tags: JED, parenting

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Saturday Morning Snapshot: Meeting Charlotte

The twins went to the theatre this morning. They went to see Charlotte's Web with their school. We were a bit worried that the story was too grown up for them (what with Charlotte dying and all) but they loved it. They loved the entire experience, from getting the book in the mail (we don't know where our copy went to), getting dressed to go to school on a Saturday (at this age, going to school on a Saturday is fun!) and getting onto a big bus to go off to the theatre.

The highlight of the performance? Helium balloons pretending to be baby spiders released from the egg sac and taking flight at the end of the book.

They unanimously agreed that Charlotte was their favourite character.

  Technorati Tags: JED, Charlotte's Web, Singapore

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