Saturday, April 05, 2014

Only Children

Jordan has been making comments lately about wanting to be the only child. She explained that it was because she had to keep giving in to her brothers; after all, there are two of them and their demands often make her feel cornered; my words not hers.

Her most recent remark was about how 'of course Muffin gets to do special stuff'. An insight into how she sees Muffin getting to do things that both she and Evan do not do.

It gets exhausting to hear the complaints. It's a recent thing.

I don't think things have changed much. Perceptions have however.

She perceives Muffin to have more privilleges than they (she) do.

1. He gets to sleep in our bed.
2. He doesn't have homework to do.
3. He gets to spend time with Mommy alone.
4. And according to Muffin, he and Mommy do things like go to the park while they are hard at work in school.

The reality is that the twins had the same opportunities when they were his age. They slept in our bed, they had no homework, they got time with Mommy on their own or together. We remind them of the numerous outings and adventures we had after we dropped Muffin, bawling, at child care when he was younger. And we used to take them out on breakfast and lunch dates while Muffin stayed home to nap.

They also do get special time on their own with us. Mommy picks her from school and Mommy has lunch with just her. On another day, Papa picks her up and she gets Papa all to herself all afternoon.

Evan gets both Papa and Mommy all to himself after school while Jordan and Muffin are otherwise occupied. And Papa and him get to do guy things on their own.

But she stares at me in disbelief when I remind her of all that.

Like I said. Perception.  

On top of that, because Muffin is the youngest, the twins are often told to give in to him.

And that has been the only thing that we can do anything about and we have. Muffin has been explicitly told, if his siblings say no to him, he has to accept it. That regardless of the fit chucking that ensues, he doesn't get what he wants till his siblings see it fit to let him have it. At the same time, we tell the twins that at some point, when they tire of playing with whatever it is they are playing with, they have to let Muffin have a go at it.

On days when my nerves are frayed and I am frazzled, these comments are hurt a little bit because I'm exhausted by the effort of trying to keep up and be what every one needs. Then I just want to grab my book, go somewhere totally alone, leave them all to their own devices and not be a mommy to anyone.

All of them want to be the only child. Unfortunately, the name of the game is that they gotta learn how to share Mommy and Papa because there really is only one set of us. 


Post a Comment