11 month old newborn

I haven't blogged for a while. Primarily because I've been exhausted. More exhausted than usual? Yes. How can that be? It's totally possible, what with the rising crescendo of work and one very finicky 11 month old. The 11 month old in question is Baby J. Those that have been reading the blog will know that she has feeding issues. I can't say an 11 month old has eating disorders, but I think she's as close as they come. On a regular day, it's an uphill battle to convince and coax her to drink half of what she is supposed to be drinking.

Add to that, the girl is teething. So gums, painful. As a result, she will allow no rubber teats near her sore gums and in the day, she's far too interested in playing than to take the boob. That means she gets most of her feeds at night, direct. I'm happy to accede to her needs for milk at night but it gets a little bit ridiculous when she's wanting milk every hour. It's not a comfort thing because she does take long drinks each time. The outcome for me is nipples as sore as they were when I first started breastfeeding and an extreme lack of sleep. Even with a newborn, whose needs are comparatively less complicated, being up feeding through the night can drive a mother to a distracted hallucinatory state. What more a mother of 11 months who has a job that requires her to speak coherently first thing in the morning?

It's been like that for the past few nights and my head really felt like it was going to blow yesterday. Every time I found myself close to 'idling' my eyes would shut. I came home, napped a little bit while Evan was napping in my room and then was semi conscious till their bedtime where I subsequently gave up fighting as I tried to coo Evan to sleep. I slept for a glorious 4 hours before waking up to relieve slightly engorged boobs and crawled back into bed as soon as I could.

Now, I am human enough to feel like I've been run over by a truck and the end in sight being a 10 day sojourn from the babies next week. I'm looking forward to the sleep and the weather but the bit about leaving the kids behind, not so much. I have irrational fears about that. All of which have to do with how the kids will forget me and discover they don't need me any more. As it is, Evan has decided he no longer likes the boob and doesn't require my services in that area. I worry that Baby J will go the same way and even though it would mean no more hourly night feeds, I don't want that to happen. Just call me crazy but I'm entitled to be. I'm a mommy.


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