The busy SAHM

Baby J is punishing me. She doesn't do it by ignoring me or anything violent. It's actually her sub- conscience that's punishing her Mommy. I've been ill and extremely in over my head the last week. I stupidly agreed to do some work that sucked a whole lot more time than I was counting on. That mean me holed up in the room for hours on end trying to get through the work, ignoring the kids even as they thrashed and cried for mommy.

That was an awful thing to do. I'd never missed the kids so much while I was in the house. And they probably felt the same way. So, when I finally materialised from the bedroom, they clung to me like fly to sticky paper. "Mommy bao bao peessss" was the common refrain the entire evening. (bao bao is carry, peeesss is please, add 'e's and 's's depending on emphasis).

I know I've talked about guilt before and here, once again, it rears it's ugly head. It also came in the form of Packrat who was berating me for agreeing to do something that was taking away time from the kids like my job was. And that was true. I chose to take time off to time off to hang with the kids and not do stuff with my time that was going to take me away from them.

Anyway, because of the weekend, Baby J was subconsciously angry with me. She was okay when she was awake. She'd play and run around although she was insistent that I was there with her. But when she was asleep, that was when it really showed. She needed to feel my hand on her back as she fell asleep. And I could only remove it after she'd fallen off to sleep. The problem was when she started in her sleep and discover my hand no longer on her. That's when she would chuck a huge fit, in her sleep, stamping her feet, flailing her arms and screaming, all with her eyes closed. She would only calm down when I put my hand back on her chest and sing to her. That doesn't sound too bad until you realise it was going to be that through the night. And to make matters worse, she developed a ear infection just round about crunch time and stayed up hours at night crying and trying to do a Van Gogh with her ear.

Evan too, had his own way of showing he was pissed off with Mommy. His was more obvious and during the waking hours. He would cling on to me for dear life, wouldn't do anything that didn't involve me and would cry at the slightest thing which included thunder and Gordon from Thomas the Tank having coal rain down on him.

I'm just relieved it's over and I can go back to spending the afternoons with them. We owe God-mama a card that we were supposed to make last week but I wasn't able to. That and their drippy noses weren't a good combination. So now that everyone is better, time to get started on the card.

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