Thursday, July 30, 2009

Shouting down my better angels

The one thing worse than being sick and being away from your kids is to be reminded how sucky you are as a mother because you let it happen.

It doesn't matter that it was the best decision I could make. It didn't matter that I didn't like the decision at all. All that mattered was that it was apparently the wrong decision.

Apparently what I was supposed to do was to keep my children with me so that I didn't have to shuttle up and down. Never mind that it isn't just me who is unwell, it's Packrat. We should just all wear masks. Never mind that 2-year-olds don't like their parents donning masks and would take the opportunity to strip the mask off, at least they will be with me. But at what cost?

The danger that they may still inadvertently catch the bug from their father even if he is conscientiously masked. It just takes one droplet of virus to wreak even more havoc in my family.

It annoys me, it really does that I am judged, not by my elders but by some of my peers on how I should bring up my kids and protect my kids. I don't like that I'm away from them. I don't like that I felt so ill today I didn't see them for the whole day and couldn't even bring myself to go visit them. But I know that for their safety and health, they're better off not seeing Mommy for a few days than to be hugged and kissed by Mommy (which is all I want to do) and get infected with God knows what bug.

And the problem is she-who-dishes-out-all-this-criticism is someone that I can't tell to f*#k off and this holier than thou attitude is really getting old.

Yes, it is my fault my husband got sick because I don't make him take a bath the minute he gets home from work. Yes, it is my fault that I am ill because I don't pop enough vitamins down in the morning. Yes, it is my fault that the twins are away from us because I daren't risk having them in a small house with one flu blown flu case (H1N1 or not) and one half blown case.

So on days like that, not only do I have to suffer the effects of illness, guilt and separation pangs, I have to suffer the idiocy of mothers who think they are better and could do this better. If I were more cruel, I would wish her half the amount of crap I've gone through in the last month and see how she weathers through it. But I can't because that would be a nasty thing to do. Times like that, I wish my better angels could be shouted down. It would make things much easier.

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7 comments:

  1. i think i know who. my sympathies.

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  2. Whoever the hell told you that?!?! I so wanna slap her! TMD!

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  3. hi, spend your energy recuperating and ignore this kind of pple's comments, they don't know any better.

    hope you and hubby get well soon.

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  4. As long as YOU know that it's the right decision. It's really too much of a risk to take for the twins to fall sick, plus imagine the chaos! Hope you'll manage to perfect the art of one-ear-in-one-ear-out (since you can't tell her to buzz off).

    Hope you get well soon.

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  5. You're a good mother not to let your kids get your germs. Don't listen to negative statements. Get well soon!

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  6. Hey, recommendations (at least here in Vancouver BC) is that pregnant moms should take Tamiflu the moment they have symptoms that could possibly be H1N1, even before it's confirmed. What's the Sgp recommendation? I think this is because they don't really know yet for sure if H1N1 causes birth defects or not.

    YY.

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  7. Ooooh, I hate it when people nag me about stuff they know NOTHING about. You could try slapping her with a trout (works for me) or maybe cultivating your earwax (questionable advice).

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