Spanner in the works

This post was written on the 7th of June. I've kept it until now because it's not kosher to say anything earlier than now.

Now that the mostly difficult first part is over and the difficult 2nd and 3rd part are to follow, here it is.
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A spanner in the works implies creating mayhem. That is what has happened this week. Something has occurred which has seriously created mayhem in our lives. Just as we were ready to move out. Just as we were getting used to the twins and their routines. Just as our finances were slowly beginning to make sense...

I get this feeling in me that something isn't quite right. It could have been easily put down to the heat of the day but something told me to take a pregnancy test. It came out negative though. So I really thought it was just the heat. 2 days later, I thought about it again. Period is late and I was dying to start running. Once again, a little voice in me tells me to test myself again. And that's when my jaw hit the ground, after double checking the instructions and the pictorial examples on the box.

2 lines.

"Oh no..." I intone.

Then I comb the house looking for Packrat who is with the twins, ask him to come up and toss him the stick muttering something like "Oh Crap!".

His reaction is like mine.



So why not the joy that more often than not accompanies such results? (Of course, that's assuming one is not an errant 17 year old).

1. We did not expect it. After all the trouble we went through to get pregnant the first time, we were quite sure this wasn't going to happen naturally.
2. Our lives were just about to start again. We were claiming our lives back by moving out. But with No. 3, that would mean, a more prolonged stay with the in laws, till the finances and the kid sort themselves out (which would get there first beats me)
3. What if it wasn't real? We've been surrounded lately by people who've lost their pregnancies early on. What if it were to happen to us? How would we cope? I remember the same fears with the pregnancy of the twins and it wasn't funny then either.
   
4. Linked to the 3, I don't feel sick. With the twins, from early on, I wanted to die. Throwing up 8 times a day tends to make one feel like dying is a better alternative. Anyway, because I didn't feel much, I was worried about 3. (This changed very rapidly though. I throw up almost as much as I did with the twins and at this point, between my 9th week visit to the doctor and my 12th week one, no weight was gained.)
   

So anyway, sufficed to say, it is a spanner thrown into the works. We're happy of course, but we need to sort out the reality that this pregnancy is going to exist in. And till then and till the pregnancy stabilises, it will be unreal and just scary.

Note to those breastfeeding out there...this happened the month I fully stopped breastfeeding. I was warned about this. But like I said, I didn't think it'd happen to us. But it seems that God has a sense of humour. And quite an ironic one at that.

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Things have settled down from that point. We've moved. The twins are manageable most of the time although I have lamented that I haven't really had the time to be pregnant, what with running after them, tending to them while they were ill and the general shenanigans that they get up to. I still worry about Baby No 3 but I realise that I ignore a lot of it most of the time because I just don't have time to think about it. Which could be a good thing.

When we do have time, we do marvel that this little bugger was a great surprise and so unexpected that, that in itself makes us chuckle. And it is good. We've managed to finally get to that point.


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