Dream job

It fills me with dread every time I think about the fact that I go back to work in a little more than a month. I don't really have much of a choice because 3 children mean a lot of costs and these costs cannot be covered by love, fresh air or a single income. So come end of June, I will have to give up what has been my life for the last year and a half effectively with a 3 month break when I went back to work last year.

Packrat knows I'm miserable about it and has asked me if given a choice and if finances weren't a problem, what I would ideally like to do. There are two scenarios and they are not exclusive.

One.

In the mornings when the children are in school, I have breakfast with friends, go to pilates, do my nails or whatever I need to do, grooming wise. Get home in time to have lunch with the children and get them to nap. Then I slip out and meet friends for tea or go to the spa or whatever I feel like. Perhaps a bit of shopping. Shop for supplies to make things with the kids. Shop for myself. Shop for the house, whatever. When they wake, we play, we go to the park, we do little activities that I have made for them before they have dinner. While they have dinner, Packrat and I hang out for a bit before we start their night routines and put them to bed. Alternatively, we slip out for dinner and a movie while they get put to bed by the help. ( I am supposed to be rich in this scenario).

I have realised that I love doing little craft projects for the twins to work on. Olie says I like the sense of completion and achievement. I realise I like doing things. I'm in the midst of doing one now. When it's done and the twins play with it, I'll post pictures.

Two.

I go to grad school. I realise that I've been wanting to go back to school and I suspect it's got a lot to do with my feeling that I'm not done with school. This feeling probably comes from the fact that I wasn't supposed to have stopped school for good when I started work. I was meant to have gone to grad school. I had a scholarship. I had a PhD offer. But the problem was life got in the way. More specifically, the twins got in the way. I don't resent them for it. But occasionally, I think about grad school and really really wish that I could go to grad school. In the current situation, I can't because that would really take my income and time out of the running.

In my Doppel-world, we would have moved overseas. Packrat would be able to work at home and we'd have enough money for the kids to go to school while I am in grad school. Packrat and I would work out a schedule of who minds the children. And when it isn't exam time and crunch time, the time that I'm not in school or doing assignments, we'd be in the park feeding the ducks (we are overseas!), we'd be at playgrounds and we'd be at the beach.

And of course, occasionally, I will still slip out to pilates, get my nails done although tea with friends would probably be minimised. Unless I move to Sydney where one of my closest friends live. Then it would be breakfasts with Iced Milo for her and Iced Lemon Teas for me.

All this is wishful thinking with a tiny tiny bubble of hope that some of it can come true in the near future.

Fingers crossed. Because, till then, I will miss the children very badly when I go back to work and be resentful that I can't do fun ME time things because all remaining time will be dedicated to them!



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