Worry wart

I have been told to enjoy the rest of my pregnancy and to enjoy the movements of the offspring within me because I will never feel a closer connection. I've also been told to enjoy every minute of being pregnant. I can see the logic in that- it is a somewhat liberating time since one is given the license to do so much.

One can waddle, burp, fart, put on a ton of weight, lose hair, look like a Neanderthal with excessive hair growth, burst into tears at little or no provocation whatsoever, be forgetful and get away with it. So it is great.

And yes, it's a strange feeling that could entertain you for hours if the offspring decided it was a hamster on a wheel and just moved round and round. I haven't experienced it personally yet but apparently, your belly can look like it's moving in waves, on its own.

But then, if you turn away from the superficial stuff, I mean, technically, you could do all that if you didn't care what the world thought of you, pregnancy can be a rather scary time. A friend told me that she spent her first trimester looking out for blood- a sign that there might be something wrong- and an acquaintance of mine who refused to buy anything for her baby or even talk about the baby till it was out because she had had one miscarriage. I thought it was weird at first but now I get it. One becomes fearful. Fearful of loving and hoping because like my brother once put it- "there's no guarantee until the bub is in your arms".

Packrat says I'm a worry wart. It's a symptom of a first time mother. I worry about everything, odd twinges of pain, too much movement, lack of movement, the fact that with my brother's stethoscope I couldn't hear anything- although I suspect that had more to do with the fact that I was probably holding it the wrong way or I was using it to listen to the television more than the inner gurglings that occur in my belly. He also claims I shouldn't worry because then I would have offspring that may not be happy and burdened with the world. My niece is a little bit like that, she's got a perpetual frown on and she looks as if it is up to her and no one else to figure out what the heck is going on. No, I don't want that sort of burden on my offspring but at the same time, I worry because I care.

I read in a book that it was ok to feel worried and it was ok to throw a fit occasionally because it exposes the offspring to a variety of emotions from the beginning and as long as it is no the sentiment of rejection or resentment for the offspring, it will be fine. I'm not entirely convinced by that either but then again, it makes me feel slightly less guilty when I need to throw a hissy fit although the last one I threw in all earnestness cos I really was mad, the offspring protested and kept me up for the better part of the night. "Mommy throws a fit, now it's my turn. Mwahahahah".

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