Single vs. single-parent

Packrat is away this week on a school trip so I'm holding down the fort on my own. And it's really on my own for real because my in laws are away as well. It's crazy trying to do everything all by myself. Even though I have 2 helpers to well, help, the whole episode with Aunty D has basically made me a paranoid-must-do-everything-by-myself mom. And with twins, it's a crazy merry go round. It got me thinking though about my friends, whose husbands travel and what they do when the men are away and how much things have changed with the kids.

Obviously, I'm aware that things have changed. I do, on occasion, wonder what things would be like had we not had the twins. And when I'm so exhausted from placating an extremely clingy daughter and feeling guilty about ignoring my mischievous son as a result, my mind does tend to wander.

So what am I doing now that Packrat is away?

1. I am sleeping in the twins' room so that I don't have to traipse across every time one of them hollers for milk.By extension, for the first time in 16/17 years, I have to sleep in a single bed and sometimes with a fussy kid.
   
2. I don't shower till lunch time rather than first thing in the morning like I usually do and I also don't get to express till much later.
3. There's no such thing as alone time.
   
4. I've had to throw out all the flyers informing me of private card member sales because I can't go.
   
5. I've had to turn down invitations to see friends because I can't leave the children in the day nor at night. The best I did was slip out to buy fuel yesterday.
   
6. I've also taken the kids swimming, to the park and various other places just so that I can wear them out and getting them to nap would be an easy thing, so that I can have lunch/bath/express/dinner (delete accordingly)

It's not that I'm hating it. I enjoy most of it except when Baby J is clingy and whiny because she knows her beloved Papa's not home. These 17 month old munchkins have associated my driving the car into the house with Packrat coming in after me and wait expectantly at the door when I walk in, waiting for "Papa" to come in.

But what would I do, if Packrat was away and I didn't have the twins? What would I do different, if all the time belonged to me? Disclaimer. I'm not wishing them away. It's just a bit of wishful thinking to get me through when I'm tired, exasperated and feeling sorry for myself.

So in my alternate universe where I don't have to and don't feel that I need to spend time with my kids (and not feel guilty about it), what would I be doing while my husband is away for work?

1. I'd go to the spa- do my nails, a facial and a massage.
   
2. I'd be at all the private sales that I've been invited to this week.
   
3. I'd be having high tea with my friends.
   
4. I'd be doing pilates every other day.
5. I'd laze and read books and catch up on tv series.
6. I'd try and arrange to go to some beach place to do 1., maybe part of 2. and 5 with girlfriends.
   

In short, I'd be living the tai-tai life that I'd always dreamed about and that have quietly been chipped away without my realising by the twins. I find different avenues of fulfillment now which I guess are more meaningful. But once a ditz, always a ditz and I was a ditz before I became a Mommy so my fantasies are mostly made up of brainless, non-intellectual pursuits especially because they are the furthest thing from reality at the moment.

I get a little bit of a breather tomorrow and I'd be ambitious to try and cramp 1. to 5. into it. Plus on a good day in reality, I still need to get work done. But since I've been inundated by Mommy duties, I actually do look forward to doing a bit of work and hopefully after that a spot of shopping or something just for me.

But I think at the end of the day, it's not much of a toss up. I don't really want to be either. I look forward to Packrat coming back during the weekend and I am thankful that he doesn't really travel all that often for work. I am thankful that this week is not the norm because I'd definitely lose my marbles, more weight and possibly be forced to stop breastfeeding out of sheer exhaustion and lack of time.

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