I am a lousy mother

I spent the entire day out today. I was out of the house at 8 in the morning and didn't get back till 6pm. In the hours that I was away, I was made to feel that I ought to be doing more as a mother and that because I wasn't, I felt like a failure. I wasn't shopping and I wasn't at the spa. I wasn't doing anything particularly ME except that I had decided that being on leave, I ought to take advantage of the fact that I could in fact do courses that I was interested in and it was a good opportunity to learn. Ok, long sentence. Anyway, I was on course. Why it made me feel like a failure of a parent? It was a parenting course, run by a child development specialist from the US. This woman, in herself was an inspiration. She was a full professor who specialised in a demanding specialty and she had ADHD. Anyway, why did I come away feeling like a failure? She didn't chide, she didn't say that I was doing anything particularly wrong. So why?

She was so full of ideas. She pointed out what were the important things we ought to be doing with our children and the activities we could do to encourage such development. And these activities were done with materials that either didn't cost very much or anything at all. The entire session was basically an "add this to your repertoire" session and by the end of it, I realised that I hardly did a quarter of the things she suggested even though I was home with the kids. But now, I am motivated to try to do at least one of her suggestions a week, just to mix it around for the twins. I am also motivated to try her discipline methods which involve alot of common sense, a cool head and an even tone rather than yelling at them.

So what were my favourites, of what she suggested?

Activities

To teach colour and how colours blend as well as the idea of how perspectives can change.
Egg carton glasses-
1. Cut out the egg carton in a shape that would have held 2 eggs.
2. Cut off the base of it and replace it with cellophane paper.
3. Attach string to the ends of it so that the child can "wear" it like a pair of glasses.

Outcome-
1. They seem to be able to pick out miniscule bits of things.
2. A yellow sunflower that is looked at through blue cellophane turns a shade of green.
3. Colour awareness.

To teach sorting, textures and categorisation as well as colours.
Sorting coloured pasta. Pastas don't come in colours although I think we can get orange and green ones. Anyway, to get coloured pasta, we can stain them. Here's how.
1. Get a Ziploc bag.
2. Put some rubbing alcohol in.
3. Add desired food colouring in and swirl mixture around.
4. Add pasta in, zip it up and swirl it all around.
5. Take pasta out, lay it on paper towels to dry.

Outcome-
1. Colourful pasta for kids to run their hands in.
2. Sorting according to colours.
3. It makes for different types of noice while playing.

My favourite bit about emotional development.
- Kids, like adults have a love bank that is like a styrofoam cup of sand. You can spoon sand into it relatively quickly. But once, something hurtful is said to them, a whole is poked through the base of the cup and the sand escapes. And no matter how much we try to add more in, the sand escapes faster than we can top it up.
- Translation, we need to love our kids and we need to be careful that we don't say things that hurt them. If we do, we need to patch it up because no matter how we still try to love them, if we don't patch it up, the kids won't get it.

My favourite bit about congitive development and tantrums.
- What differentiates us from animals is the very developed pre-frontal cortex that we possess. It allows us to rationalise. But when we or our kids are upset, the brain downshifts and reactions don't make it to the pre-frontal cortex anymore. It's not rational. It's emotional, controlled by the limbic system. If we're really upset, our reaction is a 'fight or flight' one, a primal one that has been wired into our genetic makeup since Neanderthal days. Because of that, if a kid is in a state, no amount of explaining is going to help the kid. No one's home at that point.
- Same goes for the parent. If the parent is angry, the reaction is no longer one controlled by rationality. That can be harmful or hurtful.
- So the best thing to do is to allow the brain to kick start itself again, by removing the kid or oneself from the situation and to actually do something as simple as breathe. When everything has gone back toward the basal rate, then rationalise.

My favourite bit about discipline
- Realising that the contraction "Don't" and the word "No" are actually interpreted differently with toddlers. Toddlers and pre-schoolers don't understand "don't". They have a bit of auditory blindness when it comes to "don't". Instead of it hearing "don't touch" they only process the "touch" bit. To circumvent that, say "No". Simple, doable.

So that and much more. Now to start paying my dues.

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