My six months of sabbatical are almost up. That means I have to decide whether to go back to work soon. The issues are typical. Money (Tangible, materialistic) vs quality time and quality of life (intangible, soul-enriching). I'm quite a control person. I like things within my control. When I saw our bank statements and the realisation of how this dream of being a Stay-At-Home-Mom was seriously hemorrhaging our savings, Little Miss Control Freak panicked.
Did I need to go back to teaching? Packrat pointed out that I was a much nicer person and a much better mom while I have lived the life of a non-teacher. But can we afford for me to be a non-teacher for much longer? Then there is the whole larger picture of perhaps I should find something I really want to do with my life and start working towards that. Problem? I don't particularly know what I want to do with my life. A simpler proposal was just to be a good mom for these couple of years and be there for the kids while they are at their most sponge-like times (i.e. now) and make the best out of it, for them and for myself. I like the third option best but I'm realistic enough to know I can't make it work if I'm not earning an income. And I'm realistic enough to know that with play school fees, car and house payments as well as helper salary and levy, we can't live on one civil servant's salary unless that was a Superscale salary and Packrat laugh hysterically at that thought.
So what am I left to do? Sell my soul and return to something that makes in inherently unhappy but allows me to provide financially for my family? The very pragmatic in society will tell me with a sigh that young people nowadays want everything. Good paying salaries for jobs they enjoy and that is a pipe dream. I should suck it up, just like our parents did for us.
But I also know enough to question what is the point of being able to make enough if that is going towards sending the kids to full day play school because Mom isn't home when they wake from their naps in the afternoon? And what is the point of buying them a whole ton of toys and books if Mom isn't there to play it with them and read it to them? Even now, sometimes, I leave them to their own devices or their other caregivers while I sneak in some chill time or some work time and those times, I feel guilty as hell because I haven't really reconciled the fact that a good mother doesn't need to spend every breathing moment doing something with her kids.
Packrat's final words on the subject however were reassuring. We have enough savings for a while yet. And I'm not squandering it on the new season Kate Spades and at the spa. I'm using it so that I can be with the kids. And that to him is the definition of good and responsible stewardship of money. Now, I can't argue with that logic and the rest of it, in his opinion will sort itself out.
Technorati Tags: parenthood, SAHM
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Mommy vs Money
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You could always give tuition? I'm also at a dilemma whether to return to work. :p
ReplyDeleteYeah, I agree with Packrat... it will work out... maybe just a matter of trimming down even more the expenses of the not so necessary...
ReplyDeleteBut I also echo what lysithea said - tuition is extremely lucrative, considering you can prob earn a whole bunch more than what we earned as teachers if you just put in the same number of hours into tuition as you did into just your official school hours. As a JC teacher, you can easily charge more than $50/hr... alot more if you do group tuition! It's just the timing of giving tuition that's not ideal... Or give pri sch kids tuition... there are still plenty of afternoon sch kids who need tuition in the mornings.
Haha! I don't think I can tutor Primary School. I might throttle the kids. There was a reason why I chose to teach at JC level. :)
ReplyDeleteJustpassingby- Don't know where else to cut. I only just started them on formula and I can't use NTUC diapers cos they'll get rash! :)
jc tutors should be able to get anything from $80 to $100 an hour, sec school anything from $60 onwards (for individual). And tt pays more than a locum. ha. Or u can go to those tuition agency school, they pay as well. Or rent ur own room etc. according to some survey i read recently somewhere, in this recession, parents are still not cutting down on tuition for their kids. maybe u shd just charge less.
ReplyDeletego get free milk powder from ur bro (who is a doc right?). my kid has been on milk samples since day 1, i just bought him his first can of pedisure and managed to get it at staff price.
change to cloth diapers, save in the long run. Am using bumwear in the day and pampers when go out and at night. pampers can last 12hrs and no rash!
oh, and buy ur pampers whenever they have those 'special offers' like 2 boxes for xx dollars at ntuc.
ReplyDeleteand someone said that tues is senior citizen day (>60) and there's some x% discount. meh, must get my parents to help me buy groceries!
LOL, pri sch kids aren't that bad lah. You get the sweet sweet girls, then quite OK. Haha. Don't teach boys. Or maybe it's good practice for when the twins are in pri sch - then you won't want to throttle them!!! Eh, it's even harder to tutor your own kids you know?! Lagi vomit blood!!!
ReplyDeleteNever tried NTUC diapers. If you can locate any branch of the Jin Tai Tong medical hall shops, they sell diapers very very cheap, and milk too. I also dunno how come. So happen we have one branch here. I always go there and buy. You should try and seek them out. I know of two branches - one is in Pasir Ris, one is at Tampines Mart. you can contact me if you need more details - if you still have my number that is. Haha. Last time I used Drypers ... quite good value for money leh. It was the best cheap diaper I used on my kids. Even can last through the night, next day so pong pong, feel like those gel wrist support for computer use. Haha.
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ReplyDeleteHmm... having been a work-at-home mom for almost three years, I totally get this post!
ReplyDeleteI wiped out my savings in the first year, and started to live simply after that. No make-up (which I've never used anyways), new clothes only on special occasions, one trip to the hairstylist's a year, etc. My mom helps out by buying toys and clothes for Layla. For books, I use Alf's $400 grant. :P Of late, I've started to sell Layla's old stuff instead of donating them -- as you know, freelance checks are always late, which is another frustrating part about being a WAHM.
That said, we still treat ourselves... my new Macbook and Alf's fancy speakers were two recent buys. There are many home-based moms who can't afford household help and don't have anyone to share the caregiving load with, so I guess there's always more room for us to simplify, if push comes to shove.
E
http://bottomsup.wordpress.com
You can always use fresh milk instead of formula. It's cheaper - about $1 per litre.
ReplyDeleteI use cloth nappies as well because Stardust gets a rashes otherwise - mine are happy heinys and bumgenius. I've heard good things about Bumwear which is a local brand. I try to encourage Stardust to 'go' on the potty after meals and drinks, to reduce nappy changes, and I rinse him instead of using babywipes when we're at home.
And...I'm completely shameless about asking for handmedowns.
TSCD- We use Bumwear too. But they don't last very long. I think my kids pee too much! It lasts for an hour and that's with 2 inserts!
ReplyDeleteWe do fresh milk in the day as well and they're still on frozen breast milk till that runs out. So the full brunt of buying milk hasn't really hit me yet.
And yes, hand me downs are the best!