Shut down production

It has finally arrived. Or rather I have chosen for it to be so. The factory has closed down. After 22 months and 3 weeks. It has been a long time coming. But so I've been told, because it has been going on for a long time, it takes a long time to shut off the supply, or rather dwindle the supply to the point where the body goes "Oh! This is a waste of time!"

Why now after all the dawdling? In February I was on my way there. Between then and now, there have been a series of signs that have basically indicated that it is indeed time.

1. The breast pump that I was reliant one, which I must add is the best thing in the world and I'd buy another one in a heart beat (of course if there really was another heart beat, I really would have to get another one) had to be returned. I had my own but I wore it down using it five times a day for more than a year. So I had to borrow one.

2. The back up breast pump I had gave up the ghost too. It started to make strenuous croaking and wheezing noises every time I tried to use it.

3. I had that serious eye infection that required serious medication, all of which were breastfeeding unfriendly. So the milk had to be tossed.

4. My periods are really hay wire so much so that I thought I was pregnant and I don't need that kind of heart attack every other month or so. Especially when the kids are particularly difficult, the sheer thought of being pregnant and adding another one to the fray scares the beejeezus out of me.

5. I'm actually tired of having to express. I hated that I had disappear up to my room 3-4 times a day when there were other things I could do. Or that I had to wake up earlier just so that I could express before going out. Or sleep later for the same reason.

6. I want to go back down to my original boob size and wear nice bras. The Bonds nursing bras that I have washed and worn every day for the last 2 years have been comfortable, convenient, decent looking and the best nursing bras ever, but they are not slinky and cannot be worn with spaghetti strap tops. I miss nice bras and strapless bras and the clothes that I can wear with them!

So, once I got to the point where it was a chore I was no longer willing to do and my conscience wasn't loud enough to make me feel guilty anymore, I decided it was time. After all, I have breastfed longer than I meant to and I think it is quite a feat to have kept the twins completely breastfed for 18 months and partially breastfed after that not out of necessity but to start the process of gradually getting them used to formula and fresh milk.

The only thing to do now is to shut down the freezer that still contains I suspect enough milk to get them all the way to the 2 year mark and then it is done. And I shall rest.


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