Drs. Evan and Jordan Tan

I have a case of mastitis. For those who don't know, it's an infection the breast and often a result of the constant breastfeeding. I thought I was becoming arthritic because every bone in my body hurt, including my vertebra. It also coincided with me having gone for a run. What sent terror down my spine together with the pain was when it stormed and my pain receptors began to fire twice as quickly. Was I really going to be able to feel the weather in my bones before the age of 35 and if so, how would I ever move to a country with colder climates?

Anyway, it wasn't arthritis because my brother informed me that it would be in the fingers and if it was osteo-arthritis, it would be in the knees. Nope, it was everywhere, including my ribs. Eventually, I put two and two together since I did have a very sore spot on my boob and no amount of Muffin time or the breast pump seemed to reduce the concentrated sore spot. I was also getting a headache and feeling indescribably unwell.

Thankfully, our family GP (whom I have seen 3 times this week and only once for me) was running a night clinic, so I could get help if I could slip past the twins and out the front door. So first I tried logic.

Me: Evan, Jordan, Mommy is sick. Mommy has a fever. So Mommy is going to the doctor okay?
Jordan: Mommy go doctor? Take medicine?
Me: Yes. Mommy needs to go to the doctor to get medicine.
Evan: Mommy have fever? Mommy pain pain?
Me: Yes, Mommy has a fever and Mommy is pain pain.
Evan (sliding off the bed): Evan give Mommy medicine. Mommy no need to see doctor. Mommy sleep with Evan.
Me: No, Mommy cannot take your medicine.
Evan: Can right. Evan has fever medicine.
Jordan: Jordan give Mommy pink medicine. Mommy has no fever. I want Mommy.
Me: No, Mommy cannot take your pink medicine. The pink medicine is only for Evan and Jordan.
Jordan: Pink medicine is nice. I like pink!
Evan (To the tune of the Sunday school song Deep and Wide) singing: Nice and Good! Nice and Good! There's a fountain nice and good! (In his regular voice) Pink medicine is nice and good!

That's when I decide to give up logic and just quietly slip out of the house. When I return, armed with antibiotics, anti-inflammatories and Nurofen (my best friend!),

Jordan asks: How you feeling Mommy? How is your fever? Are you okay? Mommy take pink medicine? I like pink!

...all questions I ask her when she is sick.

I regale the entire exchange to the doctor who is fond of them. She says I should start saving now to send the two of them off to medical school. Well, from the way things are going, Dr Evan will be imperious and frowny especially if you question his judgement. Dr Jordan will diagnose like her uncle used to. My brother's favourite prescription and diagnosis was "Take panadol". Jordan's will be "I like pink! Take the pink medicine!" which is incidentally, child paracetamol.

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