Monday, January 18, 2016

Missing friends

The school year has begun in earnest. And there has been a change. This time, the twins feel it acutely. It's not like the last big change where they went up to P1 as slightly gormless, guileless and very young middle schoolers. While that was a huge change, the adjustment problems were more to do with routine.

This time, the adjustment is social. And being smack in the middle of their middle school years and on the cusp of being almost tweeny, they are very affected by it. They miss their friends.

Each are in a new class. For Jordan, it's worse because she's not only in a new class, she's in a new school. Evan is almost there, being in a class where he has only 2 classmates from his previous class. So they're pining in different ways and I feel sorry for them.

Evan is constantly asking if I can arrange play dates with his friends. He's a bit miffed at how Jordan seems to be going out on all these play dates, that he isn't invited to, are full of girls and where girly things are done. He feels left out. It makes him want to hang out with HIS friends, without his siblings tagging along. I get it. I suspect that it's also an age thing. They're developing their own identities, interests and don't really want to exist in a combined life in all aspects. He doesn't really want to play 'family' with his sister or have his younger brother tagging along and trying to copy him in every way and usurping his friends.

Jordan, on the other hand, has been busy making new friends. That and the excitement of starting a new school has distracted her from reality. It didn't hit till last night, Sunday night before the 3rd week of school. This was after a weekend of one of her ex classmate's ringing her every day just to chat and another one declaring that she missed Jordan on the bus and school wasn't the same without Jordan. Upon realisation that come Monday, she was yet again not going to see her old friends, she melt down into a puddle of tears lamenting how the school hours in the new school are longer (by 15 minutes; 10 minutes of which are an in class break) and how she's homesick when she's at school. We gently tell her that there were things she didn't like about her old school either and sometimes, she and her friend on the bus fought like cats and swore they weren't ever speaking to one another again!

So, we've promised to arrange something soon with just her friends and sworn blind that they haven't forgotten her. We've made the same promise for Evan, swearing that he'll be able to go on his own, without his limelight stealing siblings.

Now, to find enough hours and energy on the weekend to do all that.


  1. I hear ya. Grief and growing up and change seems come hand in hand, and I don't think a lot of parents remember how painful it can be.