Thing 2: I ignored my children

Readers of my other blog would know that I've had a spate of little accidents in the last few days. It all came to a head last night when in my exhaustive stupor, I fell asleep while expressing and nearly spilt 200 odd ml of milk on the bed and I couldn't keep my knees from buckling as I struggled to get to the bathroom to wash up. And even though I managed a few hours of good sleep, I woke this morning feeling like I was wading through sludge and my head kept spinning from the exhaustion.

Mid-morning, I tell Packrat all this and he was of the opinion that I needed sleep. Not a difficult guess. I was done at work and could go home but I knew that once I went home, the children would descend upon me and I would not get any sleep. And even if they didn't descend upon me, I would want to hang out with them because that's what I would do as a mommy. As a dad, it seems that Packrat is better at shutting them out when things need to be done. I can't. I automatically put my children's needs first when I'm home. No such thing as Mommy is home but is not with us. The only time I'm shut up in my room and occasionally blogging like this, is when I'm expressing.

But I know that I've hit a wall that I haven't quite hit before. And I know I need to rest. Sometimes, when I'm in such a mood, I feel slightly resentful that I have the kids. I love the kids, to bits, there's no doubt about it. But when I'm this exhausted and feel that I can't rest because I am expected to be with them, I feel quite depressed and in one of those moods best described in dialet as "Sian" . I think there's also the somewhat fatalistic sense that even if I did rest, I'd have to go to them anyway. It's not like they would disappear. Obviously, not a good mood to be in. So, for once, I'm giving myself license to take a nap. Despite what some crazy Nazis would say to this, I need ignore my children and just rest. Packrat is right, there are other people to entertain them and much as my conscience is raring to judge me on this, I'm just going to do it. If I don't, the end of the teether will come too soon and someone's head might get bitten off if it goes on. No one deserves that, least of all the children.

So, for their sake, I'm going to take a two hour nap that will hopefully reset my body clock and so that I can enjoy being with the children again. No amount of rest will help me enjoy work so I'll just talk about motherhood.

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