Parents vs. Grandparents

The old adage is that regardless of how strict parents are, when they become grandparents, they spoil and indulge in the way they never did before.

I've seen that happen before my very eyes.

My parents-in-law were strict with Packrat. They caned him, they restricted him, they made him work for what he wanted. My parents were the same. They were harsh with me, they scolded me when I fell down because I wasn't careful enough. If I didn't say please, I'd be considered rude and get told off and a hard earful about it. If we wanted something, we had to save for it.

Enter the grandchildren.

They become overprotective. They watch their every step. They worry about everything. If anything went wrong, they'd blame us the parents and scold us for it. If they could, they'd put their grandchildren into a bubble. So why?

Incident #1

Evan has an incredible knack for falling. He gets very excited, he runs very fast and sometimes, he trips and falls and bumps his head. So much so that he has quite the perpetual unicorn bud on his forehead. It's painful to watch but we let him fall. Of course, we don't encourage it, but we let him run and if he falls, he falls.

His grandparents, on the other hand, think that he should wear a helmet and knee pads. They think I should take him to see a neurologist because obviously, there is something wrong with his coordination. His grandparents think that he should not be allowed to run at all and if we send him to school, his teachers should be told to not let him run as well.

Incident #2

We go to the Marina Barrage as a family. The big open spaces and the long slope down to the ground is an attractive area for the kids to run about. Jordan takes off down slope, chuckling as gravity allows her to go faster than her little legs can carry. Of course, it is a recipe for disaster and three quarters way down and I'm actually pleased that she managed all that slope upright, she trips because she's half on the walk way, half on the grass verge. It's a bad fall because she scrapes her knee. I try to carry her back to where everyone else is so that I can clean it up with some wipes and water. But she has other ideas.

She takes off again, to finish up the bit of the slope that has not been covered. It doesn't occur to her that her knee hurts and it'll become stiff in a bit. Which it does and she trips and falls. Again. Scrapes the same knee. By this time, the grandparents are about. And shocked that I had actually allowed her to run off again after she scraped her knee. I got a lecture about how it was the time of day that she'd be tired and therefore more uncoordinated which then corresponded to her possibly falling more.

And how did I see the situation? She fell down. She picked herself up. She cried a bit. But was determined to finish what she had started. That, in my book was something to be proud of. And to stop her from doing that would have meant my sending her the message that it was okay to allow a little obstacle to thwart her, in whatever she was doing. Add to the fact that I was so proud of her for picking herself up, I wasn't going to stop her. If she was brave enough to go at it, why stand in her way?

Incident #3

Also at the Marina Barrage. During that week, it was quite windy. And we were on the roof garden of the barrage. The twins, being small for their age were swaying like bamboo in a storm. Nonetheless, they were having fun running about. While I was off chasing Jordan down the slope, Evan was with Packrat and his grandparents. By the time they caught up with the bruised knee one, Evan who had gone to the Barrage in a t-shirt with sleeves cut off, was by then dressed in not one, but TWO sleeveless t-shirts. His grandparents were concerned that the boy was going to catch a cold from the wind and one of our helpers was running along side Jordan trying to slip her into a long sleeved t-shirt that I had left in the bag. Of course, she was shoved aside by my little speed machine.

I think, both Packrat and I agree that as long as the children are not in mortal danger, they should be allowed to explore and learn and if that takes a little bit of falling and a couple of scrapes, why not? I have battle scars from my childhood that I'm quite proud of and I had a childhood that wasn't all that closely watched. Packrat thinks that grandparents have the prerogative to be protective. I guess I'm okay with it although it irritates me to have my son wearing two t-shirts or a towel under his shirt to soak up his perspiration. But at the end of the day, I guess it's because they love them so I can't fault them for that.

I can mock them and roll my eyes at them behind their back but I guess their intentions are good. Plus I guess I'm going to do that with the twins' children next time. What a scary thought! I just got over the 'being a parent' and 'being an adult' scary thought!


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