Left up to their own devices

The thing about having 3 children with differing needs is that I can never pay full attention to all three at the same time. At the same time, I think it is good for them to learn to be independent and also know that even when Mommy isn't paying attention to them, they are still loved and they can still find things to do for themselves. I recently read that children from the developed world seem to be 'higher maintenance' than their counterparts in the less developed world because they are, at the same time, over-attended and under-attended.

We are over-protective. We buy them BPA free bottles. We feed the organic foods. We supervise their playdates and make sure they don't put the plastic balls from the ball pit into their mouths. But at the same time, when we hang out with them, we are online. We are texting. In our defence of course, we are multi-tasking because playing with a child doesn't require much cognitive ability so while playing with them, we can do something else at the same time. That apparently leads to fiesty and frustrated children. Apparently.

The suggestion was that the child's interaction with siblings and surrounding animals (provided you live somewhere with animals!) make for better and more natural play pals. And in that way, they are happier, well adjusted and stimulated.

Of course, this line of thought isn't meant to make me feel less guilty when one or two children are left to their own devices. But then again, sometimes I don't have a choice.

But it heartens me when I see them find ways of entertaining themselves.

I brought home some old markers from work and gave it to the twins. I told them they couldn't draw on the walls but the glass doors of our bathroom and our kitchen were fair game. And while I was feeding Muffin, they attacked the glass with relish. Dots, squiggles, pretend drawings and pretend alphabets. Okay, in their mind, it was real. To me, it was just a bunch of glorious squiggles that could become part of a Rorschach test.

Jordan 'draws' more. Evan just likes to do streaks and dots.



















And while I'm getting the children to eat and busy tending to them, we put Muffin on the mat with a whole bunch of toys and he happily attacks them without complaint.



















This was something we hardly ever did when the twins were babies. Leave them to their own devices and just keep a remote eye on them. Perhaps it will be better this way? We don't know. All I know is that our care givers were very tired of following the twins around and we've always wondered how our parents and parents' parents did it without so much help.

A well-meaning friend told me I should occupy them with activities that help them learn. Yes, I'd like to do that but there are many reasons why I don't.

1. I don't have all that much time to pay attention to them ALL the time. We play with them, we do things with them but there are times, we need them to do things, including play, for themselves.

2. Sometimes they aren't interested in what we want to do with them. They're old enough to have their own ideas on what is fun. Evan is even able to articulate very clearly, "This is fun, Mommy!"

3. I suspect this is the most important. The children learn, through play. They learn to share, they learn to take turns and they create and imagine. And in my book, that's learning too.



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