Friday, February 09, 2018

Comfort

As JED grow older, they tend to be more disagreeable with one another. It is inevitable. All 3 have strong personalities and are not pushovers. Each want their way and is angered when their way is not the preferred way of the other two.

But on occasion, we see that there really is a connection between them and they really do have a soft spot for each other, under the often prickly exterior. Rather 'durian' relationship they have.

These are moments that fuel me and give me hope especially when they are so angry they stomp on each other and break each other's things.



Muffin

It was Muffin's birthday and we had a swim date gathering for him and his friends. On the day of the swim date, he came up to me to ask if I could invite his sister's friends so that she had people to play with instead of a pool full of boys.

Jordan was upset with being reminded of a memory of great-grandpa passing away and was sobbing in the back seat of the car. I couldn't get to her so I despatched her two brothers to sit and hold her while she sobbed.






Evan

Evan is the least physically affectionate. He likes when I hug him but not his siblings. He is great with words of comfort though he's logical at his most comforting. He's also calm and doesn't freak out. He will however, be a nightmare for future weeping girlfriends/ wife because he will offer logic and solutions as comfort and we all know how well that always goes down. But his logic helps Jordan see that it's not a spiraling abyss of despair and hopelessness. I'm not sure if he offers any comfort to Muffin because his tone with Muffin is often one of "I told you so". It toughens Muffin up though; he gets no sympathy from his brother and therefore knows it's not a big deal and he should stop with the whining.



Jordan

The most empathetic of the three, she acutely feels everyone else's dismay. Most evident was when Evan was leaving for camp and was anxious and worried about it. He couldn't be soothed by her stories of assurance so eventually she just threw her arms around him and held him tight. I think he appreciated that. 

They also tell stories to each other at night before they go to bed. After the initial excitement of having their own rooms, they have now reverted to camping out in one room with one sibling squished on a mattress on the floor. And that offers them comfort- for the child who is fearful of some movie he watched. The one who comes home late and knows that even if she is falling asleep by herself, she can do that to the sound of her brothers' breathing.  For the other whose mind is often racing just as he falls asleep, the inane discussions the other two have help slow his mind down enough for him to drift off.

All is good in the house when we see this happen and we shore up these moments because in the next minute, these loving siblings will be transformed into Gremlins out to get one another. 

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