Inappropriate much

When I was pregnant, I had great issues with people treating my belly as public property and other inappropriate behaviour. Unfortunately, the inappropriate behaviour and touching hasn't stopped. Now, when we take the babies on their morning walk, people, fascinated that we have twins will come up and coo and inadvertently reach out and touch their heads with their grubby hands. I was told that my response should be me, slapping their wrists or manoeuvring the baby out of reach of grubby hands.

Also, the inappropriate questions and suggestions have not stopped. I find myself having to answer questions like
1. How many times have the babies pooed today? (And this was not asked by any medical personnel)
2. What colour is the babies' poo?
3. What colour is the babies' pee?
4. How is your bleeding?
5. How much milk have you expressed today?
6. How are your nipples looking today?

Although I've had to be polite when answering the questions, I fantasise about answering the questions in the following manner.

1, 2 & 3. I'll strip one of the babies and you can carry him/her. Then you'll know first hand how many times, and the colour of said pee and poo.
4. Want to see?
5. I am not just a milk producing machine.
6. Are you trying to come on to my nipples? Cos they're not interested.

Now the trick is to take the snark out of my brain and into my mouth. Thing is having been brought up Confucian style, it's very hard for me to be rude to those older than I am.

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